Colleen Nestler's 14 minutes of fame

I used to be the ultimate Letterman geek. When his show followed Carson's in the 1980s, I would tape him every night and save the best moments on a compilation video tape. I thought I was a freak.

Since then, Margaret Ray has broken into his home on a serial basis, stolen his car, and claimed she was his wife. She then killed herself by kneeling in front of an oncoming train.

A couple of other unremarkable stalkers have given him trouble since, and we all remember the house painter in Montana who plotted to kidnap his infant son.

But now comes Colleen Nestler, of Santa Fe, New Mexico. This week, she secured a restraining order against Letterman, claiming he uses code words to send her messages, and wants to marry her and train her to be his co-host. She claims he proposed to her on television, in code, saying "Marry me, Oprah."

In the order, she has requested that he, who lives in Connecticut and tapes his show in New York, stay at least three yards away and not "think of me, and release me from his mental harassment and hammering."

Well, I've seen THIS type of thing before and let me just say...

Bravo, Colleen! Stand up for yourself. This abuse is the worst kind, mental. It gets into your brain and makes you question your own sanity. Stand your ground and show the world that you're not another stalker, (although on the surface it could look a little dicey) you're a victim.

And David, as my Grandpa used to say, "when you've done wrong, admit it." (he also used to roll down the car window and "moo" at cattle, but I digress) Point is, leave this poor woman alone. She needs to be freed from your mental games. Nobody deserves to be proposed to in code on national television, do it right, take the girl to dinner or something. Put the ring in her pudding. Make it memorable and dignified, for chrissakes!

And stop calling her Oprah!

I'm tired of big stars like Letterman walking all over poor, defenseless little people... using them as pawns to bring themselves this sort of publicity. You got your news story out of it, Dave... but do you realize what it's doing to her?? She's now getting attention she never wanted, is living a life of torturous hell with her heart split in two... and has to deal with movie producers who will, undoubtedly, want to pay her millions to put this irksome drama on television.

What a sad, disappointing saga this has become. Letterman should be ashamed. And the judge who granted the restraining order in this clear-cut case of harassment should be exalted. Good job, your honor. You're showing the world that the system WORKS.

And that was really hard to say with a straight face.

-30-

Dave Morris lives in a suburb of St. Louis with his dog, cat and a couple of sheep. He's been known to have "night sweats" and get things wrong.