Saturday, June 30, 2007


I know you'll be shocked, but I did it.

I stood in line for about an hour yesterday to get the new Apple iPhone. Yes, me. In line. I've never stood in line for anything, and yet I succumbed to the intense hype. The siren called out to me. All that shit.

Talk about a geek-fest. There were 30 people in line with me at the O'Fallon MO AT&T store, and I was #29. When I arrived, the sales guy looked at me with a sort of "I'm waiting for you to ask me about the iPhone" look on his face. So of course I indulged him.

"How many phones do you have, and am I too late?" It was 5:55 pm, a full FIVE MINUTES before the doors opened. He gave me this little wink that was simultaneously geeky and cocky... and one of those dorky tongue clicks. The only thing missing was the finger-as-pistol "Shooter McGee" motion. He fished around in his pocket. This was his moment to shine!

"Here ya go." He handed me a voucher that guaranteed me the right to purchase a phone. A little quiver passed through my body... much the same feeling as when you find out your application for auto financing has been approved.

And I've paid less for a car.

I bought a 4 gig model and so far I'm elated. Overall, the network's speed is more than compensated for by the incredible functionality of the phone. The email, voice mail and usability of Safari, the internet interface all seem unparalleled. The screen is bright, easy to navigate and the calls are clear. I've been on Cingular for a long time, and at least in this area, it has the most reliable coverage of all the cell companies.

When I plugged the unit into my laptop, (a PC-*gasp!*)it synched easily with iTunes, went online automatically, and in about 5 screens I had transferred my service from my old cell to the iPhone. Seamlessly, the new phone took over. It synched all my contacts from Outlook, my calendar entries and the photos and music I had decided to add to the iPhone.

It also automatically added all my email accounts to the iPhone. The email automatically downloads to the phone and alerts me when I have new messages. The voicemail interface is great - it actually lists all your messages, who they're from, and each has a play button you can click to listen on speaker. No more dialing into the network and navigating the BS menus.

The unit is also an iPod, although that function won't be very important to me.

I really do believe this phone is a groundbreaking new tool, with the amazing animated graphic interface, its versatility (some of which I'm not even aware of yet) and functionality. (more of which I'm not yet aware) On my home wi-fi network, it flies. On the Cingular network, it's a bit slow. They guaranteed me they are working on getting better speed out of their system.

I now have a Sprint Pocket PC 6700 for sale. If you're interested (and haven't succumbed to the alure of the iPhone) let me know. I'll make you a hell of a deal. It comes with a 1 gig data card.

I'll keep you updated on how MiPhone performs.

Oh. This is my last hurrah. I'm finished buying high tech stuff for a while. ;)

EDIT: I just realized I've used my phone for several days, yet never opened the instruction book. This thing is extremely intuitive.

In search of a firm stool

I don't generally discuss poop but I'll be honest - when they say "don't drink the water," believe it.

I'm freshly back from Mexico and I can honestly report that if you're planning to visit the Grand Palladium in Playa del Carmen... do plenty of research. We walked 3 to 6 miles a day just getting from our room to the buffet, beach, pools, watersports, restaurants and bars. They have a train-type shuttle running between the lobbies of the four different resorts, but they were usually full and ran only every 20 to 30 minutes. For us, it was way too big. My feet still feel like hamburger because flip-flops aren't meant for freakin' l-o-n-g hikes.

But we had a great time anyway. Smoked some Cubans, ate some local food, and popped Immodium like candy.

We traveled with seven other people ranging from a doctor to an English guy to a hawk-eared teacher. Some of the quotes from the trip:

"Yoouu carrrr-(burp)-rrry my f*#king shoooes." - Dr. Mike, in the midst of a mean-ass tequila drunk that it took seventeen hours to sleep off, to his wife who was trying to corral his ass and get him to bed. He missed dinner and maybe drank 3 more drinks the entire week.

"Aye, aye, aye..." - Head down on the table, Ada, the Brit Hooligan Englishman, on the evening of the same drunk as Dr. Mike. One of the three guys who got completely shit-faced, he was the only one to regurgitate vomit puke his guts up in the Asian restaurant powder room.

"Don't eat the fish." - Ada's advice to a guy who walked into said powder room during said puking. I'm pretty sure the guy left the restaurant immediately.

"Eep, opp, ork, ah ah" - The stupid Jetson's phrase that got stuck in our head at the adult pool one day. I guess all the nekkid boobies weren't enough to occupy us.

"I always cut the netting out of my slacks." - Dr. Mike... by "netting," he means the mesh found in the lining of swimming trunks, and by "slacks," he means "I'm drunk when I'm saying this."

"If you're planning on doing only one excursion while you're in Mexico, you should take the trip to the Mayan ruins of Chichen Itza." - the Apple agent in the hotel lobby, helping us decide which activities we were planning to enjoy while on our trip.

"Why the hell should I take a trip to chicken pizza?" - Mike Cornett, right after the Apple guy did his schpiel.

"Hey, they put more pool in the water." - Diana Cornett, self explanatory.

"My cammmerra gott stollllllenn." - Uncle Mikey, who completed the trio of drunkards on the fateful day when he got back to his room minus his cammmerra. He forgot he had given it to Diana for safe keeping.

"Y'all are gonna have the shits." - Emily, through the window to people seated in the Brazilian restaurant 24 hours after our trip to same.

"Something back here smells like cheese." - Paula Williams, just seconds before somebody discovered that someone had shit on the floor in the aisle behind us on the bus. I kid you not. Apparently, that person had also been to the Brazilian restaurant.

"These freakin' Mexicans." - The bus driver talking to us immediately after cleaning up said shit. Funny part, he was totally a Mexican.

"What do you think, Emily?" - Everyone, when trying to decide what to do that day. My significant other became the point person of the trip, doing the bitching, breaking ties, and making decisions on behalf of the rest of the group. Her innate ability to control children in her classroom came in handy all week.
To those who went on the trip - if you can think of other quotes, please post them in the comment area.

We had a great time... but again, long story short - don't drink the water.

Or go to the Brazilian restaurant.

Tuesday, June 19, 2007

Autoreply: Out of the office

At this time, I'm sipping a drink with an umbrella in it. I'm sitting on sand. I'm seeing blue. I'm with friends. I'm with my baby.

There is this incredible feeling of peace that has come over me. I'm not worried about anything right now... except that Em's smiling, and if I brought enough shorts.

No shirt, no shoes, no problems. See you on the 28th.

Wednesday, June 13, 2007

For fun it's a wonderful toy

Emily brought me a gift yesterday from her toy stash at her Mom's house.

I can't put it down. I am actually conducting slinky stress tests, doing slinky acrobatics, doing the ear-to-mouth slinky phone, and a few other things I can't go into right now.

Remember the slinky smell? The noise it makes? How it walks down the stairs? It's almost like I'm reliving my childhood.

Monday, June 11, 2007


The Sopranos ended their reign last night and it was quite climactic.

Except for the part about having a climax.

Although there were a million indications of what Tony's final fate might be, (mysterious guy in the diner, AJ's strange final twists, Paulie's weirdness, the flirting with the FBI, the likelihood of an indictment ahead) ultimately the viewers were left to draw their own conclusions.

Honestly, I needed closure. In my opinion, the guy who had kept viewers on their heels for eight years needed to commit to an ending - a real "WTF?!?!?!"

And I suppose he did... but not in the way I anticipated. We were left to provide our own final puzzle piece. In the words of the Journey song that was playing in the final scene, "the movie never ends, it goes on and on and on and on..."

Pretty ingenius, I guess. He left us with one final wince.


My high school reunion was mostly exactly as I thought it would be. Violet and I had a great time, we saw a lot of old friends, and discovered that a couple of them had moved to our area.

I got the chance to visit face to face with Blogarita for the first time in forever... it was great to catch up a little, although there was very little time for genuine reminiscing.

Actually, that's one thing I did very little of that night. I never once uttered the words "remember that time..." I figure the best memories have yet to be made.

As I sit here trying to think of more to write about the event, I realize I have nothing else to say. It was fun, as high school reunions go.


I have an issue with zipping my pants. Well, actually REzipping.

For whatever reason, if I undo everything and retuck my shirt or whatever, I sometimes forget to cinch things back up. Why do I forget to reinterdigitate my fly?

And why do we call it a "fly?"

It's a good thing I don't do commando.

Anyway, if you see me with the "barn door" open, quietly tell me. Then I'll ask you to kindly stop staring at my crotch.

Saturday, June 09, 2007

Bezball been beddy beddy good to me

We went to the Cardinals/Angels game last night, an affair which we lost 9-6, but before which we tailgated mightily... as shown below.

Diana & Mike (the Cornetts) and Emily are caught in a natural, non-pose moment. They had no idea I was snapping this picture.

In this picture, we're sitting on the sidewalk in front of the new stadium. Behind us, some of St. Louis' natural fauna - weeds that are actually growing out of the cracks in the sidewalk.

Ah, memories of tailgating in years past. I was watering a bush during the 2005 season when Dr. Mike caught me in a candid moment. Bastard.

And now, we're piling in the car to head to Warsaw for my 25th HS class reunion. I am looking forward to seeing old friends and catching up. I told Emily she can go with me to my reunion, but I won't be going to hers. I can hear it now: "Hey, who's the old guy?"

Have a great weekend!

Thursday, June 07, 2007


Borrowed from Blogarita, I've decided to complete a meme. Why? I got nothin' else.

Elaborate on your avatar.
Um, it's a picture. Of me.
What’s your current relationship status?
I cohabitate with a most lovely person, Violet. She loves me in spite of my many faults.
Ever have a near-death experience?
I've been married THREE times. So, of course I have.
What’s the name of the song that’s stuck in your head right now?
How did you know a song was stuck in my head? Eleanor Rigby. Got no idea why.
Name a celebrity you would marry.
As I've stated, I think I've been married plenty, thanks. I suppose the question really means what celebrity would you bed down. None. Okay, maybe Lisa Kudrow because she reminds me of Emily. (how's THAT for a PC answer??)
Who will cut and paste this meme first?
Maybe Dr. Mike because he wants to be just like me in every way. No wait, he never blogs anymore. Eh, prolly nobody. And I don't mean Nobody, I mean nobody.
Has anyone ever said you look like a celebrity?
Yeah, somebody once said I vaguely resemble John Travolta. Someone else said Tim Robbins, which I can actually see (sans the blue eyes and advanced grey hair)
Do you wear a watch? What kind?

Funny you should ask. I am a watch collector. I know blogarita says they are obsolete, but I've always worn one. If I forget to put one on before I leave the house, I've actually been known to stop and buy one.

Anyway, I have about 10 watches, a couple of them pocket watches. Most of them are Citizen watches, one is a Seiko, and one is a collector's item Breitling, which is one of only 1000 like it in the world. How can you say watches are obsolete??? ;)

Edit: one of my favorite things to do with watches was from Robert Fulghum in one of his many books: remove all hands except the second hand. You never really know what time it is... you just know that it never stops moving and you should be making the best of it.

Do you have anything pierced?
Not intentionally.
Do you have any tattoos?
Not intentionally. There was that branding iron incident one night at the Yellow Rose country bar.
Do you like pain?
There are certain types of pain that are somewhat (strangely) appealing, such as the "pain" of a deep tissue massage. I am not a masochist, but I understand. (much the same way I'm not a murderer, but if you caught your spouse in bed with someone and killed that person, I understand) (Wow, that was pretty tangential)
Do you like to shop?
Oddly enough, I don't mind it. I can spend 10 hours in Sam's, Home Depot or Williams Sonoma. (I love kitchen stuff)
What was the last thing you paid for with cash?
Um. Beer.
What was the last thing you paid for with your credit card?
I'm always putting meals on my American Express card, which isn't really a credit card since you pay it off every month. I am in card-payoff-mode, so I'm not charging much these days.
Who was the last person you spoke to on the phone?
Dr. Mike. I'm pretty sure it was one of our "usual" conversations, during which we do one of the following: make fun of somebody, discuss our next big scheme to make money, or figure out who's bringing the beer we'll drink on his patio.
What is on your desktop background?
On this computer, starfish under water. I have seven computers though... which is another story altogether. (I have a thing about buying computers - I have three laptops. Whenever a new model comes out, I have to have it. I admit it is a sickness) Violet has two computers, a laptop and a desktop. That makes NINE computers in the house. I got all KINDS of backgrounds!
What is the background on your cell phone?
Whatever it was when I bought it.
What was the last movie you watched?
Night at the Museum. Violet and I both gave it about 3 out of 5 stars. Kid flick. Plus, any movie where Dick Van Dyke plays a villain... automatically gets bumped down a star.
What was the last book you read?
Strangely enough, the last book I FINISHED was E=MC2 - A Biography of the World's Most Famous Equation. Before that, it was Sagan's Shadows of Forgotten Ancestors. Yep, I'm a geek reader.
You can feel free to propogate this meme to your own blog if you wish, or pick one of them to answer via comment here. I hope that by reading mine, you have more of an insight into what makes me tick. But prolly not.

Monday, June 04, 2007


Although the prices are coming down somewhat, I wanted to post a few pics/editorial cartoons on my blog to remind me of how expensive the summer of 2007 was. Enjoy!


If life weren't busy enough lately, I am now consumed with the final few episodes of The Sopranos.

Never has there been a more vivid, guilty pleasure in television. I hate the way I love it. Tony Soprano is the guy every man wants to be for just a moment, minus the danger of bullets and the void of morals. You root for him and feel guilty for it.

Like a moth to a flame, there is an appeal to the danger of "the family." They are bumbling idiots at times, wildly dangerous killers at others, but in an odd way, the show is a metaphor for many aspects of life...
The next-to-last episode was filled with symbolic metaphor. The Sopranos was famous for that, but this week each scene was rife with deeper meaning. Fantastic writing. I was disappointed with the way Tony's history with Dr. Melfi ended, but even that is symbolic, in a way. It ended clumsily, as will Tony's life, probably.

I am certain I won't be the only one to miss them. Regardless of the final outcome, June 10th will be a bittersweet day.