During my life, I've had to apologize for my share of gaps in good judgement... but I've never done so publicly. I figure it will be therapeutic.
1 - I'm sorry for calling my friend Joe Johnson "Blow Commodeson" in high school. A "john" and a "commode" are different things, ask any hooker.
2 - I'm sorry that, in a recent blog entry, I referred negatively to the lack of authenticity of some bloggers. In so doing, I inadvertently insulted my friend Dr. Mike.
3 - I'm sorry that, in gym class, we depants Wally Schneider almost daily... and especially during co-ed volleyball. In hindsight, it probably got him dates, he appeared to be fairly well hung. Not that any of us looked, oh no.
4 - I'm sorry I put itching powder in Kristy Tinsley's prosthetic leg socket while she was swimming. I realize now how much those legs can hurt when they make contact in a violent nature with unguarded testicles.
5 - I'm sorry for grabbing both sides of Eva Shepard's split ends in journalism class and turning them into two distinct, separate hairs. I know now that even a real leg can hurt when making contact in a violent nature with unguarded testicles.
6 - I'm sorry for blaming the especially ripe farts on Rena Winner during sales meetings. Afterward, people suspected she had a digestive tract condition.
7 - I'm sorry I slammed the glass studio door on my friend Ken's hand during a broadcast years ago, causing him to get emergency stitches on two fingers and up one arm. Oh wait, he did that to ME. Never mind. (and screw you Ken, I still haven't forgotten)
8 - I'm sorry for inventing stuffed animals that are dressed up as OTHER stuffed animals.
9 - I'm sorry for taking Tony Dickerson's girlfriend to senior prom even though she was clearly dating Tony at the time, just because I had invited her prior to them starting to date. Oh wait, he did that to ME. Never mind. (and screw you Tony, I still haven't forgotten) (and screw you too, Pam)
10 - I apologize for having deceptive, fallacious phone sex with Billy Greenwood's girlfriend one time because she could never tell our voices apart. After being caught, I discovered how much those ElectroVoice RE-20 microphones can hurt when they make contact in a violent nature with unguarded testicles.