Monday, October 31, 2005

If I weren't so annoyed by attorneys and frivolous lawsuits...

... I'd sue all the fast food places that advertise this:

And then deliver this:

On a recent trip to an unnamed fast food restaurant that rhymes with Schmardees:

Me to the manager: "Sir, this burger doesn't resemble the picture. Why?" Manager: "The picture is a serving suggestion only." Me: "So you suggest I bring in my own buns, meat patty and trimmings?"


I'd also go to a gas station, ask for exactly one gallon of gas and demand 1/10 of a cent change. If they couldn't produce the change, I'd sue them for it. Mobil: Take the stupid 9/10 sign down and round it up to the next penny, you're not fooling anybody. Well, maybe some people... but NOT ME dammit.


I'd also sue companies for rebates I've never received.

How stupid is this? The company needs the ACTUAL barcode from the side of the box, the receipt and the filled-out rebate form within 30 days of the purchase in order to send me the check. Ah, but here's the rub. If the item malfunctions within 30 days and I need to take it in for an exchange, they NEED THE BARCODE AND RECEIPT in order to exchange it.

So to boil it down, if you want the 30 day exchange option, you must give up the rebate. BULLSHIT. No more advertising of the after-rebate price when it's nearly impossible to get.


Well anyway that's how I roll. Peace out.

end rant


lilly05 said...

You are on a roll Dave! Way to rant. I must say that I agree with you and how about the damn patty jockys that can't hit the bun? Or the cheese monkeys that only manage to get half of the slice on the meat patty? I went to that fast food joint that rhymes with barbies and ordered a roast beef with cheddar like substance. What I got was soy-log with a nickle sized blurb of cheddar goo that the near sighted boob managed to almost miss the bun with. What I mean is the cheese spooge was literally oozing out of one side because hitting the bun in the center is too difficult. I'm with ya, how 'bout a class action suit? Grin.

~The Goofy Ass Chick said...

I'm with you on #1 and #3. Wendy's is about the only one that actually hands you what appears on the advertisement. I've never understood the whole rebate thing anyway. Why not just mark the item down for the amount of the rebate to begin with.

Spinning Girl said...

Now I'm pissed off, too. Thanks a f***in' LOT.

Serving suggestion only? Are they trained to say that?

Rebates! argh!

9/10 of a cent! argh!

Have a good day.

Kimmy said...

While you're at it, how about movie theaters that list a showtime at 7:30, when in fact the actual feature doesn't start until 7:55 after all the freakin' ads and previews?
P.S. I LOVE that you nailed some adolescent Shmardees manager. Would have loved to be there!

Angie said...

Great rant. LOL

The burgers I serve always look like the first photo. It might be what's for supper this Halloween night.

Dairy Queen tries to use the same excuse when their ice cream doesn't look like the posters. I always make them redo it until it is as full and loaded with fudge and nuts as the poster. Otherwise they keep the profit and I get half the product. Don't screw with a pregnant lady looking for a peanut buster parfait!

Weary Hag said...

Yeah man.

And how about all the free offers out there? You can own this for free ($4.50 shipping and handling). I can't tell you how much shit I have in my house that was 'free' and how much money I've spent to have it "handled" before I ever got it. I don't want my shit HANDLED. Cut that shipping price in half and just keep your grimey paws off my goods. Better yet, how about you do what you said in your futhermucking ad and just send it to me for FREE? Wouldn't that be novel?

Mishka said...

You must live near a sucky Schmardees, because they produce the best burgers around...mine are almost always just like the picture and I love them. It irritates the crap out of me though that all burger joints show pics with green leaf lettuce on their burgers and none of them use it...iceberg all the way...

I love your rant...the 9/10 is perfect because it also seems that for every 10 gallons I should get a cent off or something, right? (it is too early for me to be doing math in my head).

Rebates are terrible...they want you to jump through hoops to get them. My friend always zeroxes everything he sends in and when he doesn't get his stuff in 6-8 weeks, he gets on the phone with them...and he always ends up getting his check. I think they are banking on the fact that most people forget that they sent in for a rebate.

OldHorsetailSnake said...

Then Schmardee's manager adds:

"Not that we could build anything like you want, but can only suggest it."

Justice said...

I agree with you. The food I get on my plate never looks as good as the food in the pictures.

Chris Cope said...

Man, what an extreme disappointment with the hamburger.

awaterpixie said...

::raises her hands and sings:: Hallaluijah!!!!

Finally someone who I can RELATE TO!!!

Lee Ann said...

That rebate thing can be a real racket! I have tried a couple of times through New Egg, and about the time you should be getting your rebate back (several weeks later) they send you a postcard saying that you did not send it in on time, therefore you will not get the rebate. They are hoping you won't take the time to resend a copy of your receipt (if you still have it). I guess a lot of people don't go to the trouble, and just don't respond. I always resend my receipt with a letter showing that it was sent on time. I eventually got it, but it was definitely a hassle.

Lightning Bug's Butt said...

Deep stuff, Dave.

You know, Andy Rooney tried that 1/10th thing years ago.

How about that bullshit, yo?

Ari said...

LOL! I can just hear you using that powerful voice to demand what you want at fast food joints (or anywhere).