I rushed home and began writing furiously. I expect to receive the call from Hallmark any day now. I can't share much, I don't want my ideas plagarized, but I will give you a few timely examples.
1 - Dad, I love you and all but I can’t say you raised me, helped me learn to play catch, taught me to shave or any of those other Dad-ish things since we only met a few years ago... so thanks for your recent portfolio advice and thoughts on my impending retirement. Happy Father's Day!
2 - Mom, I'm sending this card to you since you've managed to burn through so many husbands I have no idea how to contact any of them. Happy Father's Day, Mom!
3 - You raised me and you're an ass... but I still LOVE you! Happy Father's Day!
4 - To whom, thanks for the teddy bear I received in the mail last April. Happy Paternity Day!
1 - Mom, you've caused me to fear even the smallest things and my life's a shambles. Thanks for the lifelong prescription of Paxil! Happy Mother's Day!
2 - Mother, the way you dominated and brow-beat Dad all these years has inspired me. I hope you enjoy this card that I made Harold pick out for you. Happy Mother's Day!
3 - Maternal entity, thanks for having the good sense to let my Grandparents raise me. I hope you work through your issues! Happy Mother's Day.
The next time you hear from me, I will be rich beyond my wildest dreams. Hallmark is based in Kansas City, perhaps I should go ahead and move.