Horriblescope

A busy day is ahead without too much time to write, so I figured I'd reuse an idea I had a week or two ago... converting my horiscope for today into it's REAL meaning.

What my horiscope for today SAYS:
TAURUS (April 20-May 20) ***** A partner tosses another view into the mix. Don't negate this option; work with this person's idea. You'll develop a sound path of action. Teamwork draws you into the winner's circle. Relax more. Feelings heat up to a point of discomfort. Tonight: Be a duo.


What my horiscope for today MEANS:
TAURUS (April 20-May 20) ***** Bob, your investment consultant, recommends against laundering your buddy's dog track winnings so his wife believes he received a generous government grant. Bob may be right, let the man speak. Your concern about permanent damage received by experimenting with the "enlargement apparatus," will be legitimized by the nice lady in the Emergency Room today. Allow both she and your wife to tug simultaneously for desired removal results. Try to relax and enjoy the vague resemblance to a threesome, it's likely the closest you'll ever get. Tonight, your Mother will resist your suggestion to move into a cheaper nursing home, and will see the idea for what it is. An attempt by you to get a larger inheritance when she keels over. The old bat obviously still holds a grudge for your suggestion that she invest in a chain of restaurants specializing in gravy products. Let your wife soften her up.