Wednesday, July 20, 2005

Panties, Porn and Popular Music

What is it with the people at Victoria's Secret?

Sure, they have quality products, but not better than other clothing stores. Sure, it's sexy stuff, but there are plenty of places you can get that. Sure, there is a mystique about it, but why? Because it's a "secret??" Any lingerie department will get the juices flowing.

So what makes VS think they can CHARGE MONEY for their catalogues? And what is it about Americans that make us gladly pay and feel okay about it? The pretention is so thick, you can cut it with an underwire.

I'm not naive, I know a lot of men collect the catalogues for... um... the articles. But whence comes the gall to charge us for the ability to order their product? That IS the function of a catalogue. Assuming the board of directors at VS are women, they must wear GIGANTIC bloomers to cover the HUGE balls it takes to conduct their business in this manner.

And what does society do? Celebrate the Victoria's Secret concept by watching their television specials and buying their product in ever-growing quantities. Jeezus, folks. If you want that kind of television, build a porn collection like mine. If you want those kinds of products, go buy 'em from a company that doesn't charge you for the "privilege" of perusing their products.

I would never... EVER pay for a VS catalogue. Nor will I ever buy another product from a company with that kind of unmitigated gall.

Now back to an article I'm reading in the Frederick's catalogue...

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Borrowing a concept from my friend Chris Cope over at Dancing The Polka With Miss El Cajon...

Last night a friend and I were at a bar watching the baseball game, and on one of the screens they were displaying a music video channel. The mix of music was quite eclectic, and as the evening progressed I began writing down band names. I didn't make these up, I promise.

Dogs Die In Hot Cars
Modest Mouse
Nude-Fangled Fellators
Death Cab For Cutie
VHS or Beta

I should point out that none of these bands had an ounce of discernable talent, any of us could have stood shouting into a microphone and made an equally good impression. I suppose that's why they chose the strange names - to compensate.

We had a small band of guys in high school who played at half-time of basketball games. We called ourselves "The Sucky Band." And we were.

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Collin Farrell has a sex tape. And he is trying to keep it from being released to the public.

Is that a story line you find familiar? Good gravy, you famous freaks! If you don't want fans clamoring for video of your untanned, pimpled, humping ass thrusting high into the air as you "get your groove on" in a dark room... DON'T RECORD YOURSELF SCREWING.

And who really cares about Collin Farrell anyway? WILL Farrell in a porn video... now THAT would be funny.




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10 comments:

Kerouaced said...

They charge for Victoria's Secret catalogues now? What kind of idiot would pay for that crap when you can find perfectly good copies in your sexy neighbors trash can?

Amandarama said...

Well, at least the Victoria's Secret website is still free. As long as there is high speed internet, there should never be any need to pay money to, um, "read" "articles".

Lightning Bug's Butt said...

So true, Dave. The nerve of a company charging you money to SHOP!

I totally agree.

gary said...

"SEX"...What's That???

lilly05 said...

I'm not so sure I WANT to see Will Farrel's untanned pimply ass doing anything any more than I would enjoy Colin Farrel's, but I guess that's the price of fame? What the hell do I know about this perhaps Paris would like to comment? Yeah Vs has got some big balls, but that's what has made them the top bathroom read thus far. Go figure. Pretty funny stuff here!

Chris Cope said...

It's a bit like charging a cover at the mall, isn't it? Abercrombie & Fitch does the same thing with their catalogs.

In defense of Modest Mouse, I have their CD and actually think they are good. I'll be using their music for the soundtrack to my porn video.

Lee Ann said...

That is just not right to charge for a catalog. That is not right for those sucky bands to get airtime. That is not right to see Farrell in a porn video! Hahahah. I like visiting your blog:)

couchpotato said...

Can't believe people actually buy them. When there's such a load of free stuff around!

Will Farrell in a porn movie? That'd be disgustingly FUNNY! :lol:

Bottle Rocket Fire Alarm said...

I love Modest Mouse. Have for 5 years. Their most recent effort is weak, but The Moon & Antarctica from 200 was a masterpiece. Really. They have other great stuff before that. Give "Truckers Atlas," "Other People's Lives," and "The Stars Are Projectors" a shot. Not for everyone, but brilliant in my opnion.

Death Cab is an emo band that seems to be gaining popularity. I bought an album of theirs five yars ago and enjoyed it. The title alone was a great source of mirth for me for unknown reasons: "We Have The Facts and We're Voting Yes."

Dave Morris said...

Steve, crazy isn't it??? Hey, if you have a sexy neighbor, you don't really even need her "trash."

Amanda, you're right. Viva la web.

LBB, welcome back from vacation, we missed you.

Gary, you'll have to ask someone else. You think I'M getting it these days???

Lilly, Will is funny no matter what he's in.

Chris, great analogy. Going to the mall sucks bad enough as it is.

Lee Ann, I like yours as well. "The Castle" is a favorite of mine!

Couchy, it is puzzling, I have a look of consternation on my face right now.

BRFA, I think I might have actually enjoyed Modest Mouse's video. Perhaps I will download more of their stuff and give it a try. If you'll try some Steve Tyrell. ;-)