Thursday, May 05, 2005

Cinco and cussin'

First, may I say happy 05/05/05 to you and yours. I will drink a margarita for each of you today. That's right, if my hit counter goes up by 50 today, I'll drink 50. Trust me. I am a man of my word. Happy freakin' Cinco.

Side note: only 13 months and a day until 06/06/06. Of course that's the day we'll all die horrible, grisly deaths at the hands of the anti-christ which is, ironically, Tom DeLay.


Do you curse? I do. It's not a good thing, and I'm trying to quit... but there are just words that are too good NOT to use.

The F-word is the Grand Mack Daddy of them all. Very flexible word, not many instances where it won't work for me. Except perhaps in church. Or on my site... I've never written that word here. YOU are welcome to use it anytime in the comment section, I do not censor you. I love you.

"Shit" goes without saying. (and yet I just had to say it didn't I?)

Some of the most fun curse words are those that replace people's names. I will list a few of my favorites now:

A classic staple is of course "asshole." It's a true paradigmatic masterpiece... and it says it all, doesn't it? Asshole flows trippingly off the tongue. (ew, I just used tongue and asshole in the same sentence and that just isn't right) I guess that's why it's stood the test of time... it's easy to say and applies to so many situations. I once told my fiance'-now-wife that I was an asshole. She can't say I didn't warn her.

"Asshat" is a good one, (sticking with the ass theme) yet I'm not certain what it means. "Assface" makes me giggle. And "asswipe" is as good as they come, I use that one quite frequently.

And then there's Dick. Why is it that I feel fine calling anyone dick... except those who are actually named Dick? It makes me squirm to talk to someone named Dick, yet I'm happy to call my buddy Ron a dick.

Do you have a favorite curse word? I'm feeling in a particularly down mood and would love to be picked up. So in the spirit of sharing, leave a comment my fellow potty-mouth! Cursing is very therapeutic.


OldHorsetailSnake said...

Dingleberry, meat loaf and load are three nice synonyms for a dump. You don't HAVE to say shit.

I saw your "dingo" comment. I told Chris you forgot armadildo.

Chris Johnson said...

A really bad word that women hate is c*unt. bad,bad,bad. I prefer asshole. That is what eveyone calls Bill, hell we even dedicated the Asshole song to him.

Anonymous said...

I'd say Bitch is a good one. Yes, you did warn me you were an asshole, but I didn't warn you I could be a bitch. Guess I should have been fair.

Your "Bitch" wife

paula said...

Pour me a margarita....I've got them in the fridge cooling for tonight....Fajitas and mexi rice are on also on the menu tonight if you care to join us :)

Benny Boy said...

Hey Uncel Dave and other readers. this is my first blog but i intend to become a regular writer. No one in this world has a dirtier mouth than me. It's an evil addiction and, like smoking, the best thing to do is never start.

Dave Morris said...

Feels kind of funny when your nephew comments on your entry about cursing.

Benny, wash your mouth out with soap before I tell your father!

Paula, that sounds great, I'll see if I can muster the energy to get off the couch and come that way.

Oooh, Chris. Bad word. BAD word. I can't even look at it without it burning my eyes out. ;-)

Horsetail, I am particularly fond of the phrase "coiled perfume snake." hehe!

kdillon said...

I always thought that the word "butthole" was funnier, and in some odd way a little nastier than just plain ol' asshole. It's a word not used enough in today's vocabulary, as far as I'm concerned.

gary said...

I know I need to get "in" on this one but can't seem to come up with a way to do it with any class (and you know what a classy guy I am). Of course we'll never forget the day I refered to MYSELF as a pathetic asshole and Tawnya, as quick as you can snap your fingers, chimed in, assuring me that I was NOT pathetic!!!

I kinda like the way you can just say "MOTHER" and everyone knows that the "F" is right there. I thnks that works well if your desire is to curse with dignity...but you're right Dave, swearing is very theroputic at times. Somehow, it's ashame that it's become a bit more socially acceptable. Almost like we're not doing anything wrong by cussing any more. Son of a Bitch, I hate it when that happens (sorry Sister Dominic)

The Cuke said...

Fuckass. How could I let this go unacknowledged? Ever seen Donny Darko? .. "What's a fuckass?"

Sid Dithers said...

Of course that's the day we'll all die horrible, grisly deaths at the hands of the anti-christ which is, ironically, Tom DeLay.

Wrong, oh voiceover breath.

Bill Viands is the anti-christ.

Dr. Mike said...

Smegma-breath is pretty much a great visual-cuss that I like-- unless cussing a Jew...

Assbag has to be my all-time favorite second only to:

"You m*therf*cking, pole-smoking, c*ck-sucking, assmunching, bad-breathed, good-for-nothing piece-of-dogshit!"

I feel better all ready.

Weary Hag said...

I agree with Gray in that "mother" is probably the most innocent of all implied curse words. The actual meaning of "mother" in one context conjures up warm and fuzzy feelings of the female parental unit, but oh baby, when used with a specific inflection, it takes on the whole "thems fightin words" meaning.
Of course, I would have to interject my NYC leanings on this one and add the street-style mirror of this word which is "mofo." That's one of my all-time favorites.

Chris Cope said...

I'm a big fan of c-nt. It is strangely the third rail of profanity in America, which makes it ridiculously effective.

Dave Steele said...

Well, I like the word... no, I take that back... I love the word "Douche-Bag." I find that word, hysterical. I can sit alone in a room, just me and what brain I have left and say 'douchebag' and it will make me smile. When I am down in the dumps, I can say 'douchebag' to which a smile will ensue. To imply that someone is a 'bag' to which a 'douche' is discarded just seem quite comical to me. Want to see me gigle a little, just say the word, it's all over.