I realize it isn't phosphorous that makes a Lightning Bug's Butt glow, but it worked for the title, so shut up.
Anyway, it's been a while since I laughed so hard. Click this link and read about Bug's Butt's* view on multiple-gear bicycles.
I remember getting a three-speed when I was 7, and thinking I was The Shit until freakin' Kenny Noland got a 10 speed, so I kicked his ass on the playground. That's when I learned that all of the ass-kicking in the world isn't going to get you more gears.
Today, I have an 18 or 20-sumpin' gear and only use the first 5.
Still, SCREW YOU Kenny Noland.
* Lightning Bug's Butt is one of my very favorite daily reads, so stop by and bookmark him. He's what my friend Steve Mays calls TFTTJ, "Too Funny For Their Job." He needs to write full-time.