Goodbye old label, ye have served us well

The new Bud Light bottle has spurred a debate these days. Many are already missing the old-school metallic silver and red labels that, for decades, have adorned the world's most popular brew. You know, the ones that hardly ever peel correctly without error. Sure, they're easy to get started, but then the gummy under-layer won't release smoothly, leaving a sticky white partial label, which can only speak to the integrity of the paper used.

So by now you know, for me it's not the design, style or logo. But how it peels.

I will tell you, peeling the new label is a far more bewildering task. Although it always comes off in one piece (haven't torn one yet) getting it started is a real challenge. You'll be tempted to cheat and use the twist-off top or a pocket knife -- don't insult me. Any label-peeling purist knows better. The persevering drinker will use legal methods such as a fingernail... or when nobody's looking, a tooth. (legal, but you look goofy as hell) Be diligent, the patient peeler will be rewarded for their assiduousness. You'll eventually snag a corner, and it's all downhill from there.

At this point, we must consider the possible uses for the freshly peeled label. Years ago, I would have been satisfied with USE NUMBER ONE... to stack them to the side in hopes that the old "sex coupon" line might work with an unwitting female passer-by.

Hmm, wonder why that never worked...

Well, anyway. Another favorite application, USE NUMBER TWO, for the peeled document is to invert it. This serves two purposes. One, you always know which beer is yours. Two, (and far more fun) it makes the bartender or waitress at least consider the possibility that the bottle actually came from the brewery that way, a victim of some freak assembly line capsizing accident.

My friend Gary always flips his label. I never asked him why.