Monday, April 11, 2005

Stupid, cliche list

My friend Gene, aka Hoss, has started a movement in the world of the internet - to stop using the word "blog." He wants to start calling the stories, anecdotes, opinions, etc. recorded here "pieces."

First step - getting the people at Blogger to rename their service "Piecer," but hey, a movement has to start somewhere.

For the record, I support Hoss in his quest, and from now on will avoid using the "B" word. Unless I forget or something.

Something you'll see on a lot of people's bl... um, personal sites... (how my doin' Hoss?) is the "(insert person's name here) Top 100 Fact List." As mundane and cliche as it may seem, I have read others' lists and found them beguiling. It's always fun to see how people actually describe themselves. (honesty seems sorely lacking in some of the lists I've seen)

I will now give you the first 10 items on my list of Dave-facts. I promise they will be honest, not contrived, and completely boring to you.

1- I am a fairly good saxophone player, but hardly ever pull out my instrument. (I love the phrase "pull out my instrument") I also play trombone and piano, neither very well.

2- I have my own business, and I owe my success to Bob Grayson and Emmis Broadcasting. Bob’s the first guy who hired me for imaging voice overs, Emmis paid out my contract after I quit, when they didn’t have to.

3- I am 1/4 Indian, and as a consequence, have little body hair. I only have to shave 3 times per week.

4- I love crossword puzzles but haven’t done one in years. I get addicted too easily.

5- I used to purchase cans of coke in the teacher's lounge at school, pour out some coke and add Jack Daniels I carried in a flask in my saxophone case.

6- I don’t really have a favorite kind of music, but I equally like country, jazz, classic rock, standards and old-school R&B.

7- I have a daughter from my first marriage. The marriage only lasted a few years, the daughter has now lasted almost 16. Lord, help me.

8- When I bought my first CD player, (1986) I also bought two CDs – Bon Jovi “Slippery When Wet” and Carpenter’s “Greatest Hits.” Advice: never put those two CDs in at the same time on shuffle.

9- My favorite book of all time is Robert Fulghum’s “Everything You Need To Know You Learned in Kindergarten.” I still believe it’s true.

10- My first car was a 1965 Dodge Coronet. It was my grandparent’s car, who sold it to my aunt, who later gave it to me.

More later, I'm even making myself sick.


OldHorsetailSnake said...

God, I hope No. 11 is: "I got run over by a truck and died," so that we don't have to read any more of this.

(Actual, Mr. Indian, I enjoy this kind of stuff. I never got drunk in high school, too.)

Kerouaced said...

That was a funny bl...uh, I mean piece. I would never exaggerate when describing myself. Everything I write about is true, from my developmental years in the Amazon rain forest to my days as a roadie for Pearl Jam...

Kristy said...

I used to play saxophone. I owned a Selmer VI at one time, so I was pretty cool. I taught my stand partner everything I knew. He ended up playing for Maynard Furguson. I ended up teaching remedial English to high school freshmen on the Oregon Coast. But, no, I'm not bitter. Not me. Are you?

Dave Morris said...

Hoss, just for that, you're lucky I didn't make number 11 "got a new head of steam and decided to go to 1000."

Steve, Vedder was such a dick about his socks, wasn't he? And I don't remember seeing you in the old 'Zon hood, but there was that time I had become infested with the skinworms and was gone for treatment back in the states...

Kristy, if you're looking for sympathy doing ANY kind of job along the Oregon coast, I'm not your guy, try living in St. Louis. Although roadtrips with Ferg would most likely be an excellent way to pass time. By the way, did you ever try to learn the Benny Hill theme on that thing?

Anonymous said...

I remember when you went to "State" music contest with your Sax. You were a pretty good player Dave.