Tuesday, August 23, 2005

Irony, Duplicity, Hypocrisy, Cheese cake*


I want to invent a new product... a fan called "The Ironic Breeze." Turn it on, and people within the fan's reach know the difference between irony and... not irony. Coincidence, double entendre, things like that.

A little "twist" to my fan would be that it also removes stray particles of iron from the air.

Now, would that twist be considered ironic, coincidence or double entendre? Turn on the fan and instantly you know.

I wish I had invented The Ironic Breeze prior to Alanis Morrissette writing her song "Ironic."

____________________


Speaking of irony... the word abbreviation is a 5 syllable word.

Why don't name abbreviations or nicknames make sense? How is it that someone named John can be nicknamed Jack? Usually nicknames are meant to shorten or simplify. Shouldn't John be shortened to Jo or something?

Why is it that someone named Margaret gets the shortened nickname Peg? PEG? Wouldn't it be Marge? Then, as if Peg weren't good enough, somebody comes along and gives Peg the longer nickname Peggy. I don't get this.

Another baffling one is Heidi. It's short for Adeleine. HUH? Shouldn't it be short for something like Heidasalami?

Henry is shortened to Hank... not even close. Polly is a nickname for Mary, and Dody for Theadore. (??)

Then you have the borderline cases, near-offenders of the "sounds like" rule, when William is shortened to Bill... and Robert to Bob. They are at least CLOSE, so I'll let them slide.

All of this I say... just prior to announcing that my nickname is Mookie. But at least that's not short for David.

____________________


Hypocrisy.

"Religious broadcaster Pat Robertson called on Monday for the assassination of Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez, calling him a “terrific danger” to the United
States."
Are you a pro-lifer, Pat? If so, get with the goddamn program. Pro-life means anti-death penalty and anti-ASSASSINATION.

It's ironic that pro-life people are some of the first to be pro-death penalty and pro-assassination.

Wait, is that ironic or moronic? Dammit, I can never tell.




*There is nothing in this piece about cheese cake.

13 comments:

Chris Cope said...

I have never understood the James to Jim conversion. People used to shorten James to Jas, which makes sense, but I don't know how to pronounce that. Like "chase?"

Chris Johnson said...

Mookie is kinda cute, but where did you get that for a nickname. My nickname works good, it is of course short for Chris(tina).

Have A nice day Dave!

Kerouaced said...

I believe that is moronic, Dave. Such hypocrisy and they can't even see it or rather they don't want to see it...

Spinning Girl said...

I've always had trouble with "Betsy" from Elizabeth. That's pushin' it.

Raehan said...

I like the ironic breeze idea.

It is NOT ironic that I bought an ionic breeze for a lot of money and I think it is useless. No magic pill for allergies. Oh well. Allergy season is over.

I have ALWAYS wondered the same thing about nick-names but now I'm wondering why we don't have as much fun with nick-names and they used to. I mean, Hank is a good nick-name for Henry whether it makes sense of not.

Lee Ann said...

Hey Mookie,
I like your fan idea. Nicknames, yeah, I have never understood some of them. My brother-in-law's name is Jack, but that is his real name. Heidasalami....I thought that was the name of some game! *blushing*
My dad's name is Robert, but he goes by Bob and even Bo!
Oh, I know someone that is nicknamed Pookie, but they hate that!

Betsy said...

I am a Betsy from Elizabeth and I don't get it, either!

I've tried to cash checks made out to Betsy alongside checks made to Elizabeth & had bank tellers want to know where "Elizabeth" was or why I hadn't brought "Betsy" with me, so I'm not the only one who's confused...

Lightning Bug's Butt said...

I've wondered about those names myself, Dave. Maybe you can help me with this one: Rich -----> "Dick"

WTF?

Weary Hag said...

In response to LBB - in all fairness, I have known a few Richard's who were plainly dicks. I guess that doesn't really count though.

Back to you Mookie...(given that your name is Dave, be happy they don't call you dookie)

The hispanics have it right this time. When they want to nickname someone, they just add a "ito" or "ita" at the end of the person's real name... Juan becomes Juanito... Sarah becomes Sarita.

While you're inventing your fan, could you also invent a Platonic Breeze? This would have saved me lots of aggravation back in the days ... guy comes over, just flip a switch and he gets the message loud and clear.

Don't worry about leaving out the cheese cake. It's just a fatty filler anyhow. Your posts don't need cheese cake, Dave.

OldHorsetailSnake said...

What was Christine Jorgensen before he became a she?

Angie said...

I think you just overloaded my brain. I am still under the stress of 1 daughter in college this week, 1 in 2nd grade and my OB appointment for this pregnancy.

Rob Seifert said...

Yes Dave, the Ironic Breeze is a fine idea. However I have two questions.

#1 Will it take the wrinkles out of the air?

#2 How would you know?

RCS

lilly05 said...

It's not all bad Mookie or was it Dookie? My nick name is Cher a truly shortened version of Cheryl! Ironic Breeze hmmmm, sounds expensive! ;)