After spending 30 minutes in vain searching for funnel cakes and the “guess my weight” guy, it appears Shoe Carnival is a goddamn hoax.
If dogs are as smart as the experts claim, why can’t they tell the difference between a Harley and a thunderstorm?
If you’re scoping women in a gym, it’s okay to consider what they WILL look like, instead of what they CURRENTLY look like.
If you’re running late and have no time to do laundry, you can improvise by wearing old underwear inside out.
If you’re going to San Francisco, be sure to wear some flowers in your hair.