Thursday, June 09, 2005

Dave's Horriblescope for today

What it SAYS:

TAURUS (April 20-May 20) Your way of presenting a problem could be a bit stiff or hard.
Don't be so critical of yourself. What starts out as a tough situation could loosen up. Tonight: Swap news with a pal.


Translated into what it MEANS:

TAURUS (April 20-May 20) Packing all your shit and sitting it in the garage prior to telling your wife you’ve contracted clamidia from a baby rhino during a recent zoo trip is overreacting. Perhaps she will understand. Just remember that sometimes these things happen to even the best of us, it’s not ONLY because you are a sexual deviant with a certain above-average attraction to slow moving, helpless animals. That disagreement between you and your parole officer regarding what constitutes the lawful description of “prostitution” will be settled when you promise to cut him in. Tonight, come clean to your buddy Bob about what really happened to his tricked out Harley Road King Classic that weekend he was on vacation. He’ll understand... but lock the garage where you keep your mint condition 1964 1/2 Mustang convertible.

6 comments:

Lightning Bug's Butt said...

Hey, I'm a Taurus. Thaks for the advice!

Bottle Rocket Fire Alarm said...

Mess with the rhino, young man, you'll get the horn.

Weary Hag said...

Now why would a perfectly fit and sane Taurus go chasing after a Rhino? You're supposed to be looking for the BULL Dave, the BULL.
Great advice!

Angie said...

How do you come up with this stuff? lol

OldHorsetailSnake said...

Well, I can see where you'd need to be stiff and hard if you're going to make love to a 1964 1/2 Mustang. Other than that, I think you've got it pretty easy.

Dave Morris said...

Bug, yep. I had you pegged as a Taurus.

BRFA, one of my favorite lines of all time.

Carol, thanks for setting me straight, but those rhinos are so much slower.

Angie, if I ever find out, I will alert my doctor and have myself fixed.

Hoss, probably right. And I've always wanted a 64 1/2 Mustang. It's the year I was born.