I checked my horiscope this morning, and have included below the actual and translated versions.
What my horiscope for today SAYS:
TAURUS (April 20-May 20) Your anger cannot be suppressed much longer. You could explode or become ill. Let others know how you feel before the end results are negative. Tonight: Work through stress.
What my horiscope for today MEANS:
TAURUS (April 20-May 20) The veins on your shoulder, temple and ass are bulging like the levis on a porn star. You're really pissed off about the lack of profit from your drunken, ill-advised investment in the new lacy yet "pouch-supportive" product your almost-gay-sounding friend Jean-Luc invented called "manties," and should either confront him about it or prepare for an impending cardiac burst and resulting complete dispensing of any profit you've ever made from ANYTHING to an undeserving, greedy vulture-like family. Tonight: it will take a lot of work to drink an entire fifth of scotch, but you'll feel better.