Friday, May 27, 2005

I've Never Been To Me

Due to pressures from other bloggers, friends and several Portugese salmon fishermen, I've accumulated a list of a few things I've NEVER done.

For your information, I've never:

1- lowered myself via a rope around my ankles through a manhole to recover a green jade bracelet.

2- Touched the body of an elusive and deadly hammer-head shark with a real hammer-head while whistling the theme to “A Midsummer Night’s Dream.”

3- Had the urge to clean the navel of a big sweaty Mexican guy named Sidney during the months of July, August or October.

4- Drank tea while on a flight to Amsterdam.

5- Heaved a large stone into the Grand Canyon while wearing a purple flannel jumpsuit.

6- Shared photos of a friend’s pet hamster with an Irish guy by the name of Shelby.

7- Deviated from a plan to build the world’s first shopping mall made out of green soda bottles by substituting amber ones.

8- Examined the skeletal remains of an antelope while water skiing.

9- Cleaned the pool of any former president of the US when I should have been making deer jerky for a Canadian law student.

10- Held more than a dozen safety pins in one hand while farting to the tune of “My Sharona.”

11- Venetian baby shaking.


To be continued...

Happy Friday!

***

9 comments:

OldHorsetailSnake said...

I'm calling you out on the item about the hamster photos. I know for a fact...wait a minute, maybe the guy's name WAS Shelby...

Kerouaced said...

That green jade bracelet was mine. You didn't happen to see a a body down there did you? Not that I would know anything about that. I really liked those. Kee them coming...

Chris Cope said...

I have never tap danced at a nudist colony (more's the pity, too)

Raehan said...

I must say, I'm very impressed.

Juno said...

It's good to have goals :)

Dream big.

Weary Hag said...

One question: Does this mean you cleaned Sidney's navel during May? Cuz I thought that was MY job that month.
(keep these lists comin)

Blake said...

I've never taken done any of that stuff! Put I've petted a Swiss Cow in the Swiss Alps.

Blake

Anonymous said...

You have plenty of time to work on getting those things accomplished. :)

Spinning Girl said...

THIS made me snort, which is a mighty compliment.