1 - I want a microwave oven invented that, when you flip the wall plug upside down, cools food. Hey Amana, work it out.
2 - Coffee comes in a tin can for one reason - when it's empty, Grandma has a place to put her bacon grease.
3 - My pool guy told me the other day that for the chemical balance of a pool, it's actually a good idea to pee in it now and then. I quickly learned that, for the neighbor's sake, it's best to actually get INTO the pool when you're peeing... or wait until nightfall.
4 - I have discovered that when your package touches cold water, it causes "shrinkage." However, the converse act of squatting in a bowl of boiling water does NOT cause "growage." Only "burnage."
5 - When someone wags their finger at you, it doesn't always mean you've done wrong, sometimes it just indicates a particularly sticky booger.
6 - With aggressive therapy, the appeal of Malaysia and her seductive quicksand, biting flies and flesh mites can be little more than a distant yearn that beckons mostly late at night.
7 - Stopping a fan blade with your tongue tastes pretty dusty.
8 - Charades is a game best played with the unblind.
9 - Amish barn raisings and buggy lacquer festivals can get zany when the bonnets start coming off.
10 - Tomato soup is good, as long as you don't think about how it's made.
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This was a repost from earlier this year because, well, I got nothin' at the moment.
7 comments:
OUCH...you found out the hard way(no pun intended)...boiling water is not a fertilizer!
"growage" and "burnage" 2 very useful new words. you're a gem.
Actually, unless you have a raging UTI, urine is sterile.
The word "booger" is possibly the most unsexy word in the universe, and your use of it drops you a few pegs, but your sexy avatar sort of makes up for it. Let's just say you broke even.
Bacon grease! The modern woman knows, of course, that bacon grease goes in the trash, along with 3 layers of greasy, soaked, paper towels.
Thank you.
SG
ps. Tacky to repost old material.
11. Ever notice how whe
Dave, I'm still laughing about your 'cinnamon ring' story that was 2 posts ago! Lemme catch up with you, man!
... and yes, you must GET IN the pool to fix the pH!
Thanks for stopping by, Dave. Thought I would reciprocate. However, it is going to cost you. Your divorce letter (yes, I am God and I know you didn't write it) officially made me short circuit my keyboard when I splooged Dr. Pepper all over it. (Regular, not diet). Therefore the cost of a new keyboard, plus shipping and handling will be in your email box shortly.
Btw...that flipside microwave oven thing? I have been pondering that for decades. I say we make it happen. I like your idea about the flip cord. Mine was to have a negative sign on the minutes...so that instead of cooking for one minute it would cook for negative one minute and would cool instead of heat.
Now that it is written out in black and white, it is a really stupid idea...
Let's go with the cord thingy.
CP.
Glad you reposted this gem for this first-time visitor. The pool: when my sister first got her pool, she told us that if you peed in the water it would turn red (because of 'special' chemicals).
As soon as I came out of her pool, I went up to her and said "It isn't true. I have proof." She didn't look at it as a good thing.
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