I want to invent a new product... a fan called "The Ironic Breeze." Turn it on, and people within the fan's reach know the difference between irony and... not irony. Coincidence, double entendre, things like that.
A little "twist" to my fan would be that it also removes stray particles of iron from the air.
Now, would that twist be considered ironic, coincidence or double entendre? Turn on the fan and instantly you know.
I wish I had invented The Ironic Breeze prior to Alanis Morrissette writing her song "Ironic."
Speaking of irony... the word abbreviation is a 5 syllable word.
Why don't name abbreviations or nicknames make sense? How is it that someone named John can be nicknamed Jack? Usually nicknames are meant to shorten or simplify. Shouldn't John be shortened to Jo or something?
Why is it that someone named Margaret gets the shortened nickname Peg? PEG? Wouldn't it be Marge? Then, as if Peg weren't good enough, somebody comes along and gives Peg the longer nickname Peggy. I don't get this.
Another baffling one is Heidi. It's short for Adeleine. HUH? Shouldn't it be short for something like Heidasalami?
Henry is shortened to Hank... not even close. Polly is a nickname for Mary, and Dody for Theadore. (??)
Then you have the borderline cases, near-offenders of the "sounds like" rule, when William is shortened to Bill... and Robert to Bob. They are at least CLOSE, so I'll let them slide.
All of this I say... just prior to announcing that my nickname is Mookie. But at least that's not short for David.
"Religious broadcaster Pat Robertson called on Monday for the assassination of Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez, calling him a “terrific danger” to the UnitedAre you a pro-lifer, Pat? If so, get with the goddamn program. Pro-life means anti-death penalty and anti-ASSASSINATION.
It's ironic that pro-life people are some of the first to be pro-death penalty and pro-assassination.
Wait, is that ironic or moronic? Dammit, I can never tell.
*There is nothing in this piece about cheese cake.