Wednesday, October 05, 2005

I've Never Been To Me, sixth edition

By popular demand (yeah right) here's another installment of...

THINGS DAVE HAS NEVER DONE!!!

I've never:

54 – Shared my popsicle with a squirrel while “breakin’ it down” in a trendy night club.

55 – Leveraged someone’s naivety about genetic engineering by convincing them I am a cross between Ernest Borgnine and a melon.

56 – Shamed a gargoyle into leaving its post atop a building to fetch me sum White Castle.

57 – Sled dogging with Gene Rayburn.

58 – Fetched White Castle for a gargoyle.

59 – Changed my priorities by attending a gathering of heavy-hearted monks suffering capricious attacks by Arabian sheiks dressed in Old Navy garb, instead of honoring my commitment to clear a camping spot for psoriasis-stricken Chilean trappers.

60 – Had more than 20 comments on any piece I’ve ever written.*

61 – Had to wonder WHY I haven’t had more than 20 comments on any piece I’ve ever written.

*could this possibly be a blatant attempt to get my ego stroked by accumulating more than 20 comments on this post? Nah. Course not.

20 comments:

Anonymous said...

With mindless crap like that you probably wont be reaching 20 comments.

Kerouaced said...

Uhm, to the above comment, that was rude. The rule should be if you want to leave a comment like that you should leave your name...maybe he was one of those psoriasis-stricken Chilean trappers that you didn't clear a camping spot for...they can be nasty..

Lightning Bug's Butt said...

Don't fret on the comments. Perhaps most readers are too in awe to write anything.

And by the way, I'd love to have a gargoyle fetch me some White Castles. Damn I love that chit.

And get this: No WC in Tucson. WTF?

Spinning Girl said...

That

Spinning Girl said...

list

Spinning Girl said...

was

Spinning Girl said...

f***ing

Spinning Girl said...

great!

Spinning Girl said...

p.s.

Spinning Girl said...

anonymity

Spinning Girl said...

kinda

Spinning Girl said...

sux

~The Goofy Ass Chick said...

I haven't reached over 20 yet either. :-(

Weary Hag said...

To my thinking, you reach 50 every time; sometimes more.
What's in numbiz anyway? Their loss.

Your list was exquisite and don't even worry about Gene Rayburn. I hear tell he was a lousy dog sledder anyhow.

[to anonym-ass above: now I see why they have the short buses]

OldHorsetailSnake said...

I am NOT going to be a party to your pity party and leave you a comment. If you get 20, you'll just want 80, like I got the other day. Heh.

Hoss 1, Dave 0

Juliabohemian said...

30 is my record..

I have a great squirrel story.

I was at a park in Vancouver. Some old Asian tourist lady was crouched down on the ground, taunting the squirrels. She was coaxing it towards her with a small, stuffed giraffe. When it finally came close enough, she bopped it on the head with the toy and laughed. My husband and I were without words.

Spinning Girl said...

That's

Spinning Girl said...

20

Spinning Girl said...

isn't

Spinning Girl said...

it?