Wednesday, June 22, 2005

I really need to get a life

I'm experiencing another morning of self-disgust, as I list more things I have never done. What the hell is wrong with me?

I've never:

22 – checked a homeless guy for ticks.

23 – thrown anything that was alive into the face of an octogenarian who was sitting Indian-style and typing.

24 – Given the current time to the offspring of a public official while buffing my shoes with heavy whipping cream.

25 РBangladeshi macram̩ with anyone named Mildred.

26 – Swam with beavers toward the light of a camp full of accountants who had evil intentions.

27 – Shirked my responsibility regarding any type of brick-laying.

28 – Given syrup of ipecac to a hyena, then laughed and laughed and laughed as it recited haiku using the voice of Kate Hudson.

29 – Written my name in snow with not-yet-congealed pineapple jello.

30 – Prostate surgery. (that one’s for you, Hoss)

31 – Given in to the teachings of a tribe of manipulative yet fairly reasonable blacksmiths, each named Ed.

***

4 comments:

OldHorsetailSnake said...

Nancy Reagan has promised me a new prostate just as soon as her stem cellers can grow one. In the meantime, I will continue to tick off homeless people.

Kerouaced said...

If you're going to run with any group the beavers are the best to do it with. Laugh if you will be beavers will one day rule the world...

Angie said...

You have plenty of time to do many of these.

Weary Hag said...

Don't worry about not having done these things. They're really not all they're cracked up to be.
I was just thinking, however, after reading Kerouaced comment... you could work on some ideas for a new movie called "Runs With Beavers." No really. It could be a sequel to "Dances With Wolves."