Wednesday, November 16, 2005


I have little time to post today, so I had to whip out something from the archive. Sometimes I forget I wrote this stuff. I was talking to another blogger recently about the zone you enter when you're writing. It's almost as if someone else (or a higher power) takes over and starts operating your fingers. Ever get that feeling?

Anyway, a list of things I've learned:

1 - What’s right for you isn’t right for the next guy. Unless we’re talking about Anna Kournikova here.

2 - The older you get, the more stamps you have in the house.

3 - Now’s not a good time. Tomorrow. Always tomorrow.

4 - The length of time you can tolerate watching reality television is inversely proportionate to the length of time a person who doesn’t know what “inversely proportionate” means can watch reality television.

5 - People named Howard always have a certain look about them. Also Larry.

6 - Your lower back will cramp at the furthest point of the bike trail.

7 - A cell phone’s address book capacity will always be approximately 90 percent of your number of friends, family and associates.

8 - Nobody stops by unannounced unless you’re naked.

8b - Being naked doesn’t necessarily make someone stop by.

9 - Vegetable medleys suck.

10 - Sometime when you’re out of TP, you may be tempted to use a “feminine napkin.” Avoid doing this. The linear slippage factor is vastly less than that to which you are accustomed.

11 - You can’t screw up stir-fry, even by adding fruit.

12 - Corvettes are “look at me” cars. Except, of course, the one my friend Gary owns. His is different. Just ask him.

13 - If you ever own a cat, you should name him Ron. Every time you call him you’ll giggle. Ron is no name for a cat.

14 - You can search every channel late at night, and nothing you find will make you stop missing Johnny Carson.

15 - There’s no way a person with hands the size of mine can ever eat an entire can of Pringles.


Spinning Girl said...

I get that feeling a lot. I call it "the muse at a gallop". SOmetimes, I call it "David". I'll come back later & read this; I have ADD and I am running late, anyhow.

phoenix said...

Good list... my archives are not that great so will have to wait a bit.

I am sure I will get more out of this tomorrow. ;-)

Weary Hag said...

Here's a tip, Dave. Tilt the canister on it's edge; the Pringles will slide right out. Of course, this from a woman who can slide her hand in clear to the bottom. Christ. Now you've got me talking porn.

Your archives make my current posts look like dogmeat. Thanks.

Spinning Girl said...

First of all--you know how I feel about empty praise, but this post is effing GENIUS. I loved #4 especially, and the cat named Ron. How about a cat named Eric? You are so funny, and so cute, and I love your voice.

Spinning Girl said...

p.s. I love Weary Hag! Just wanted to shout that from the rooftops.

Lightning Bug's Butt said...

These are my favorite kinds of post, Dave. I enjoyed these maxims.

I checked out your professional website, the one you linked last post.

Wow! What a cool career you've carved out for yourself. It must be very rewarding.

Nice to be able to put a voice with the blog!

Lee Ann said...

"8 - Nobody stops by unannounced unless you’re naked."
haha, especially maintenance men that have a have never seen 2 people move so quickly ;)

Lee Ann said...

So Dave, you have large hands? hmmmmm!
Don't forget to come get me before we go out to play tonight!

Justice said...

I know how you feel man. After coming back from vacation, I have had little time for blogging.

Spinning Girl said...

I'm coming out to play too, I haven't been drinking this gallon of gatorade for nothin'.

Lee Ann said...

Spinning ~ we will all get together to play! YAY!