Friday, October 07, 2005

Ten things wrong with me

Karla's list of "100 things wrong with me" clicked with my blogging style, so I'm borrowing it. I will now list the first 10, with no promises of how big my list will be... I'm pretty perfect.

1 - I'm selfish, a little. Okay a lot. I'm an only child, so the concept of sharing is one I'm still working on. Although I seem to have NO problem with sharing duties. If you ever want a bite of something I have, it's likely you'll have to ask because I won't be offerin'.

2 - I drive really fast. Except in school and construction zones, I drive at least 10 mph over, and usually more. I have invested a good amount of money in a top-of-the-line fuzz buster.

3 - I have a thing about having the best of whatever it is, televisions, toothbrush, cigar humidor, washing machine. It is a big reason I don't have a million dollars in the bank, and it also makes me seem a little pretentious. I'm not... I just want stuff that will last.

4 - I am a news junky, watching hours of network news per day. While this keeps me fairly well informed, it also makes me a geek. I'm watching the news right now... at 12:15 on a Friday morning. I. Need. A. Life.

5 - I am neater and cleaner than any straight man I know. (and I am straight, my boyfriend told me so) My place is tidy and smells good. I have an issue with having a dirty sink... it must be completely clean and free of stains. I wish I felt the same about my underwear, but clearly... no.

6 - I give my pets a voice. Sometimes they speak to each other, many times they speak to me. And frankly, there are times when they speak to themselves. Usually, though, it involves some sort of reply after I've told them to do something.

"Regis, do you want to go outside?"

"Of course not Dave, I always dance around at the door for no reason. If I lifted my tail, a turd would ricochet off of at least three walls. But no."

7 - My sense of humor leaves many people wondering if I'm joking or serious. I enjoy this.

8 - I need help with my wardrobe. I have a TON of checkered, collared button shirts and a lot of flowered Hawaiian shirts. Many jeans, lots of khaki pants, but nothing in my wardrobe is remarkable... except a silk Italian suit that looks like a million dollars on me. I need sock and shirt help, mostly.

9 - I do not like the "Support Our Troops" ribbon magnets... sorry if that seems unpatriotic, but I do not like them. (I resist breaking into a "Sam I Am" skit here) It's not that I don't support our troops, it just feels so contrived and trite. I love and support the men and women in the armed forces, but they don't see the ribbons, so having one becomes an empty gesture designed to eliminate guilt or artificially elevate us in the eyes of our fellow motorists. I do not like them in a box or with a fox. Whoops, see what I did there?

If you support our troops, write one a letter and tell them. Send them a cake. Buy their kid a gift at Christmas. Spending $1.99 at Quick Trip supports nobody except Quick Trip.

10 - I have a problem with faith... the belief in something of which there is no proof. I have little patience with those who believe in ghosts but do not believe hard scientific evidence. It saddens me when people give their money to a church expecting they will be blessed in return... while their kids go hungry. I'll respect you, just don't try to sell your lifestyle to me.

Boy, I could go on all night but I really need sleep. Whoops! I mean:

11 - I really need sleep.


Kimmy said...

I do believe in ghosts, I DO believe in Ghosts, I do, I do, I do, I do, I DO believe in Ghosts.

Weary Hag said...

Just as you resisted the "Sam I Am" temptation, I shall now resist the urge to tell you that I will NOT ask to bite anything of yours. Got it?
Now... I'm lovin the list. It pisses me off because I was kind of in the mood to do a list but I will NOT be a bloggy-cat. No, no and no.

The thing about your posts, if I may toss out my two cents (which, in my verbose style, translates to fifty bucks), I hate it when I get to the final sentence. I would like to continue reading on and on and on. Dammit.

The animal voice thing? I do exactly the same thing - and audibly - and often! So much so that my family has now tried adopting the voices I have assigned to each cat.

I'd say we might be cut from the same cloth as long as it doesn't have to be the cloth of a Hawaiian shirt. K?

Lee Ann said...

I am just like you with # 3 (that is when I have the extra $ to spend, it is always the best), 5 (except I am obviously not a man), 6 (they are so cute, they need cute voices), 9 (no more ribbons, magnets, etc. ~ that is so last year, no really I am tired of them, but I am patriotic nevertheless), 10 (I like to have my beliefs and I have respect for others, but don't push yours on me, I won't push mine on you).
Get some sleep this weekend. Have a great one!

Amandarama said...

"My sense of humor leaves many people wondering if I'm joking or serious. I enjoy this."

Me too. Go figure.

Just today, we told a teacher we'd have to yank a kid out of his class for testing. When the teacher asked what we were testing for I told him "VD". It took him a second to figure out that I was, well, joking.

Love my job...

lilly05 said...

Great start on your list Dave.
Can't wait to hear read the rest!

lilly05 said...

That was supposed to read hear/read the rest, btw. Sheesh what a mental midget I've been lately!! It's either that or my typing skills leave little to be desired....yeah, I think I like that one better! ;)

Mishka said...

I don't know if this list qualifies as "wrong" with you things...some of them are just who you are and aren't wrong at all (at least in my eyes).

Anyhow, I do they animal voice too but with wild animals as well. Squirrels, birds, raccoons...etc.

I am soooooo sick of the ribbons. Everyone around here has them and most of them know nothing, absolutely nothing about what "supporting the troops" is all about. Books for Soldiers or are two great ways to really support the troops and you don't have to ruin your paint job to do it.

I don't have a problem with faith, but I really, really don't want anyone trying to "save" me, anyone else, or relatively small third world countries for that matter. I think religion should be a personal thing between the person and their god of one else really needs to know about it. Oh, and I definitely think linking laws, and politics to religion no matter what religion is a really bad idea....

Spinning Girl said...

I think you are a prize.