Things were falling out of my head again today, as I pondered life and it's valuable lessons. So I figured I might as well burden you with my mental flotsam. On my journey, I've learned:
1 - What’s right for you isn’t right for the next guy. Unless we’re talking about Anna Kournikova here.
2 - The older you get, the more stamps you have in the house.
3 - Now’s not a good time. Tomorrow. Always tomorrow.
4 - The length of time you can tolerate watching reality television is inversely proportionate to the length of time a person who doesn’t know what “inversely proportionate” means can watch reality television.
5 - People named Howard always have a certain look about them. Also Larry.
6 - Your lower back will cramp at the furthest point of the bike trail.
7 - A cell phone’s address book capacity will always be approximately 90 percent of your number of friends, family and associates.
8 - Nobody stops by unannounced unless you’re naked.
8b - Being naked doesn’t necessarily make someone stop by.
9 - Vegetable medleys suck.
10 - Sometime when you’re out of TP, you may be tempted to use a “feminine napkin.” Avoid doing this. The linear slippage factor is vastly less than that to which you are accustomed.
11 - You can’t screw up stir-fry, even by adding fruit.
12 - Corvettes are “look at me” cars. Except the one my friend Gary owns. He’s different. Just ask him. *
13 - If you ever own a cat, you should name him Ron. Every time you call him you’ll giggle. Ron is no name for a cat.
14 - You can search every channel late at night, and nothing you find will make you stop missing Johnny Carson.
15 - There’s no way a person with hands my size can ever eat an entire can of Pringles.
That's all I came up with for now... although my head tends to spring leaks at the most inopportune moments.
* - It's an inside joke. Gary knows I'm kidding. Mostly.
***
11 comments:
You're a numbers guy, you figure it out. Let's see, I'm MINUS one hundred horses... PLUS the element of surprise... = in the dust, party of me.
Although that trip was particularly fun. Nobody was passing either of us!!
Heh heh, the "Ron" thing cracked me up. Thanks for the laugh. :)
Thank you for your lovely comment on my site. It was very nice of you.
I like your list, but have one objection, I can mess up a stir-fry.
:lol:
That was hilarious! And I agree with you about Howard and Larry. They do have that look! ;)
This is my kinda post! #4 is definitly the most true.
I do stuff like this all the time on my blog. Except that I usually put my thoughts out there as questions that should be pondered over.
Nice blog, and thanks for visiting mine.
More! Those were great.
When I go naked, people don't visit. They leave.
You got certainly the most hilarious post I came across !
**hahahaha hahahaha ..ha ha ha..** trying my best to stop now..but.. LOLZ !
#4 is genius. It took me moment to sort it ut, but knowing that I watch no reality TV whatsoever, I knew it was a matter of moments before it came clear.
It did.
You drive a Beemer? Huh ...
I would never own a cat! I promise!
I do enjoy whipping out "inversely proportional" at a party. It's concise, descriptive and just obscure enough for those in the know to feel clever. Also, I am so glad I passed the reality television haters test…
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