Thursday, October 06, 2005

Cars, From Dave's View: A Rebuttal to Bug's Butt

In response to Lightning Bug's Butt's blog, I must take exception to his characterization of car loving people. He says:

"You know this guy, don’t you? He wears a baseball cap with the name brand of his car on it. He’s got the matching key chain, belt buckle, coffee mug and boxer shorts. He budgets a weekly detailing service while his child-support falls into arrears. He masturbates to Hot Rod Magazine."

Holy Christ, I AM this person. I have the hat, the coffee mug, the key chain. No boxer shorts or belt buckle... what am I, a fanatic?

Bug, look. We agree on SO many things. You are the absolute coolest blogger on Earth.*

Yet you're dead wrong.

I think cars define people. We buy them like we buy clothes... to wrap around us, make us comfortable and make a statement about who we are. Like socks, the color matters. Like underwear, they need good "headroom." Like lingerie, they need to make you feel sexy. And like a jock strap... well, never mind. There are no jockstrap analogies.

For many, vehicles are an extension of our personalities, and we should flaunt, exhibit and celebrate them. God bless the car club member! He/she searches out and finds similar friends with which to revel in a great American pasttime!

My current vehicles are pictured above, (the car's an actual picture I took, the truck is a stock shot from GMC) but just look at a few of the cars I've owned, and you'll see why I am celebrating my current vehicular situation:

Really, need I say more? I've been to the deepest part of the valley, felt the pressure and heat, and begun my climb. I shall not stop until I perch percariously at the top of my vehicular Everest!

*so cool he's been published. I salute you, my friend!


Lightning Bug's Butt said...

Yeah, but admit it: you do touch yourself to Hot Rod Magazine, don't you?

That's a sweet-ass Citation you had there. Chick magnet.

I know, I know. Cars are cool. My brother in law goes to a Corvette club and a Mustang club down the block. Sometimes I conjure up anger for comedic effect.

Dave Morris said...

Every copy of HR Magazine I own is dog-eared. Looks like some cataclysmically failed origami project.

So what? ;)

Lee Ann said...

I love your current vehicles. I want an A4 so much, that if I had one, I just might have all of those accessories that go with it, (key chain, hat, panties...:)

Weary Hag said...

Good God man ... I'm still trying to unwrap my brain from the photo you left in your prior post ... and now this?

I would like a drive around the block in your truck. I wouldn't even mind getting run over by the car.
I like them. They speak volumes about you Dave.

Excellent rebuttal - and I promise, the short bus comment wasn't intended for you.

~The Goofy Ass Chick said...

I had a guy tell me at one point that hot girls usually drive hot looking cars and okay to ugly chicks drive sucky ass cars.

I did and currently still do drive a white Ford Taurus. "What the hell does that say about me?" I asked him.

"You're the exception". Yeahh. Good answer.

Amandarama said...

I drive a 1992 rose colored Geo Prism. I don't drive it because it defines me. I drive it because at the time I bought it (in 1994), I lived next door to the manager of the dealership and it was a good deal (and my first car). Now I drive it because I can't afford to replace it.

The B&G said...


Riss said...

Here I am, of course I was curious.

I admit, I tease my friends who are in car clubs ("Teach me your secret handshake!!) but they enjoy themselves so who cares. I like tagging along for the food and free liquor.