Thursday, May 18, 2006


Since I am sick, and don't really feel like writing, I've plagiarized* myself. (and we all know how painful that can be)

I wrote this about a year ago and I'm making you read it again. I tweaked it a little. I'd like to think I tweaked because I'm a better writer today... but we all know better, don't we?

UFOs, crop circles and the mass extinction of dinosaurs 65 million years ago are more easily explained than the phenomenon of instant messaging.

My daughter can be next door to a friend and, instead of walking outside and talking over the fence (oooh that sun is sooo hot!) they'll sit and chat via IM.

For hours.

Instead of getting together or picking up the phone and holding a conversation, some choose to type into a cold, unfeeling computer program, which whisks each message through India, Indiana and outer space via the 'net to your friend's computer - at the same time stripping every bit of emotion, nuance and meaning out of it. And all the smiley faces in the world won't truly convey the message or emotion of the spoken word. That's why we're always mad at each other... we depend too much on email and IM when we're right next door... or in the next cubicle.

For example, the following sentence can be taken a number of ways:

"How many times has he told you about fixating on sheep?"

First it could be asking how MANY times. Or, how many times has HE told you. Or, how many times has he told YOU. Or, about FIXATING on sheep. Or, fixating on SHEEP.

A simple sentence can mean so many things, and a phone call would make the message crystal clear... that you are wasting your time on sheep when goats are perfect replacements. Yet, we continue to be confused, pissed or bewildered by things we should be informed, enlightened and lucid about.

While I'm at it, I am tired of terms like LOL. People, look... LOL means "Laugh Out Loud." If you don't laugh out loud, don't type LOL! Okay?

ROFLMAO means "Rolling On the Floor Laughing My Ass Off." Don't you agree that it would be difficult to reach the keyboard from the floor? So in reality, you weren't rolling anywhere, were you?

I suggest new, more appropriate acronyms:

CHUCKLE - Chuckle
STHWWS - Slight Tee Hee With Wry Smile
IFWYJSPFA - I Found What You Just Said Pretty Freaking Amusing (substitute the F if you wish)
TWFIAPSOW - That Was Funny In A Perverse Sort Of Way
TMPSOOMN - That Made Pepsi Shoot Out Of My Nose
YMMLSHITUALIMM - You Made Me Laugh So Hard I Threw Up A Little In My Mouth

Sure, it will take longer to type these, but at least you won't be deceptive. I want real honesty in the IM's. Not LOL.



*I corrected the spelling. "Thanks," Violet. I think.


❉ pixie ❉ said...

A friend of mine and I used to say (verbally) "loti"—laughing on the inside. Because, you know, sometimes things can be funny, but you don't actually laugh out loud. With your post I was doing a whole lotta loti.

Lightning Bug's Butt said...

Great idea, Dave. Seriously, I hope some of those catch on. We need more than LOL and BRB.

mckay said...

(great post)
I would've called to tell you that because you can't really tell if i'm being sincere or a Brat, but i don't know you from Adam. I don't have Adam's number either.

OldHorsetailSnake said...


(You're right, by God.)

Violet said...

hmmm... "plague-rize" or "plagiarize"? could this be a freudian slip, looking for sympathy for your seemingly unending illness?


word verification or instant messaging acronym? you tell me...

Lee Ann said...

I am sorry you are sick, I hope you feel better sweetie!