Thursday, December 22, 2005

Colleen Nestler's 14 minutes of fame

I used to be the ultimate Letterman geek. When his show followed Carson's in the 1980s, I would tape him every night and save the best moments on a compilation video tape. I thought I was a freak.

Since then, Margaret Ray has broken into his home on a serial basis, stolen his car, and claimed she was his wife. She then killed herself by kneeling in front of an oncoming train.

A couple of other unremarkable stalkers have given him trouble since, and we all remember the house painter in Montana who plotted to kidnap his infant son.

But now comes Colleen Nestler, of Santa Fe, New Mexico. This week, she secured a restraining order against Letterman, claiming he uses code words to send her messages, and wants to marry her and train her to be his co-host. She claims he proposed to her on television, in code, saying "Marry me, Oprah."

In the order, she has requested that he, who lives in Connecticut and tapes his show in New York, stay at least three yards away and not "think of me, and release me from his mental harassment and hammering."

Well, I've seen THIS type of thing before and let me just say...

Bravo, Colleen! Stand up for yourself. This abuse is the worst kind, mental. It gets into your brain and makes you question your own sanity. Stand your ground and show the world that you're not another stalker, (although on the surface it could look a little dicey) you're a victim.

And David, as my Grandpa used to say, "when you've done wrong, admit it." (he also used to roll down the car window and "moo" at cattle, but I digress) Point is, leave this poor woman alone. She needs to be freed from your mental games. Nobody deserves to be proposed to in code on national television, do it right, take the girl to dinner or something. Put the ring in her pudding. Make it memorable and dignified, for chrissakes!

And stop calling her Oprah!

I'm tired of big stars like Letterman walking all over poor, defenseless little people... using them as pawns to bring themselves this sort of publicity. You got your news story out of it, Dave... but do you realize what it's doing to her?? She's now getting attention she never wanted, is living a life of torturous hell with her heart split in two... and has to deal with movie producers who will, undoubtedly, want to pay her millions to put this irksome drama on television.

What a sad, disappointing saga this has become. Letterman should be ashamed. And the judge who granted the restraining order in this clear-cut case of harassment should be exalted. Good job, your honor. You're showing the world that the system WORKS.

And that was really hard to say with a straight face.


Dave Morris lives in a suburb of St. Louis with his dog, cat and a couple of sheep. He's been known to have "night sweats" and get things wrong.


Ari said...

I used to love Letterman too. Things from that show in the 80's still stick in my head.

In fact, every Christmas when I hear "Winter Wonderland" I still remember the fake ad where you could put your child's name in a song... "in the meadow we can build a snowman DAVE and pretend that he's a circus clown DAVE" :)

Do you suppose that all longtime TV show hosts have such stalkers, or that Dave's just made an effort to publicize his more?

Lightning Bug's Butt said...

The judge granted the order? I don't get that!

You know, I discovered DL back in 1984. We had a Betamax. I used to tape Late Night religiously and watch him after school the next day.

Ah, memories.

Kerouaced said...

Ha ha that was good. I read about this woman. I can't believe the judge granted this restraining order...

Spinning Girl said...

Wow, what a great idea! Maybe I can slap one of those on Tom Cruise for jumping on Oprah's couch and proclaiming his misguided love for me all over the airwaves.

I'm beginning to suspect that somehow, Oprah is channeling all this bad chi. Get thee behind me, Witch.

Lightning Bug's Butt said...

You've got 4 tivos?

babyjewels said...

Yeah. Dave gets slapped with a restraining order and Wacko goes free. The end of the world is near.

Lee Ann said...

That is some wild stuff. See my little stalker could have been much much worse!

Amandarama said...

Well, at least this dingbat isn't wandering around with a gun and a copy of Catcher in the Rye in her back pocket. Yet.

Wenchy said...

Hey... just wanted to say Merry Christmas & all that good stuff.

lilly05 said...

Thanks Dave this makes me feel much better about the taxes I pay. What a GREAT system we have here in the states! Go psycho stalker chick!

phoenix said...

Merry Christmas Dave!! Hugssssssss :)

Dr. Mike said...

So basically what I read between your story lines is that, "You secretly envy my sheep."

Dave, do I need to get a restraint?!