Boy, I could go on all night but I really need sleep. Whoops! I mean:
1 - I'm selfish, a little. Okay a lot. I'm an only child, so the concept of sharing is one I'm still working on. Although I seem to have NO problem with sharing duties. If you ever want a bite of something I have, it's likely you'll have to ask because I won't be offerin'.
2 - I drive really fast. Except in school and construction zones, I drive at least 10 mph over, and usually more. I have invested a good amount of money in a top-of-the-line fuzz buster.
3 - I have a thing about having the best of whatever it is, televisions, toothbrush, cigar humidor, washing machine. It is a big reason I don't have a million dollars in the bank, and it also makes me seem a little pretentious. I'm not... I just want stuff that will last.
4 - I am a news junky, watching hours of network news per day. While this keeps me fairly well informed, it also makes me a geek. I'm watching the news right now... at 12:15 on a Friday morning. I. Need. A. Life.
5 - I am neater and cleaner than any straight man I know. (and I am straight, my boyfriend told me so) My place is tidy and smells good. I have an issue with having a dirty sink... it must be completely clean and free of stains. I wish I felt the same about my underwear, but clearly... no.
6 - I give my pets a voice. Sometimes they speak to each other, many times they speak to me. And frankly, there are times when they speak to themselves. Usually, though, it involves some sort of reply after I've told them to do something.
"Regis, do you want to go outside?"
"Of course not Dave, I always dance around at the door for no reason. If I lifted my tail, a turd would ricochet off of at least three walls. But no."
7 - My sense of humor leaves many people wondering if I'm joking or serious. I enjoy this.
8 - I need help with my wardrobe. I have a TON of checkered, collared button shirts and a lot of flowered Hawaiian shirts. Many jeans, lots of khaki pants, but nothing in my wardrobe is remarkable... except a silk Italian suit that looks like a million dollars on me. I need sock and shirt help, mostly.
9 - I do not like the "Support Our Troops" ribbon magnets... sorry if that seems unpatriotic, but I do not like them. (I resist breaking into a "Sam I Am" skit here) It's not that I don't support our troops, it just feels so contrived and trite. I love and support the men and women in the armed forces, but they don't see the ribbons, so having one becomes an empty gesture designed to eliminate guilt or artificially elevate us in the eyes of our fellow motorists. I do not like them in a box or with a fox. Whoops, see what I did there?
If you support our troops, write one a letter and tell them. Send them a cake. Buy their kid a gift at Christmas. Spending $1.99 at Quick Trip supports nobody except Quick Trip.
10 - I have a problem with faith... the belief in something of which there is no proof. I have little patience with those who believe in ghosts but do not believe hard scientific evidence. It saddens me when people give their money to a church expecting they will be blessed in return... while their kids go hungry. I'll respect you, just don't try to sell your lifestyle to me.
11 - I really need sleep.