Monday, January 23, 2006

Vehicular BS

Vehicle licensing is the infected boil on the ass of automobile ownership.

It's time to license my truck. First, I should point out that it's well PAST time to license my truck, that deadline passed in October. Yes, I know what you are thinking. Totally screw you.

I have, through a series of (mostly failed) attempts, managed to acquire copies of my paid personal property receipts for the past two years. I've also dug through boxes, still unpacked from the move last August (again, I know what you are thinking... and again, totally screw you), and found my license renewal form.

Now, I need to dig through my glove box and fish out my proof of insurance forms... which are likely buried beneath the ketchup packets, ice scraper, Taco Bell napkins, pens, post-it notes containing unknown people's phone numbers, half-packs of gum, straws, mints, phone charger cables, condoms, CDs, chapsticks, deposit receipts, withdrawal receipts, change, hair brush, golf tees, flash light, business cards and year-old fortune cookies.

By this time, there's still no light at the end of the tunnel. I now have to wait in line at the emissions testing facility to make sure my (practically new) truck is within the state standards for a clean exhaust. Oh, sure - that rusted-ass 1969 El Camino that just passed me with black smoke pouring out from under the hood is FINE, but my truck... oooh, better double check it. By the time I'm finished, I'd sooner wrap my lips around the exhaust pipe and drift off into a carbon monoxide-induced dirt nap, than do one more goddamn thing toward getting my new plates.

But, nooooo. I still have to get a state vehicle inspection... where they put my (again, practically new) truck up on the rack to see if it is "safe." Guess what... that fucking El Camino with the black smoke, bad tires and no bumpers has new plates on it! I'm guessing my ride is fine.

Only after doing all of these things, will I be allowed to go to the DMV and stand in line for hours so I can get a little green 2006 sticker... which gives me the right to drive on Missouri's shitty, pot-hole filled, disrepaired goddamn roads.


Pandora said...

LOL, at least you didn't get a ticket for an expired tag - like I did last year. Then you get to gather everything up and take it to the state as well as to court!

~The Goofy Ass Chick said...

Where I live they FINALLY did away with the emmisions testing as of December 31st. BUT, my birthday was December 15th. Did I still participate and get my vehicle tested and renew my tags you ask? Not so much. I drove into a car dealership on January 2nd and purchased a new car so I wouldn't have to. Even though I have a higher car payment, I still feel a bit of excitement in that I beat the system! Screw Ohio BMV too!!!

Spinning Girl said...

Motor Vehicle Department is just code for Portal To Hell.

Ditto State Dept. of Education.

Ditto WalMart.

Ditto IRS Voicemail.

Mishka said...

I do not envy you.

We got lucky with our new truck. Because it was a factory order, we were given its "birth certificate" and if you have the bc when you go in, they will let you register the car for 4 years instead of just for 2...I guess they assume that in four years it should still be passing emissions without a test. Yeah!!!!

Lee Ann said...

I tried several times yesterday to leave a comment, but something was screwed up!
Ketchup and condoms in the glove box, eh?
You should tell them they can suck your exhaust...that is highway robbery!!!

Wish we would have found that fortune cookie earlier!

Lightning Bug's Butt said...

Great post, great point.

And just think: many people want government running our healthcare system, too.

Stay healty, man.

Dr. Mike said...

Did you say you had a '69 El Camino for sale?