Monday, October 03, 2005

Sexism Extraordinaire

When women make fun of men, it's fun. When men make fun of women, it's sexism.

So, these ATM instructions will be considered sexist. Sorry.

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A sign in the Bank Lobby reads: "Please note that this Bank is installing new Drive-through teller machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles. Customers using this new facility are requested to use the procedures outlined below when accessing their accounts.

After months of careful research, MALE & FEMALE procedures have been developed. Please follow the appropriate steps for your gender."


MALE PROCEDURE:

1. Drive up to the cash machine.

2. Put down your car window.

3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.

4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.

5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.

6. Put window up.

7. Drive off.


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FEMALE PROCEDURE:

1. Drive up to cash machine.

2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the machine.

3. Set parking brake, put the window down.

4. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.

5. Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up

6. Attempt to insert card into machine.

7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car.

8. Insert card.

9. Re-insert card the right way.

10. Dig through handbag ! to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page.

11. Enter PIN.

12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.

13. Enter amount of cash required.

14. Check makeup in rear view mirror.

15. Retrieve cash and receipt.

16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside.

17. Write debit amount in check register and place receipt in back of checkbook.

18. Re-check makeup.

19. Drive forward 2 feet.

20. Reverse back to cash machine.

21. Retrieve card.

22. Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided.

23. Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you.

24. Restart stalled engine and pull off.

25. Redial person on cell phone.

26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.

27. Release Parking Brake.

10 comments:

Lightning Bug's Butt said...

Now that was freggin funny.

Great work.

Mishka said...

I wouldn't say that all jokes about women by men are sexism...but I would like to add my take on the Men's Instructions...

1. Ask wife for money.

Only because my husband never uses the ATM, he just gets money from me....haha.

Spinning Girl said...

Oh shiite, I've been following the wrong procedure! Thanks for enlightening me!

Justice said...

You are just asking for trouble from the women readers, aren't you? LOL

Lee Ann said...

Hahaha, that is hilarious! I think I saw that same woman the other day!

Ashley said...

HAHA!! That is funny, and pretty scary because I have those dumb blonde moments sometimes when I drive away from the ATM and leave my card in it.

~The Goofy Ass Chick said...

Umnn... besides stalling my car out and having to write my PIN# in a diary, I think I've done all of these. It can't be sexist if it's true can it? I also have an addition to the male list: Make sure to take wallet back out from between your legs so that when you get back out of car you don't lose the damn thing. (Personal experience on two occasions with males).

phoenix said...

hmmmm can't say that I have ever had any of those female moments. I am the only one that uses an ATM card on my own account and have never left my card in the machine. Have never had to back up or realign my car or have I ever had to set the parking brake to use the machine. hmmmmmm is this because I am a redhead and quite smart? Could be!

My worst half could not use an ATM if his life depended on it. He can barely pull up the poker game on my PC to play it and god forbid the window should accidentally get minimized... he starts screaming for me LOL!

izyohl: Is your hope lost?

Weary Hag said...

You have the cutest way of doing sexism.

Let's not even TALK about the differences between taking a simple leak!

lilly05 said...

Too funny Dave. My problem usually is that I get too close to the ATM, this causes a problem in that I drive a pregnant rollerskate and I have to lean into the passenger side to see the stupid screen! I don't carry a purse, but I do have a bag that I carry to work and I do own a pocket book of sorts, so I'm weaving arround in the drive through digging my pocket book out of the duffel bag mere minutes before I reach the ATM!! Great post!