No pumpkin pie.
Upon relaying this information to Spinning Girl, and after forcing her to listen to me whine and moan about the lack of said pie, she suggested (with just a twinge of doubt concerning my kitchen aptitude) that I create my own. Secretly, inwardly, I doubted myself and my abilities in the kitchen, but my doubt of the existence of a "pie fairy" was even stronger, so I agreed. She and I would bake pies concurrently. Click here to read her interpretation of the bakin' good times at her house. Read below to find (and see illustrations of) my version of the story.
After beating hell out of a couple of eggs, I opened a fresh can of homemade pumpkin pie mix.
Unfortunately, Spinning Girl informed me of the importance of preheating my oven at the same time as she was explaining how the pie fairy WAS real and all I had to do was believe, and click my heels together or some such shit. I chose to believe neither, so the oven went unheated for a good 20 minutes. I felt silly when I figured it all out.
I was aided by a bottle of Jacob's Creek. Everytime I spilled anything on the counter, I would take a drink. Anytime I mixed in another ingredient, I would take a drink. Anytime Spinning Girl turned the conversation back to her, I would take a drink. In no time, I was buzzing like a saw.
Oops, I spilled the evaporated milk. Time for more Jacob's Creek. I love that Jacob. About this time, I explained to Spinner what a mulligan was in the game of golf. I fear she didn't understand... neither what a mulligan was, nor why I even brought it up.
Mixy mix went the ingredients, drinky drink went Dave, and Spinny Spin went SG. As we talked, I couldn't help but wonder... "is it right to bake pies with your pants around your ankles?"
Mmm. Cool Whip. And NOT the kind from a spray can, I'm a purist, goddamn it. I used the frozen kind from a tub.
About halfway through the baking process, I looked in and saw the beauty that is pumpkin pie. The anticipation was unbearable, so to pass the time, I requested that Spinning Girl explain the Periodic Table of the Elements to me again, and we compared notes on how genius The Far Side's Gary Larson is.
The finished product! After baking it for an extra 30 minutes because of the altitude here in St. Louis, I realized I had baked The Perfect Pumpkin Pie completely from scratch.* It was all because of Spinning Girl that I realized my dream of having Earth's Greatest Pie, and found the personal strength to make it myself.**
Next week, profiteroles with neopolitan ice cream and hot fudge with a chaser of Hawaiian Kona coffee.
---
* Yeah, I said scratch. If IHOP's biscuits and gravy qualify as homemade, (as their menu says... even though they were NOT made in anyone's home) I can say this completely fabricated baked good was made from scratch.
** She forced me to say this. She's really persuasive that way.
UPDATE: The pie met with such positive feedback, Dr. Mike has already developed the art for my own line of pie mix.
12 comments:
Nice, Dave. I think I saw your pumpin pie at the store... Sounds like you, Spinning Girl, and Jacob had a great time!
I like pie...I mean I really, really do.
This dual pumpkin pie is overwhelming. How did you guys get so organized? Save a teeny bit for me. Just a teeny bit.
dave, I read sg first and I have to say, your pie looks better. I'm a purist and I like a dough crust. Yummy. and nice countertops and stove. and wine.
Bah! I suppose I'll have to make a pie now too... Making the pies was my job during the holidays when I was growing up and thanks to my mother, I'm pretty good at it. Don't tell Cher though! SHHHHHH!
RCS
Your pie looks soooooo much better than mine. It's sad, in a way. It's the foil, isn't it.
Wow, Dave, that looks really good. I didn't get any pie for thanksgiving either. Maybe that was what was missing with this holiday.
Save me a piece!
You will make somebody a good wife. If you do windows.
Dave, i understand how you feel about not getting any pumpkin pie, it is my favorite. I could of ate some but I wanted just plain ol' cool whip not the flavored stuff that was available. Maybe I will come over and eat some of your pie!
Wow, I notice the investors aren't exactly snapping up opportunities to market my pie. Spinning Girl's broken-crusted pies! With whipped cream straight from her own finger!
You're better than me my friend. I just take a frozen pie, pop it in a Longaberger pie plate, pop it in the oven and pass it off like I made it myself. I even sprinke a egg white and sugar on top for pizzazz.
Wonderfully entertaining post!!
Now the thing I've found about pie is this ... (and with your vocal talents, I know you can do a bang up job with this)
You can't fully appreciate pie until you can say it just like Cartman from South Park. Try it. You'll see what I mean. Makes all the difference in the world... especially if you whine really loudly while saying it.
Post a Comment