Monday, February 27, 2006

Brain Bouillabaisse

I had a thought last night. No offense to my Catholic friends, but I want to sneak into a church sometime right before communion and replace the "body of Christ" wafers with Chili Cheese Fritos. The "Blood of Christ" could be Red Bull and vodka. Or for the pretentious among us, you can leave it wine.

Mmmm. All you'd need is a big screen and a spring training baseball game.


I want to start paying for Blogger. I truly do. I am tired of the outtages, the failed posts, the picture upload errors, the comment issues. I want it to become a pay service. Maybe 5 bucks a month.

First, the herd will be thinned. Those who are serious about blogging will stay, those who aren't will go. It will stop most of these commercial blogs that clog the system. Second, when you pay for something, there is an expectation of a certain level of service. Right now, we can't hold Blogger accountable in any way. I want steady, reliable servers that aren't overloaded. Is that too much to ask?

In exchange, I'd like for ice cream to be free. I'd trade free Blogger for free Rocky Road any day.


Difference between a corn husker with epilepsy and a hooker with diahrrea: one shucks between fits.


Hey State of Missouri:


You are stupid. Your Department of Motor Vehicles offices do not take Mastercard/Visa. You don't indicate such until a person gets through the line and TO THE DESK. Which then forces that person to go get cash... and then stand in line a second time.

Oh. In the lobby of the DMV, there is a soda machine and candy vending machines. Those machines certainly help toward keeping Missouri ranked high on the list of states with the fattest asses, but do you think you stupid bastards could check your priorities and maybe replace those machines with one F#%KING ATM machine??

I mean, damn.


Dennis Weaver, Darren McGavin and Don Knotts. RIP. Freaky, this whole "rule of threes."


Amandarama said...

I always thought it'd be a good idea to replace communion wafers with Pringles. But, I'm an atheist, so what do I know?

Spinning Girl said...

State Dept.'s of all kinds, including the Dept. of Education, where shaped, fired, and glazed in the very kilns of Hell.

Also, I think things don't happen in threes. We count them in threes.

prodgodq said...


The DMV in Ohio is no better.

It's staffed by bitter, angry women who take an obscene pleasure in making people do things that they don't want to do.

phoenix said...

My county in Georgia must be one of the rare ones. They smile, are helpful and if you forget something - they will let you back to the front of the line.

Make the ice cream Ben & Jerrys Cherry Garcia please ;-)

BTW - the joke? TMI first thing in the morning lmao

Unacknowledged Genius said...

Standing in line at the DVM for hours with the unwashed, sweaty masses and lecherous stares, the inadequate room ventilation and the rude employees, is it any wonder driver's license photos always turn out like mug shots.

Mishka said...

I think the DMV is hell in whatever state you go to...

Nichole said...

Im so glad Im spoiled rotten and NEVER have to go to the DMV. *grin*

OldHorsetailSnake said...

It's odd, but I never think of St. Louis being in Missouri. St. Louis always strikes me as "uptown, cosmopolitan," while Missouri strikes me as "backward." Based upon your experience, I guess Missouri is.

Lightning Bug's Butt said...

Seriously, write your state legislators about the DMV. But first, get a letter-to-the-editor published about the DMV, then send your legislators a copy. THAT makes them pay attention!

Lightning Bug's Butt said...

Good idea about the Cheetos.

Jess Riley said...

You can buy unblessed hosts at a store near here. They make great snacks on the go. If you like cardboard Mentos, that is.

Heidi said...

Ah the they still make you go there at your age? Too bad you aren;t in Cali for sushi!

Lee Ann said...

Well, I am not Catholic, but I am Episcopalian. I think that would be awesome to change the wafers into fritos. And as far as the Blood of Christ, I like the wine, you know we (the Priest and congregation) all drink from the same chalis.(I thought in the Catholic church, the Priest is the only one that drinks from the chalis).
Good idea about thinning out the commercial bloggers.
Yes, I vote for an ATMs at DMVs.

StringMan said...

Yes, just what we need, Dave: Catholic priests on Red Bull and Vodka. Alert AND uninhibited. Oh, and a Boy Scout jamboree nearby would be the icing on the cake.

Fantastagirl said...

Yes DMV's should take VISA/DEBIT Cards,

Changing the 'blood of christ' into vodka and red bull may just make the mass bearable.

Weary Hag said...

I like your idea of the Communion change-up. I thought it was the coolest thing in the world when I started going to an Lutheran church and found they gave out little chunks of Italian bread instead of that cardboard melt-a-way. It actually got me hooked on that religion for about 20 days.

DMV = punishment for owning a car

The Doggy Did It said...

For some reason I am always the last person to comment on your posts, so lets see if I can kill this one too...:)

I think it would be hysterical to replace the wafers with fritos, and then sit in the front row and watch everyones face as they walk away...your expecting that bland, weird, Melty, stick to the roof of your mouth thing, and you end up with a shock to the system.

Someone would prolly choke, or have a damn heart attack and fucken ruin it though!


CP said...

All three dead peoples first names start with the letter "D".

That makes 3 D's. That is DDD. That is my bra size.

Are my tits in danger, Dave? Will I have to give them up for lent?


Sunny Delight said...

i love the way your mind works :)

kristy said...

Thinning the Blogger herd. Yes, an idea whose time has come. I hear ya, brother.