Tuesday, July 19, 2005

So little time...

Here are ten more items in a continuing list of goals I have yet to accomplish. So refill your coffee cup and wallow with me in my regret.

I've never...

32 – Looked to the sky on a cloudless night and confused the star Betelgeuse with a graphical interpretation of the mating habits of marsupials.

33 – Cracked corn and not cared.

34 – Birthed a fully grown dachshund and named him Jim.

35 – Passed gas as a direct result of a blow to the abdomen administered by a Jesuit fashion footwear designer in Swaziland. Or Laos.

36 – Shrilly crooned an Eagles song in a bathtub full of fudge.

37 – Pounded sand.

38 – Roller skated in a buffalo herd (but I’ve been happy when I had a mind to)

39 – Embellished a story about corrupt Guadeloupean customs agents to a large, sweating angina sufferer while stuffing sausage, and I don't mean metaphorically.

40 – Flirted with a world record for number of shellfish inserted rectally into a cheetah.

41 – Given or received an equine vaccination while humming Welsh folk music through a walkie talkie.

42 - (bonus item) Tripped the light fantastic with Sylvio, a rotund bedouin gunslinger with chronic ass chafing.


Weary Hag said...

I did #36 but the tub was filled with rose petals instead of fudge, does that count?
I'm so sorry you never had the opportunity to do these things, and I totally understand your regret. But just imagine how I feel ... I've never done the Hokey Pokey, so there's no chance I'll EVER know what it's all about.

Angie said...

Some of the things on this list I wouldn't do either :-s

OldHorsetailSnake said...

I hope that was not a slur on Welsh music or Chris Cope will be all over you like a tall dog.

Kerouaced said...

Thanks for the laughs. I needed that!

Rob Seifert said...

Occassionally, and I do mean occassionally, whatever powers that govern the universe keep us from doing things our goofy little minds want with all of their passion to do. I suspect this is just to keep us wanting. Stay focused young traveler, you may yet get it done.


Lee Ann said...

You should definitely try the fudge thing:)

Raehan said...

So you've birthed a half-grown daschund then? Named....Tom or something?