Thursday, February 02, 2006

It's Woodchuck Day!!!

Yes. Groundhogs and woodchucks are the same thing. Which leads to the question, how much ground would a groundhog hog if a groundhog could hog ground?

According to, there are eight ways to kill a groundhog:

8 - High precision sniper rifle.

7 - Feed piquant mustard to his shadow.

6 - 2 cups soy sauce, 1 tablespoon of sugar, and a grenade.

5 - Make him try to solve a Rubiks Cube. (I've done this, the groundhog explodes)

4 - Make a bet with him that he can't drink two gallons of milk in five minutes. (groundhogs are suckers for wagering)

3 - 1994 White Ford Bronco. (self explanatory)

2 - Make him watch Groundhog Day starring Bill Murray over and over again. (again, he explodes)

1 - Hire this guy.


Chris Cope said...

Groundhog wings are delicious.

Heidi said...

White bronco...hehe. I think a hog would hog just enough hog if a hog could hog a hog.

paula said...

Sick, sick, man. Killing the poor little groundhog.....Whatever, Whatever, I do what I want, I do what I want! Just had to throw that in!

Bob2837465 said...

dude, that groundhog would totally kick your ass!

i'm just sayin'...

(nice 'cartman' there paula - because really, there's no wrong time to say that!!!)

awaterpixie said...

LOL... love the woodchuck! How've you been doll?


Lightning Bug's Butt said...

Richard Gere has his own way of killing groundhogs.


gary said...

If it takes a one arm roofer, three days to shingle a 1200 sq ft house, How many pancakes does it take to cover a 3' x 4' dog house???

StringMan said...

Hey, I thought it was hamsters with Gere. You mean he had groundhogs up there, too?

By the way, you could also get Carl Spackler from Caddy Shack to kill that groundhog. I know, Carl never did kill the gopher. But groundhogs are fatter and much more stupid.

Spinning Girl said...

Groundhogs suck.

Weary Hag said...

I once had a woodchuck eat my telephone line back in the days of trailer-trashdom.
The phone company had to come out five times in two months, and that's no exaggeration.

I finally went out and got a have-a-heart trap and stuck it beneath the house with a carrot and apple inside.

Three guesses what I trapped ... first two don't count.

That's right Dave, a SKUNK. Ever try to get an ANGRY skunk out of a trap?

Thank you. You've given me something to blog about. Now to actually get it done.