1 - I want a microwave oven invented that, when you flip the wall plug upside down, cools food. Hey Amana, work it out.
2 - Coffee comes in a tin can for one reason - when it's empty, Grandma has a place to put her bacon grease.
3 - My pool guy told me the other day that for the chemical balance of a pool, it's actually a good idea to pee in it now and then. I quickly learned that, for the neighbor's sake, it's best to actually get INTO the pool when you're peeing... or wait until nightfall.
4 - I have discovered that when your package touches cold water, it causes "shrinkage." However, the converse act of squatting in a bowl of boiling water does NOT cause "growage." Only "burnage."
5 - When someone wags their finger at you, it doesn't always mean you've done wrong, sometimes it just indicates a particularly sticky booger.
6 - With aggressive therapy, the appeal of Malaysia and her seductive quicksand, biting flies and flesh mites can be little more than a distant yearn that beckons mostly late at night.
7 - Stopping a fan blade with your tongue tastes pretty dusty.
8 - Charades is a game best played with the unblind.
9 - Amish barn raisings and buggy lacquer festivals can get zany when the bonnets start coming off.
10 - Tomato soup is good, as long as you don't think about how it's made.
This was a repost from earlier this year because, well, I got nothin' at the moment.