Monday, January 02, 2006

A new year, sans dignity and self respect

As you may have read below, I've made a resolution to make no more resolutions. Ever.

In that spirit, I now list some things I plan to not do in 2006. Anti-resolutions.


1 - Play Canasta with my feet.

2 - Tongue bathe a badger.

3 - Make love to Bea Arthur. (would be a similar experience to #2)

4 - Cook anything for myself that will give me crippling gas.

5 - Lunch with Scott Baio in Saskatoon.

6 - Upgrade my subscription of Penthouse to the braille version.

7 - Consume rancid, boiled patty sausage with chopsticks.

8 - Quiet, thoughtful embroidery with Christopher Cross.

9 - Shampoo a Backstreet Boy.

10 - Watch Fear Factor.



PS - Speaking of badgers, go watch this.

11 comments:

lilly05 said...

Hey Dave, if you cave on #2 will you PLEASE take plenty of pictures??

Kim said...

Were you smoking badger when you wrote this?

Trinette said...

Badger, badger, badger, badger...mushroom, mushroom...

Spinning Girl said...

You know, I know someone who had crippling gas, and it was not. pretty.

ohhh! snaaaaaaaaaaaake! snaaaaaaaaaaaake!!!

Mishka said...

I think #4 could be possible even if you didn't know it....beware.

Lee Ann said...

I would have to agree with your list. I hope to not do any of those things either. Fear factor is not too bad, until they start eating stuff. I have literally gagged and had to change the channel...I just can't watch that either.

Weary Hag said...

You know, I think this is the second time you got me with that badger flick. Dang you, Dave!

Well now that I feel like I had a mental workout - let me just say that I love you list (always have, always will) and it feels grrrreat to be back at blogging after a long hiatus.

Happiest of New Year wishes for you Dave ... all the best to you for the coming year!

Anonymous Shannon said...

What? You don't want to shampoo a Backstreet Boy? How about the guys from New Kids on the Block! Loved your post!

OldHorsetailSnake said...

You see that great Horsetail Snake in the Badger video? Hoo boy.

Lightning Bug's Butt said...

A fine lot!

Chevy said...

i would do ANYTHING to embroider with christopher cross. sailing....