Saturday, December 03, 2005

A smattering

After a fairly late night, I'm nursing a headache, drinking coffee, enjoying the fireplace and watching Dora the Explorer. I'm also thinking.

  • You know how people bitch about slow drivers in the fast lane? I've never heard a slow driver complain about fast drivers in the slow lane, and I wonder why. Are these people more level or balanced or something?

  • When sports commentators talk to one another, in order to fit both of their big heads onto the screen they have to get really close to each other. Their faces almost touch sometimes. I find it distracting and I don't like it.

  • How do you ever really trust that the person at that restaurant table before you didn't replace the salt with quartz and feldspar?

  • I fear electronics have taken the place of at least three of life's simple pleasures. Talking, holding hands and dry humping on the ottoman. Whoops, hang on I just got a text message. God that was sexy.

  • Australia is a really long distance from here. I fear that will impact my plans to go there for the afternoon.

  • I wonder how long it would take me to be interviewed on network news if I became the yard darts partner of television's Nipsey Russell.

  • Dave is to journalistic integrity, as Men Without Hats is to Mozart.

  • Stepped out the car, Levi's saggin', gold around my neck with my limb-walk laggin', walked up on my boys with the old E chillin', the box with the big beats and my boys started illin'. Yo.

That's all I got.

6 comments:

Weary Hag said...

Hey sorry about that text message, it's not my usual style - just an impulse.

I'm going to completely ignore that last item just cause all those little apostrophe's made me a tiny bit nauseous.

You know what bothers me even more than the quartz and feldspar thing at restaurants? (which I do think of all the time, by the way) I hate to sit in a chair that still feels warm from former patron-ass. There's just something very yuck about that.

Great Saturday post!

Lee Ann said...

Dave,
Hope your headache is better. I have one too, but I doubt mine is from the same thing yours is. I think I am trying to get sick...wah wah wah.. Ok,'nuff of that.
You are so cute, I love all of those thoughts. The one that got me really giggling was: "When sports commentators talk to one another, in order to fit both of their big heads onto the screen they have to get really close to each other. Their faces almost touch sometimes. I find it distracting and I don't like it."

lilly05 said...

Yo G Wazup? I used to work the clean up crew shift at Micky D's a couple of nights a week when I was in high school. After we finished our tasks we would often be found at Dennys. Where we the evil little shits would loosen all the salt shaker caps and take the caps off the catsup bottles and leave them upside down on the table. I think that all the karmic backlash is why I've had such a lousy year in the luck department! Laf Great post as always Dave.

Rob Seifert said...

Ah feldspar! Would that I could stroll down a beach of feldspar backed by cliffs of quartz on my way to eat dinner! I think the whole drive 5mph below the speed limit in the fast lane thing is a conspiracy. I think there must be a group out there that is actually using this as a tactic to keep Americans safe. Me, I'm gonna kick up some sand on a feldspar beach and forget about it!

RCS

Lightning Bug's Butt said...

Man, I love stuff like this. You're musings master, Dave.

Anonymous said...

Ever wonder just how old that ketchup is in the bottom of the ketchup bottle at those restaurants? The wait staff fills it up each night with new ketchup.