Tuesday, October 11, 2005

A greatest hit of an ungreat blog

I was scouring the 'net for some hard news to exercise my mind tonight, and found something that would convince even the harshest religious skeptic of the existence of a creator:



That, ladies and gentlemen, is a grilled cheese with the virgin Mary on it. You may be skeptical, but it's 100 percent authentic. People are traveling the world to get a glimpse of this cherished religious symbol... hoping it bestows upon them the "blessing of the cheddar."

Then I happened across something even MORE astounding.



If you guessed this is a fish stick with Jesus on it, (DING DING DING) you are absolutely right! This morsel of mollusk is rumored to be a processed, homogenized and preserved piece of one of the actual fish Jesus duplicated in infinitum in the whole "loaves and fishes" thing. Obviously, a "Van DeKamp veneration."

It only took a few more mouse clicks until I came across...



The "Mary nursing Jesus" popcorn! That's right, this celestial kernel looks as if it "popped" right out of the heavenly husk of God. Who could question the obvious message He is sending through His mystical maize. If God has a name, it's probably Redenbacher.

But then, obviously satan became jealous of the attention given to the consecrated cuisine... and sent us THIS message (clearly authentic) on the side of a hot pocket:



What are we to make of this satanic snack? Could beelzabub be trying to lure us into his cheesy web of deceit? Or is the chef boyar-devil simply reminding us that, if we're not good, he'll save a nice little waterfront cottage for us... on the river STYX?

Side note: the luciferous hot pocket sold for 137 bucks on e-bay. No joke.

Finally my search for pietous pabulum was over, and I logged off the net. Faith in a creator is something you'll find in your heart - not in a grocery store.

Next stop, the pantry, where earlier I had spied a tater shaped like Hitler. That should fetch a handsome price.

13 comments:

Lightning Bug's Butt said...

I blogged about this a long, long time ago. I forgot what the hell I wrote, though.

Weary Hag said...

Frankly, that first image of the Virgin Mary - looked more like Jean Harlow to me. Just sayin.

Hm. I once found a fly in a meatball grinder. Damn. I could have put it on Ebay as Vincent Price!

Great posting, Dave...

Spinning Girl said...

God isn't in your pantry, he is in my iPod.
Great post. Even the 2nd time around, I blew a little coffee out my nose. And that is a good thing.

~The Goofy Ass Chick said...

It amazes me how people will read so much into imagery. I think people just want some form, any form, of real touchable evidence. Like SpinningGirl said, it's in our hearts.

Mishka said...

I thought the first one looked more like Madonna (the singer, not the bible version).

When things like this pop up, I am thankful that I am agnostic so it doesn't mean a thing to me....haha.

Freak Magnet said...

I agree with Mishka - Madonna in Evita. That's the first thing I see everytime I see it. I can see why no one wanted to eat it - who would want to eat Madonna after where SHE'S been?

Used Hack said...

Satanic Hot Pockets. Ahhhhhhh. :)

Anonymous Midwest Girl said...

I believe, I believe!

Justice said...

People amaze me with what they believe they see in things sometimes.

The Other Half said...

i wonder if anybody has ever tried to pass off a glass of lemonade as jesus piss...worse than that...i wonder how many people would drink it if you told them it would work miracles!!

~The Goofy Ass Chick said...

Ever made pineapple jello-? I call it "Piss on you. Here's your dessert". ;-)

OldHorsetailSnake said...

I once saw a play about fire ants pretending to be bananas. I don't think it advanced much beyond Off-Broadway.

Lee Ann said...

yummmmmm....fun with food!