One night, a long time ago...

I'm having a really cool experience and felt like I should record it here.

It's the end of a crazy day, and I'm sitting in the living room. The house is dark, except for the light of my notebook computer. Above me are huge windows which provide a fucking amazing view of gathering storm clouds. Now and then in the distance, lightning flashes across the sky. A half-minute later, a low rumble of thunder and a slight gust of breeze.

It's surreal... and it takes me back.

It was a night in 1978. The light of the computer would have been the glow of the dial on a portable AM radio. The station I was listening to, The Mighty 1090 KAAY-Little Rock, was playing "Dreams" by Fleetwood Mac. I remember hearing the rain begin to hit my window and it felt like it was raining everywhere in the world. I felt this unexplainable combination of melancholy and elation.

It felt like the rain washed something away that night. Maybe my childhood, I don't know.

Tonight, my computer is providing the Fleetwood Mac... otherwise it feels eerily similar. I'm not sure what the rain is washing away this time.

What a trip.

And you are... ?

It's been so long I thought about shutting the blog down permanently. It's sort of like when you haven't talked to a friend for a long time, and you think, MAN, I need to get in touch with so-and-so, but I'm pretty embarrassed I haven't made contact in such a long time. So you just decide to not call them.

But I've decided I'm keeping it going for now. We've come this far together, we might as well stick it out.

Speaking of sticking it out... Regis was nearly ready to leave us about two weeks ago, but the vet decided we should give him half a treatment of chemo as a last-ditch effort, and WOW. His lymph nodes are completely normal, he's back to his old chipper self again and it looks like we'll have him around for at least a while longer. Thanks, Regis, for pulling through!

I gave in to temptation and bought a watch today. Actually I had some old jewelry lying around so I traded it in (and the jeweler gave me an almost 50 percent discount off the price) on a new Seiko Velatura, kenetic energy watch. Self-winding, it's actually a rechargable battery-powered watch that has a little generator inside that recharges it when you move your wrist.

Great timepiece, it's my second favorite to the Breitling, and it brings my collection to 13.

Timing is everything

On the way to the NYEPBWHNLPYC, the New Year's Eve Party for Boring "We Have No Life" Parents of Young Children, (for which, ironically, everyone ended up getting a sitter) we came as near to hitting a deer as I ever have. (aside from an incident one night when I was in a bar with Blitzen and he was firing hard on this married doe.)

We were driving on a dark, two-lane country highway (MO-79 north of 70, for you locals) and were about to meet an oncoming car, when a 12-point buck lept from the right side of the road, passed within 5-10 feet of our bumper and collided with the left-front side of the oncoming car exactly at the moment we were passing. (at this point, I was braking hard and hitting the shoulder)
There was a sickening noise, a cross between a thump and a crack, and the deer flew off the side of the other car, spinning wildly through the air, missing the left-rear of our van by inches before making a landing in the center of our lane right behind the van, just in time to be run completely over by the pickup behind us. I can imagine the damage was extensive to both of the other vehicles, while ours was left untouched.

Had we left the house one second earlier, we'd have hit the deer with the front of the van. One second later and the deer would have slammed into the side of our van.

We were in a perfect one-second window of safety. I can only imagine it's because I have a tremendously keen sense of timing. Ask anyone. Dave time is different than the rest of the world.

Incidentally, the next morning we were headed to the store and a two-car accident happened about 15 feet behind our van as we were passing. What the... ?

Aiden Bo Baiden

The list of "most popular baby names" came out for 2008, and the boy names seem a little monotonous to me:

1. Aiden


2. Jayden


3. Ethan


4. Jacob


5. Caden


6. Jackson


7. Noah


8. Jack


9. Logan


10. Matthew

Aiden, Jayden and Caden? What about Baden, Faiden, Laden and Maiden? Ethan is my favorite on that list, but I might be a little biased, since I have a new nephew by that name.

For the girls, the most popular names were:

1. Emma


2. Sophia


3. Madison


4. Isabella


5. Olivia


6. Ava


7. Madeline


8. Addison


9. Hailey


10. Lily

Where's Emily, Jennifer and Susan ferchrissake? How could those just fall out of vogue?

I'm a rebel, I'm more likely to look at the list of popular names and choose something completely different.

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Big shopping day! Although this is one of the worst holiday shopping seasons in recent history, I have a feeling it isn't over. I might head out and see what kind of bargains are available today... which is being billed Black Friday, The Sequel.

I hope your Christmas was as great as mine was!

A lighter shade of Violet

On a road trip recently, I asked Violet the ultimate survival question: If you were forced to live off the land and could carry with you only what could fit in a one-square-foot backpack, what would you put in it?
Trying to be serious, my answers: A length of rope. A bag of salt. Two really sharp knives. Several spear tips. A piece of canvas.

Her answers: an iPod that could perpetually charge itself. A bottomless bottle of water. A magic lighter that would never run out of fuel.

So I changed my answer. I'd carry keys to the condo I had hidden out in the woods with a hot tub, satellite and internet.

We like to have those real chats.

He said nipple

So what do you think a baby bottle nipple would look like after three or four thousand spins in a garbage disposal?

As I fed leftovers into the disposal today, I heard a lot of excess noise. I asked Em if she knew what that might be... she said she noticed the noise earlier in the day but didn't know what was causing it. I grabbed a flashlight and this is what I found:


Actual photo of the nipple after the garbage disposal. Are these made out of flubber? Not a nick on it.

Watermelon natural viagra?

Let me get this straight. (Wink, nudge) Watermelon appears to contain an amino acid that dilates the blood vessels, an effect similar to Viagra.

According to the story, it's not clear how much you have to eat in order to achieve the desired erect... er, effect.

Let the jokes begin. I'll start: this gives new meaning to "melon balls."

Your turn.

Filthy Simians

During our trips to Mexico, and now at Ada & Angie's pool parties, we've enjoyed a drink called the "Dirty Monkey," and it's very difficult to find the recipe online. Therefore at this time I will both share it with you, and save it for my own future reference, with the help of my high quality blog.

I introduce to you, the Dirty Monkey:

Fill a blender almost to the top with ice. Add:

1 1/2 bananas
3 shots of Creme de Banana
3 shots of Creme de Cacao
1/2 cup of half and half
10 shots (yes, 10 shots) of vodka (don't waste expensive stuff on this - use Gilbey's or something)
About 6 seconds squeeze of chocolate syrup

Blend for about 30 seconds or until all ice is emulsified. Here's the important part - adjust to taste.

Viola! Now drinky-drink, while it's cold.

Newgrill isn't a city in Jamaica

Last weekend my friend Mike Cornett and I picked up my Father's Day present, the first new grill I've had in seven years.


Halogen-lighted fire box, LED lights on the instrument panel, and an oven... roughly 100,000 BTUs. Now that'll cook a steak. Well, er... veggies, I mean. (trying to watch my diet)

I needed Mike's truck, (and his back) since the grill weighs 425 pounds. It takes up a huge section of the deck - good thing we're getting a patio.

I shit my drawers

But not routinely - usually I have to have an impetus.

Last night it was a strong downpour, which suddenly filled the sump pit in our basement to within 8 or 10 inches of the top. The pump was running, but wasn't actually working. I fooled around with it and finally got it to start working, but stayed up until the rain stopped, to prevent a complete disaster.

Within the past month, four neighbors' basements have flooded because of the recent heavy rains. In all of those events their sump pumps gave out, leaving the water little recourse.

This subdivision is about four years old - so I'm going to assume the average life expectancy of a sump pump is four years. I called our family plumber last night and he is bringing a big, beefy sump pump and installing it today.

Call it a preemptive move.

April Tool

That's me. This morning I texted several friends and told them we were at the hospital having the baby. So far it's been my most successful April fool joke ever...

I'm such a bastard. I know paybacks will be severe and swift. It's up to me to be hyper-vigilant.

Archaeological find

Em and I cleaned out and reorganized our kitchen today, and found these:



What the hell are they? Anyone know? They were at a level in the drawer that dates them back to around 1999 or 2000. I'm betting on Blogarita or Fantastagirl, but whoever answers first wins them. Good luck.

The War

As I wind up the weekend, I am sitting down to watch another installment of The War on PBS. After watching the first 2-hour segment, I just sat in the dark for a while, thinking.

This is an amazing documentary which focuses on the people, the heroes, of WWII... those Tom Brokaw called the "greatest generation." I am positive I wouldn't be here today without the sacrifices made by these people.

There aren't enough Veterans or Memorial Days.

Tonight I'm watching segment two. The whole experience is very moving.

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My daughter made a rare appearance at the house this weekend. She came to town Friday night and left this evening. It was a nice visit. She definitely has some issues in her life, and continues to struggle to get a handle on them. I'm doing all I can, but at this point, she will have to decide when she is ready to make some changes.

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We went to the Botanical Gardens today, and although I had to leave early, it was a great day to get outside. I had to sweat out some of the wine consumed at the Oktoberfest celebration in Hermann, MO, yesterday.

One of the many blessings of fatherhood is having a nine-month designated driver.

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My friend Mike and I are talking about playing hookie Thursday and doing something outside. The hot weather is supposed to break Tuesday, and it will finally feel like autumn. I think August lasted three months.

One 35-year-old guy died and hundreds of people had to be treated for heat-related illnesses today in Chicago during a marathon. Heat-related illnesses in October??? Where are we, Death Valley?

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Kramer the cat is staring at me, wondering when I'm going to hit the 'play' button on the Tivo. He is really into The War, too. Talk to you guys this week. I will start blogging more often. I mean it this time.

Momentum

Life is all about momentum.

I'd need a doctor to confirm or deny it, but cataclysmic medical issues aside (such as cancer or heart attack) you die when you lose your momentum.

My grandmother worked in a restaurant, lugging plates of food and platters of drinks until about a year before she died. She decided it was time to "retire," so she quit. The problem is, she didn't have anything else to DO after that... so she sat in her house watching television and eating the same thing... day after day... until she died.

And all it took was a year.

Pray the day never comes when you hear Mom say "I think I'll skip my walk today." Or from Dad, "I'm too tired to go to the strip joint."

You must keep moving forward. To slow down too much is to stop. And we all know what stopping means.

I'm writing this down... so in 40 years, I won't forget.

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As we prepare for the baby's arrival, Emily and I are each working on our individual preparation projects. She is shopping for outfits, diapers, wall decorations for the nursery...

I went shopping for this.
It's a high definition hard-drive camcorder. If we're having a baby, we need to record as much of him or her as possible. I don't have a lot of video of Courtney when she was little. Sure we rented a camcorder for the big events, but we have very little footage of her everyday cuteness. That will change with little "Earl" or "Earlene." (only temporary names, don't worry)

As you've probably gathered, electronic gadgets are my weakness. I sit around all day playing with this thing. I've videoed the dog and cat, Emily lying in bed with morning sickness, a Mexican guy fixing the telephone lines behind our house, even us watching a baseball game... at home in our living room. WTF?

I think I'll tape myself taking out the trash later.

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Nothing is spookier (besides maybe Hannibal Lector or Rosie O'Donnell without makeup) (or Rosie O'Donnell with makeup) than finding out somebody else is living their life... as you.

I found out a guy in Indianapolis is working and living under my exact name and social security number. I received a letter from the IRS saying I hadn't claimed some income from 2005, because I failed to report my W2 from a brick and shale company based in Tennessee.

When the smoke cleared, I learned (through local law enforcement and the feds) that an illegal immigrant has been using my name and SS# for three years, in order to work and live in the US. I can't imagine where he got my info, but I'm hoping by now he's been arrested and his ass is sitting on a bus back to Mexico.

This immigration thing MUST be fixed. This is the second time in seven years that my identity has been stolen.

Now I just need to find a way to convince Master Card that it was that Mexican guy who fraudulently charged a new camcorder to my account.

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I'm in the middle of a complete redesign of my website, planning a wedding, planning for the arrival of a child, organizing my office and recording studio, getting the odds and ends of my life cleaned up... as you can see, I have a few things on my plate. Sorry I haven't posted in a while, and when I finally did, it wasn't that interesting.

PS - I just noticed that Google now lets you add video directly to your blog posts. Sweet! I have some great footage of me clipping my toenails in HD.

Dang! - a weekend update

I didn't get my office painted over the weekend, my back was too sore. I'm thinking about heading to the doctor, I might have a slipped disc or cancer or something.

A bunch of friends went to see Bourne Ultimatum yesterday... totally great flick. Lots of action, really intense story line... the only thing I can even remotely complain about is the camera work. It's the shaky stuff. You know, like the camera operator is trying to follow the action and send a text message at the same time.

It looks like there will be more sequels after "Ultimatum," the ending was wide-open. I'm glad Ada lent us the first two movies. After seeing the third one, I'm like a fat kid in a donut shop.

Not sure what that means.

We went with two other couples. I can't remember ever attending a movie with a group of people - it's always been me and one other person. It was fun, although Dr. Mike kept flipping me off and throwing popcorn. Paula, please control your subject.

So all-in-all, I'm glad I didn't paint my office. Dave procrastinates again, what a shock!

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Sixty mile per hour winds woke me up at midnight last night. OK, actually the dog (who was freaked-the-hell-out) woke me up, but you get the picture.

I love storms. There's just something exciting about watching the lightning across the sky and feeling the ground shudder when thunder booms. And hearing the sump pump kick on. And resetting all the clocks. And picking up limbs.

OK, so storms suck.

I was hoping to see some of the meteor shower last night, but was unable because of clouds. Did you get a look from your location???

Memememememeeeee!

Borrowed from Blogarita, I've decided to complete a meme. Why? I got nothin' else.

Elaborate on your avatar.

Um, it's a picture. Of me.

What’s your current relationship status?

I cohabitate with a most lovely person, Violet. She loves me in spite of my many faults.

Ever have a near-death experience?

I've been married THREE times. So, of course I have.

What’s the name of the song that’s stuck in your head right now?

How did you know a song was stuck in my head? Eleanor Rigby. Got no idea why.

Name a celebrity you would marry.

As I've stated, I think I've been married plenty, thanks. I suppose the question really means what celebrity would you bed down. None. Okay, maybe Lisa Kudrow because she reminds me of Emily. (how's THAT for a PC answer??)

Who will cut and paste this meme first?

Maybe Dr. Mike because he wants to be just like me in every way. No wait, he never blogs anymore. Eh, prolly nobody. And I don't mean Nobody, I mean nobody.

Has anyone ever said you look like a celebrity?

Yeah, somebody once said I vaguely resemble John Travolta. Someone else said Tim Robbins, which I can actually see (sans the blue eyes and advanced grey hair)

Do you wear a watch? What kind?

Funny you should ask. I am a watch collector. I know blogarita says they are obsolete, but I've always worn one. If I forget to put one on before I leave the house, I've actually been known to stop and buy one.

Anyway, I have about 10 watches, a couple of them pocket watches. Most of them are Citizen watches, one is a Seiko, and one is a collector's item Breitling, which is one of only 1000 like it in the world. How can you say watches are obsolete??? ;)

Edit: one of my favorite things to do with watches was from Robert Fulghum in one of his many books: remove all hands except the second hand. You never really know what time it is... you just know that it never stops moving and you should be making the best of it.

Do you have anything pierced?

Not intentionally.

Do you have any tattoos?

Not intentionally. There was that branding iron incident one night at the Yellow Rose country bar.

Do you like pain?

There are certain types of pain that are somewhat (strangely) appealing, such as the "pain" of a deep tissue massage. I am not a masochist, but I understand. (much the same way I'm not a murderer, but if you caught your spouse in bed with someone and killed that person, I understand) (Wow, that was pretty tangential)

Do you like to shop?

Oddly enough, I don't mind it. I can spend 10 hours in Sam's, Home Depot or Williams Sonoma. (I love kitchen stuff)

What was the last thing you paid for with cash?

Um. Beer.

What was the last thing you paid for with your credit card?

I'm always putting meals on my American Express card, which isn't really a credit card since you pay it off every month. I am in card-payoff-mode, so I'm not charging much these days.

Who was the last person you spoke to on the phone?

Dr. Mike. I'm pretty sure it was one of our "usual" conversations, during which we do one of the following: make fun of somebody, discuss our next big scheme to make money, or figure out who's bringing the beer we'll drink on his patio.

What is on your desktop background?

On this computer, starfish under water. I have seven computers though... which is another story altogether. (I have a thing about buying computers - I have three laptops. Whenever a new model comes out, I have to have it. I admit it is a sickness) Violet has two computers, a laptop and a desktop. That makes NINE computers in the house. I got all KINDS of backgrounds!

What is the background on your cell phone?

Whatever it was when I bought it.

What was the last movie you watched?

Night at the Museum. Violet and I both gave it about 3 out of 5 stars. Kid flick. Plus, any movie where Dick Van Dyke plays a villain... automatically gets bumped down a star.

What was the last book you read?

Strangely enough, the last book I FINISHED was E=MC2 - A Biography of the World's Most Famous Equation. Before that, it was Sagan's Shadows of Forgotten Ancestors. Yep, I'm a geek reader.

You can feel free to propogate this meme to your own blog if you wish, or pick one of them to answer via comment here. I hope that by reading mine, you have more of an insight into what makes me tick. But prolly not.

"I don't want to be like him."

That's the excuse that Dr. Foreman is using for leaving his job at the hospital on House, M. D. Dr. House is too negative, skeptical and brash for him.

I can understand that. I used to be that kind of negative, skeptical person. Probably, there are friends who drifted away from me because of it. In some ways and at some times, I still have a little of that person in me... I've been through a lot in life. However, I make no excuses. I allowed myself to become that way.

But now I am making an effort to grow. I try to smile more, I try to be less skeptical, show my happiness more, and generally be more positive. And now it's me who is making an effort to get away from that negativity, skepticism and grizzle.

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As I'm writing this in the living room of a quiet house, after Emily has gone to bed, and with iTunes playing in the background, I realized... do songs get any more soulful or real than Easy by The Commodores? That piano, those lyrics, Richie's voice. Man, I love music.

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Saturday night is "date night" for Emily and me. We'll probably have sushi or a salad and wine, then head to the theater to see Shrek III. I've read the less-than-positive reviews, but I can't imagine it will be TOO bad. I'm really looking forward to it... mostly to be in a dark theater holding hands with my honey.

It's been a really good week, actually. Just the right amount of work, a few nights of socializing with great friends, and a topper of a weekend with perfect weather.

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Em's cell phone bill came in today. Over 400 bucks, and much of it was texting fees related to voting for American Idol!

She changed her package a couple of months ago, not realizing that the new one doesn't include texting fees. I know it's not funny to get a bill 4 times higher than you expect, but I had to laugh a little.

Being a chick with a hot voice, she was able to call and smooth talk the Cingular guy into splitting the diff with her. She said she didn't realize the new package excluded texting. He cut the bill by a pretty significant amount.

So now I'm thinking of doing that with this month's DirecTV pay-per-view porn bill.

Fixation

As I review the search terms used to find my blog, I can't help but be proud - and a little embarrassed.

First, I should point out I've never put a picture of boobs anywhere on my blog... I've only LINKED to a couple of them. That in mind:

Fat boob
Talladega 07 boobs
Asian boobs
World's best boobs
Droopy boobs
Squishy boobs
Fat huge boobs
Boobs asian
Albert Pujols (I didn't even know he had boobs)
My girl's breasts 09
Do wacka do wacka do
Another one for Talladega boobs

Swear to God, I'm not lyin'. I don't understand how THAT many people could be searching for boobs in only a week.

And I wonder how much a plane ticket to Talladega would cost me.

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I'm finally getting my office/studio organized and working. Over the weekend, I converted everything to digital, and installed a new DAW. (digital audio workstation - a fancy term for "computer") It's outfitted with Windows Vista, and although I've heard some negative things about it, I have found it most user friendly and fairly functional. Lots of animation and graphic candy, while still running my audio software flawlessly. (for the most part)

I'm really tired now, because two nights of the past 3 I've been up until 3 or 4 in the morning. It's worth it, though - I shouldn't have to upgrade my studio again for at least 10 years... maybe more.

And by then, I will probably be retired and reclined on a beach chair somewhere.

With donkies flying out of my ass.

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Couple of things from Aly's World:

At three minutes and four seconds after 2 AM on the 6th of May this year, the time and date will be 02:03:04 05/06/07. This will never happen again.


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Moments in a Jar

Like fireflies collected
On a warm summer night,
I wish I could keep
Moments in a jar
And release them later
When it's a little too quiet.

Dave Morris, April 2007

Davey needs a new pair of shoes

Vi and I went shoe shopping tonight and maybe... I went a little overboard.

Most guys have four or maybe five pairs of shoes. I am sort of like a girl - I have about ten. Three pairs of various brown shoes, three pairs of black, two pairs of tennis shoes, two flip-flops, a couple of pairs of cowboy boots... okay, maybe I miscounted. Don't judge me.

First, I bought a pair of water shoes for the float trip this year. Last year I survived half the float trip with flip-flops, and then lost them in a rapid. And, by rapid, I mean drunken stupor. I had to finish the float with no shoes and that hurts like a whore. This year, I'll be prepared.

Next, I bought a pair of "house-shoes." They are intended to be worn with black socks and shorts, and they look especially good when you have holes in the socks. Honestly, these shoes can be worn for any occasion, or when kicking around the yard. Made by Adidas.

Then, the pièce de résistance: a new pair of K-Swiss casual running shoes. White, with white rubber bottoms and white trim. Basically, they are white. They are also really comfortable with that squishy shit in the insole. I haven't had shoes this sweet since last time I had shoes this sweet! Never heard of K-Swiss before tonight, but hey... I'm accustomed to being a trend setting trail blazer.

We're home now, watching South Park and wearing our shoes. A nice, soleful evening in Morrisville.

Monday night

Violet and I went for a nice walk in the park this evening, (and that was no walk in the park!) then cooked up some shish-kabobs on the grill. Shrimp, scallops, peppers, onions, mushrooms, pineapple and squash, along with a baked potato and glass of wine.


Now we're finishing the wine in front of the television watching some baseball. It feels like summer!

I am wearing socks because my toenail paint is chipping badly.

Yesterday we did some major tailgating outside Busch stadium prior to the Cardinals/Brewers game. Burgers and KOSHER weiners on the grill, along with beer and/or soda. Okay, really only beer... and don't ask me why Dr. Mike and Paula brought kosher weiners - none of us are even Hindu.