Tuesday, June 14, 2005

Puke if you must, it's more about Dave

I realize it's self serving and nobody cares. That's why I do it.

The higher the number, the less significant the facts. I'm just so freakin' young, I'm almost out of things to tell you. Here we go:

71- My favorite color is green. In its many versions, it is the color of Spring, money and cow shit.

72- I still have my tonsils intact. I haven’t had a problem with them since tonsillitis at age 8. Tonsillectomy is a bogus profit center for hospitals.

73- I have a desire to live in Manhattan in a high rise apartment building. I know the crowds will frustrate me, but oh, the hookers! ;-)

74- I am not the jealous type. It really is a waste of time, especially when you could be knitting or something.

75- I started a new tradition attending the St. James Court art show in Louisville every year. It includes a trip to Jack Frey’s Restaurant for the world’s most incredible pork chop. I’ve never tasted anything like it.

76- My cat, Kramer, is 12 years old. I am not a cat person, but he seems like more of a dog than a cat. Especially the way he humps the leg of strangers.

77- I’ve never seen Dolly Parton’s bare breasts.

78- I was an army brat for a while in North Carolina. We used to go out on weekends and watch my step father jump out of airplanes. It was fairly boring and I could never tell which parachute was him anyway.

79- I am not a fan of sweets, but occasionally I get a craving and will eat nearly an entire carton of ice cream by myself. This is not a good thing ever.

80- I am a fast driver. If I’m on the highway, I seldom drive under 80 mph. I’ve had many, many tickets and yet I persist. It’s easier to hire a lawyer and have ‘em fixed. I have never been at fault in an accident.


Lightning Bug's Butt said...

All those tickets and no court judgements against you?

You must be playing the race card.

OldHorsetailSnake said...

You never saw Dolly's booty because you're always going too fast. But the New York hookers will like you for being fast.

Angie said...

My mother had her tonsils out at age 50. One grew back.

Why would you want to see Dolly's bare breast? Surely they are full of scars. Accckkkk!!

Weary Hag said...

I've never been one of Parton's bare breasts either. Oops. That's a typo but I'll leave it up there cuz it sounds realistic.
Green is also my favorite color except when seen in a baby diaper.
I hope you intend to continue on to 200 with your list; can't get enough of this stuff.
I still have my tonsils too, but I know this NY hooker who doesn't. Interested?

Rob Seifert said...

Glad I followed the Hag to your blog Dave! I'll be adding it to my favorites. This post and the one before it left me curled up in my chair LMAO. Thanks for the smile!


Anonymous said...

I LOVE number 76... made me giggle outloud! :)