Thursday, February 02, 2006

It's Woodchuck Day!!!

Yes. Groundhogs and woodchucks are the same thing. Which leads to the question, how much ground would a groundhog hog if a groundhog could hog ground?


According to collegeboredom.com, there are eight ways to kill a groundhog:


8 - High precision sniper rifle.

7 - Feed piquant mustard to his shadow.

6 - 2 cups soy sauce, 1 tablespoon of sugar, and a grenade.

5 - Make him try to solve a Rubiks Cube. (I've done this, the groundhog explodes)

4 - Make a bet with him that he can't drink two gallons of milk in five minutes. (groundhogs are suckers for wagering)

3 - 1994 White Ford Bronco. (self explanatory)

2 - Make him watch Groundhog Day starring Bill Murray over and over again. (again, he explodes)

1 - Hire this guy.

10 comments:

Chris Cope said...

Groundhog wings are delicious.

Heidi said...

White bronco...hehe. I think a hog would hog just enough hog if a hog could hog a hog.

paula said...

Sick, sick, man. Killing the poor little groundhog.....Whatever, Whatever, I do what I want, I do what I want! Just had to throw that in!

Bob2837465 said...

dude, that groundhog would totally kick your ass!

i'm just sayin'...

(nice 'cartman' there paula - because really, there's no wrong time to say that!!!)

awaterpixie said...

LOL... love the woodchuck! How've you been doll?

::smooches::
Mara

Lightning Bug's Butt said...

Richard Gere has his own way of killing groundhogs.

Suffocation.

gary said...

If it takes a one arm roofer, three days to shingle a 1200 sq ft house, How many pancakes does it take to cover a 3' x 4' dog house???

StringMan said...

Hey, I thought it was hamsters with Gere. You mean he had groundhogs up there, too?

By the way, you could also get Carl Spackler from Caddy Shack to kill that groundhog. I know, Carl never did kill the gopher. But groundhogs are fatter and much more stupid.

Spinning Girl said...

Groundhogs suck.

Weary Hag said...

I once had a woodchuck eat my telephone line back in the days of trailer-trashdom.
The phone company had to come out five times in two months, and that's no exaggeration.

I finally went out and got a have-a-heart trap and stuck it beneath the house with a carrot and apple inside.

Three guesses what I trapped ... first two don't count.

That's right Dave, a SKUNK. Ever try to get an ANGRY skunk out of a trap?

Thank you. You've given me something to blog about. Now to actually get it done.