Friday, May 05, 2006

Daktari, you're going a little deep into the jungle aren't you?

Colonoscopies are never fun - although I have never had one, I can only imagine that putting something the size of an average microphone stand up your butt will cause pain.

Here is a list of things patients have said to their ASSMAN during a colonoscopy:

"Take it easy, Doc. You're boldly going where no man has gone before!"
"Find Amelia Earhart yet?"
"Can you hear me NOW?"
"Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?"
"You know, in Arkansas, we're now legally married."
"Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?"
"You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out..."
"Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!"
"If your hand doesn't fit, you must quit!"
"Hey Doc, let me know if you find my dignity."
"You used to be an executive at Enron, didn't you?"
"God, now I know why I am not gay."
"Could you write a note for my wife saying that my head is not up there?"

Add your own, if you can think of one.

At age 42, I can imagine my doctor will be broaching the subject soon. I can't wait.


Blogarita said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Blogarita said...

"Hey Doc, do you mind taking my tonsils out while you're in there?"

Raynwomaan said...

That last one had me rolling!

heidi said...

"There's my erection!"

Violet said...

"This reminds me of this one time in 'Nam..."

Fantastagirl said...

and one time at bandcamp...

oregoncelticlady said...

ewwwww! I think I will stick with the joys of mammograms! Hey, come visit again some day!

Amandarama said...

It really doesn't get any better than Fletch singing "Moon River" while being examined by his proctologist.

But, for the sake of argument, here's mine:

"So, I see you're playing Dick Cheney to my George Bush."

Lee Ann said...

As Phil Collins said:
I wish I could just make you turn around,
turn around and see me cry
There's so much I need to say to you,
so many reasons why
You're the only one who really knew me at all

So take a look at me now, ...

Oh yes, I like the new template...looks a little familiar to me. Hmmmm, wherever I have seen it, I really really like it! :)

StringMan said...

I'm pretty sure I've said a few of them ... the conscious sedation drugs are weird. Apparently they talk to you during the procedure and you can respond, but you don't remember anything. I imagine some prankster proctologists tell some amusing tales about things they get people to say under those circumstances.

Lightning Bug's Butt said...

Don't worry. They put you in twilight sleep. You won't remember anything due to the narcs.

Violet said...

"dick cheney to my george bush?" hilarious, amandarama!!!

Blogarita said...

Ah, sneaky template change. I like.

It's Me, Maven... said...

"Have you found any WMDs yet?