Monday, May 02, 2005

Monday morning round-up

It was a simply shitty weekend. I can't think of a better way of summarizing it, just... shitty. Without going into why, let me just be thankful it's Monday. (I thought I'd never say those words!)


In the news this morning:

"...Adrift on a sailboat without food or fresh water for six days, 17-year-old Josh Long and a friend survived on sea water, raw jellyfish — and faith..."

I wonder how many days I've gone without "fresh water." I can remember one period where I went for 4 or 5 MONTHS drinking nothing more than beer, Pepsi and a little coffee. Not a single glass of water.

And sunburn? Holy UV, I've spent time in the emergency room after certain float trips when I figured sunscreen was for p*ssies. Not to mention a period of my life where I ate nothing but sushi for like 8 weeks. If it didn't come from the ocean and wasn't raw, I didn't ingest it.

Those guys are lightweights.


The woman from Georgia who, under pressure of a 600-attendee, 28-groomsmen/bridesmaid, completely overdone waste-of-time-and-money wedding ceremony, staged her own abduction and went to Albuquerque... it now appears, planned her getaway days prior to her "disappearance." And as we all know, the only thing worse than spur-of-the-moment lying about being abducted by a short Hispanic guy while jogging, taken to Albuquerque and being held against your will... is premeditatingly lying about being abducted by a short Hispanic guy while jogging, taken to Albuquerque and being held against your will.

Actually, it's quite possible that every single person IN Albuquerque is being held there against their will, but I digress.

Let's be honest. Nobody needs a wedding where 30 freakin' people stand at the altar at once, being watched by 600 guests. To spend that amount of money on a ceremony for a "cahoots" that will statistically last no more than 6 or 7 years is a ridiculous waste of hard-earned money.

And the poor fiance'. With the precidence of Peterson, Condit, O-J and others, the cops had him framed tighter than the Mona Lisa and taking lie-detector tests already. If he still marries this gal he's crazier than she is.

Wouldn't it be ironic if the punishment for "inventing a crime that doesn't exist" is 6 to 7 years in prison? Same basic result, different method.

Although this way, her family has leftovers for 600.



"Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy" opened over the weekend. If it's anywhere NEAR as good as the book (which I've just finished reading for the first time since the 80's) I can't wait to see it.


Have a good week everyone.



OldHorsetailSnake said...

Davers: You want something fun to do, see my post today (May 2) about the meme, then do the same. You can get the list of "If I could bes.." from I bet you would be dynamite at this kind of thing.

OldHorsetailSnake said...

I'm getting concerned about you, Kid. Where be you? You muff a voiceover because somebody rasping your pipes? Well, it wasn't me. I only own files, not rasps.

Chris Cope said...

It would be very low-brow to put a blatant link on your blog to my blog, even if I did write a column about the runaway bride, wouldn't it? Yes, that would be very poor blog etiquette.

Weary Hag said...

I couldn't agree more about the blushing bride. In fact, my prediction came true as I sat and watched video footage on MSNBC while the bride was still missing. This clip showed an interview of the ridiculous gaggle of bridesmaids as they all sat there practically laughing about the whole thing. Tell me that wasn't a preplanned hoax amongst old college buddies.

Kerouaced said...

She'd better hope she never really gets kidnapped because I don't think there will be too many people willing to look for her the next time...Crying wolf?

Kristy said...

If people spent even half as much time, money, attention, and energy on their marriages as they do on their weddings, we could make a huge improvement on that 6-7 year statistic.