Tuesday, March 08, 2005


Sometimes we're 3 or 4... or 72 weeks behind on seeing movies. Tonight was dinner and a movie for Mrs. Morris and me. We chose Hitch.

Don't get me wrong, I liked the flick, but I cannot recommend it for married couples. Guys might find it uncomfortable watching the expressions on their wives faces or hearing the heavy sighs that can only mean "I feel I've been cheated!"

A little background - it's about a dating coach (Will Smith) who works with clients to help them say the right things, make the right moves and get the girl to fall in love with them. The smoothness with which he operates is... well, inspirational.

Unfortunately, (and here's why married couples shouldn't see the movie... or maybe just married women... or maybe just my wife) most guys aren't that smooth. And of course when I say most guys, I mean only me.

Looking back on the early dates with Tawnya, I'm not really sure why it all worked out. I drove an old VW Passat, for chrissakes. I was a radio geek who carried headphones in my backseat. Our first encounter, not really a date, was lunch, where I told her I wasn't sure we would make a very good pair. Our first real date was at a sports bar, where we watched live coverage of the Columbine shootings. (yeah, COLUMBINE - such great timing) Our second date was dinner, and she was afraid to eat her corn-on-the-cob in front of me (fearing it would get in her teeth or she would look not-very-smooth doing it) yet I plowed through a plate of ribs as if I hadn't eaten for 17 days.

I should point out that by then I had traded the Passat in for a uber smooth Nissan Maxima.

But the bottom line is, I broke every rule in the Will Smith movie. I lumbered my way through our early dates with the debonaire of a crippled yak. The fact that I got the girl only means she was having a weak moment. Or weak week. Whatever.

Nope... if you can avoid it (God forbid you've already gone) avoid seeing Hitch with your wife. It will only make you look bad.

And of course, by "you," I mean me.


Miss M said...

Like your car...it all depends on who is driving and what road they take, that brings the "smoothness" to our travels. And of course, how good your shock absorbers are.

~kimberly~ said...

And of course, by "Miss M," I mean me.

Anonymous said...

Of course, what he DIDN'T bother to mention is that on the date with the corn on the cob... he went to the book store before I arrived and bought the book "All I Need to Know I Learned In Kindergarden" by Robert Fulgem... AND marked a page with a beautiful love story about a Russian soldier that lay down his life by his wife's side because he couldn't bear the thought of life without her...

OR the story of how he had asked me what my idea of the "perfect date" was... then much to my surprise a few weeks later (after I'd forgotten about it) he CREATED that date..!

OR.... about the night that he dug out an box of old 45's and we both sat on the floor and sang (off key) to the likes of John Denver!!!!

Yeah, he can be romantic when he wants to.

Dave Steele said...

Don't let Dave fool you... He is quite the romantic... When we were in Nashville and he had to room with me... I got very tired of his unwanted advances... He cheesy "sound-scape" mood music... the darn room service calls for "special wine." I tell you... I was driving me crazy, but the ol boy gave it his all. However, nothing was quite as disturbing as the "lace nighty" he decided to slip into... it was brutal... I still have nightmare from that and my therapist says it may take years to recover.

Dave Morris said...

Shut up Steele, you loved that lace nighty.

Dave Steele said...

Yeah... I guess your right... after you shaved your legs... I think... well... I amy have been a little attracted to you!