Sunday, November 27, 2005

Blogger Piefest 2005

I had an incredible Thanksgiving with friends, a day of rest and reflection on the blessings of the year... and a meal unmatched in recent memory. It included all the traditional fare, with just one exception.

No pumpkin pie.

Upon relaying this information to Spinning Girl, and after forcing her to listen to me whine and moan about the lack of said pie, she suggested (with just a twinge of doubt concerning my kitchen aptitude) that I create my own. Secretly, inwardly, I doubted myself and my abilities in the kitchen, but my doubt of the existence of a "pie fairy" was even stronger, so I agreed. She and I would bake pies concurrently. Click here to read her interpretation of the bakin' good times at her house. Read below to find (and see illustrations of) my version of the story.

After beating hell out of a couple of eggs, I opened a fresh can of homemade pumpkin pie mix.

Unfortunately, Spinning Girl informed me of the importance of preheating my oven at the same time as she was explaining how the pie fairy WAS real and all I had to do was believe, and click my heels together or some such shit. I chose to believe neither, so the oven went unheated for a good 20 minutes. I felt silly when I figured it all out.

I was aided by a bottle of Jacob's Creek. Everytime I spilled anything on the counter, I would take a drink. Anytime I mixed in another ingredient, I would take a drink. Anytime Spinning Girl turned the conversation back to her, I would take a drink. In no time, I was buzzing like a saw.

Oops, I spilled the evaporated milk. Time for more Jacob's Creek. I love that Jacob. About this time, I explained to Spinner what a mulligan was in the game of golf. I fear she didn't understand... neither what a mulligan was, nor why I even brought it up.

Mixy mix went the ingredients, drinky drink went Dave, and Spinny Spin went SG. As we talked, I couldn't help but wonder... "is it right to bake pies with your pants around your ankles?"

Mmm. Cool Whip. And NOT the kind from a spray can, I'm a purist, goddamn it. I used the frozen kind from a tub.
About halfway through the baking process, I looked in and saw the beauty that is pumpkin pie. The anticipation was unbearable, so to pass the time, I requested that Spinning Girl explain the Periodic Table of the Elements to me again, and we compared notes on how genius The Far Side's Gary Larson is.

The finished product! After baking it for an extra 30 minutes because of the altitude here in St. Louis, I realized I had baked The Perfect Pumpkin Pie completely from scratch.* It was all because of Spinning Girl that I realized my dream of having Earth's Greatest Pie, and found the personal strength to make it myself.**

Next week, profiteroles with neopolitan ice cream and hot fudge with a chaser of Hawaiian Kona coffee.


* Yeah, I said scratch. If IHOP's biscuits and gravy qualify as homemade, (as their menu says... even though they were NOT made in anyone's home) I can say this completely fabricated baked good was made from scratch.

** She forced me to say this. She's really persuasive that way.

UPDATE: The pie met with such positive feedback, Dr. Mike has already developed the art for my own line of pie mix.


Dr. Mike said...

Nice, Dave. I think I saw your pumpin pie at the store... Sounds like you, Spinning Girl, and Jacob had a great time!

lilly05 said...

Good job Dave! We are all so very proud of your first cullinary accomplishment. Watch out Iron comes Dave. :) P.S. The pie fairy has never made a visit to my house either, I suspect that it takes a lot of alcohol, faith and a trip to the grocery for this little miracle to occur. Good luck.

Calzone said...

I like pie...I mean I really, really do.

FRITZ said...

This dual pumpkin pie is overwhelming. How did you guys get so organized? Save a teeny bit for me. Just a teeny bit.

babyjewels said...

dave, I read sg first and I have to say, your pie looks better. I'm a purist and I like a dough crust. Yummy. and nice countertops and stove. and wine.

Rob Seifert said...

Bah! I suppose I'll have to make a pie now too... Making the pies was my job during the holidays when I was growing up and thanks to my mother, I'm pretty good at it. Don't tell Cher though! SHHHHHH!


Spinning Girl said...

Your pie looks soooooo much better than mine. It's sad, in a way. It's the foil, isn't it.

Lee Ann said...

Wow, Dave, that looks really good. I didn't get any pie for thanksgiving either. Maybe that was what was missing with this holiday.
Save me a piece!

OldHorsetailSnake said...

You will make somebody a good wife. If you do windows.

Chris Johnson said...

Dave, i understand how you feel about not getting any pumpkin pie, it is my favorite. I could of ate some but I wanted just plain ol' cool whip not the flavored stuff that was available. Maybe I will come over and eat some of your pie!

Used Hack said...

I only like pecan pie, but I gained six pounds this weekend. Woo hoo!

Spinning Girl said...

Wow, I notice the investors aren't exactly snapping up opportunities to market my pie. Spinning Girl's broken-crusted pies! With whipped cream straight from her own finger!

gary said...

I am clearly in a quandry over the fact that any man will tell you how "un-manly" it is to bake pies....yet any woman will surly agree how attractive it is for a gut to be so truely in touch with his sensitive and clearly domestic demeanor. To help salvage your image with us guys Dave, could you please lie to us and tell us that you bought the ingrediants, spread them out for the photo's, did something kinky with the cream, then took a picture of the pie you bought in the frozen food section!

It's not that i'm not a sensative guy...really...I know that...but do I have to bake a pie too to keep up with you. You're killing me here.

Lightning Bug's Butt said...

Damn I wish I could have eaten a piece. Great read, Dave. I'll bet you remember baking this pie on your death bed. It's stuff like this that attaches to your long-term memory.

~The Goofy Ass Chick said...

You're better than me my friend. I just take a frozen pie, pop it in a Longaberger pie plate, pop it in the oven and pass it off like I made it myself. I even sprinke a egg white and sugar on top for pizzazz.

Weary Hag said...

Wonderfully entertaining post!!

Now the thing I've found about pie is this ... (and with your vocal talents, I know you can do a bang up job with this)
You can't fully appreciate pie until you can say it just like Cartman from South Park. Try it. You'll see what I mean. Makes all the difference in the world... especially if you whine really loudly while saying it.