Once when I was a kid, (being the butt-kissing child I was) I set out to do something nice for the women in my life. I figured what worked for Grandpa could work for me, so I went outside and picked a handful of flowers and wrapped them in a paper towel for presentation to my Mom and Grandma. Upon handing them over, complete with hug, one of them had the gall to ask where I'd gotten them. Excuse me, but isn't it a bit arrogant to question such a thing? It was the classic example of looking a gift horse in the mouth.
At that age, I hadn't yet developed my skills of disinformation and distortion of the facts. So, I spilled it and told the tale of how I had taken a shine to neighbor Sue Young's beautiful lillies, tulips and chrysanthemums, and had extracted them from her glorious flower bed to advance my cause.
Shortly after, I learned via a rather ardent ass beating that flowers belong to those who own the property around them. An intriguing concept, this... one I hadn't yet learned in my sum total of five years on Earth. After the Defilement of the Buttocks, I was made to walk the flowers back to Sue, present them to her and apologize. She cried. So... very... weak.
Ah, but it was indeed an ass beating for the ages. I'll always remember it, and to this day I always go through FTD.
Why don't you share YOUR favorite ass beating story? Come on, you know the masochist in you wants to.