"I don't want to be like him."

That's the excuse that Dr. Foreman is using for leaving his job at the hospital on House, M. D. Dr. House is too negative, skeptical and brash for him.

I can understand that. I used to be that kind of negative, skeptical person. Probably, there are friends who drifted away from me because of it. In some ways and at some times, I still have a little of that person in me... I've been through a lot in life. However, I make no excuses. I allowed myself to become that way.

But now I am making an effort to grow. I try to smile more, I try to be less skeptical, show my happiness more, and generally be more positive. And now it's me who is making an effort to get away from that negativity, skepticism and grizzle.

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As I'm writing this in the living room of a quiet house, after Emily has gone to bed, and with iTunes playing in the background, I realized... do songs get any more soulful or real than Easy by The Commodores? That piano, those lyrics, Richie's voice. Man, I love music.

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Saturday night is "date night" for Emily and me. We'll probably have sushi or a salad and wine, then head to the theater to see Shrek III. I've read the less-than-positive reviews, but I can't imagine it will be TOO bad. I'm really looking forward to it... mostly to be in a dark theater holding hands with my honey.

It's been a really good week, actually. Just the right amount of work, a few nights of socializing with great friends, and a topper of a weekend with perfect weather.

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Em's cell phone bill came in today. Over 400 bucks, and much of it was texting fees related to voting for American Idol!

She changed her package a couple of months ago, not realizing that the new one doesn't include texting fees. I know it's not funny to get a bill 4 times higher than you expect, but I had to laugh a little.

Being a chick with a hot voice, she was able to call and smooth talk the Cingular guy into splitting the diff with her. She said she didn't realize the new package excluded texting. He cut the bill by a pretty significant amount.

So now I'm thinking of doing that with this month's DirecTV pay-per-view porn bill.

Quick note

I have had little time to blog lately, I'm really sorry. I will get back to the routine soon. But for now, I just wanted to pop on to say:

I have officially sworn off watching American Idol next year.

Sanjaya and Melinda this year, and Chicken Little, Daughtry and Taylor Hicks last year, have shown me that the show fails to produce results consistent with true level of talent.

I have a different "take on Blake" than many. I think he's very unique and has talent, but not more than Jordin, and certainly not more than Melinda. He has a gimmick... beat-boxing, which was HUGE in the 90's. He has charisma. He's a likeable guy, and I do. But he is not Idol Final material, just like Taylor Hicks last year. If the show is to preserve a modicum of reputation, Jordin must be crowned American Idol next week.

None of them will be lacking of busy work... Melinda is probably already signed to a recording contract, or at least entertaining several offers. Her rhythm/blues/soul talent will quickly eclipse anything else out there, and she'll be selling CDs like ice in the desert.

But the show is bunk.

And I want more pictures of McPhee.

My opinion on a few things. Trust me, you're dying to know.

Jeff Ruby has balls. He owns restaurants in Cincinnati, Belterra, Indiana and Louisville. So during the Kentucky Derby, another guy with HUGE balls, OJ Simpson, strolls into Ruby's restaurant in Louisville with a group of friends.

Ruby kicked Orenthal's ass out. Said he wasn't allowed in his restaurants because of his history, and what he put the Browns and Goldmans through.

So now, OJ's attorney is claiming it was racial. They're going after the guy's liquor license and trying to put him out of business.

I doubt it will happen, the guy will likely get HUGE support from everyone involved. I can't imagine he isn't completely flooded with positive email and phone calls. I'll bet he's gotten hundreds of interview requests.

Business is business. The guy did what he thought was right. He reserved the right to refuse service to anyone, and exercised that right.

So what did Yale Galanter, OJ's attorney, have to say about it? "He messed with the wrong man."

Sheesh, this attorney needs a publicist. You don't make a semi-threatening statement like that about someone like OJ. What an idiot.

Look, OJ... some free advice for you. When someone asks you to leave, just quietly leave. You got away with murder, my friend. You killed someone and walked. Count your blessings - and just quietly walk away.

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I just don't get the whole hullaballoo over the Queen's visit.

How much money have we spent on state dinners, ceremonies, parties and press conferences during her visit? Holy crap, I wish I could have 10 percent of it, I'd buy a nice little beach house and retire.

Government sure knows how to waste some goddamn money. Nothing against the Queen (she's a nice old lady) or England at all, I'm just sayin'...

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Look who's a bigot!

Shocking that Al Sharpton is back in the news, and this time he's on the receiving end of criticism for bigoted remarks he made during an interview about Mitt Romney.

Hey Al, sit down and shut up for a while. I think we're all kind of tired of hearing your voice.

Well, at least I am.

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So... it was LaKisha.


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Shake-up at HBO. Hey, this Albrecht guy has presided over a definite period of growth for what formerly was a "movie channel," and now has become the penultimate source for great television. Aside from House MD, American Idol, Boston Legal and a relatively few others... the best television is on HBO.

With only four more episodes of Sopranos, I must admit - I'm eager to see where they're going next. They do have a compelling lineup of new shows on the way, along with the ones I watch now, like Entourage, Real Time with Bill Maher, Curb Your Enthusiasm, Six Feet Under, etc.

It's hard to believe that in a month, The Sopranos will be toast. I hate the way I feel about that stupid show. It's violent, messy, ridiculous and it mocks me for loving it.

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My high school reunion is coming up in about a month. I'd like to at least seem like I've done something with my life for the past 25 years. Anyone have ideas for me?

I guess I could dress up like a "super agent cowboy astronaut millionaire" like Peter Griffin did at his high school reunion on Family Guy.

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Okay, the Sonata I took 30 minutes ago is now working. My head is spinny and sleepy, just like it's supposed to be. I was just now barely able to wolf down eighteen thin mints. I am nearly ready to report back to bed to finish my night's sleep. So WHY is it again that I can't sleep eight hours in a row lately?

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One more thing before I go, the Word-you-find-the-definition-for-here-but-use-later-and-sound-brilliant: Denouement. \day-noo-MAWN\, noun. It means the final resolution of the main complication of a literary or dramatic work.

Used in a sentence: "Denouement is a word I usedta didn't know but now I do because of Dave's incredible blog."

Always drink upstream from the herd.

Awwwww!

Bye now.

We had fun with his name though... the latest incarnation was San-gina.

BS, AI, ME & ED

As Violet and I prepare for a trip to Mexico, we're going through the process of getting our passports.

The last time I went south of the border, I didn't need no stinking passports... only my birth certificate and photo ID. Now, thanks to the new rules designed to make life less libert-eri-ous, (new word, just go with it) there are even more hoops to jump through. Isn't it enough that I have to remove my shoes in the airport???

Plus... I can't legally bring home Cuban cigars. That's not to say I don't bring them home, mind you. Just not with the blessing of my Uncle.

Passports cost around 90 dollars each... plus 60 more if you want it expedited! It's just another tax, disguised as "Homeland Security."

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Tonight is performance night on American Idol.

I wonder what the average age of the Idol viewers is... considering Mowgli (Sanjaya) advanced for yet another week, I guess it's, like, like, like um, like, 10.

At one time, Idol was a really cool show that found America's most talented singers and gave them exposure they couldn't get on their own. Many non-winners have even signed their own record deals and sold shit-loads (shits-load?) of CDs.

This year, the talent pool is a little drier... and the single-digit-aged viewers have taken over the voting. Countless numbers of friends (okay, 3, but still...) have stopped watching. If my house weren't the designated AI viewing location for our group of friends, I would be watching Discovery HD instead. (that Planet Earth series is heli-cool) (that term is sooo 2002)

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Another political moment here. First let me say I'm hard to pin down. If I must have a label, it's independent.

Oil prices are falling - they are now below 65 dollars a barrel, (I can't believe I just said that) yet our "leaders" continue to drag their feet on finding alternative energy solutions.

Hey, rich, complacent assholes in Washington, D. C.! (aka congress) Get off your asses and do something productive! Let's get nuclear and solar and lose our dependence on the backward, camel-screwing assholes in the middle east.

Sons of bitches.

Somewhat related: When the democrats drafted legislation calling for the beginning of a troop withdrawl in Iraq, I was elated. There is nothing left to accomplish over there, those MFs need to be allowed to figure it out on their own. No freedom is free...

But the democrats screwed up. (shocking!) They decided that simple legislation wasn't good enough, so they added 24 BILLION in pork-barrel spending that wasn't even related to the war.

Pork-barrelling is a common practice designed to entice legislators who wouldn't ordinarily support a bill to jump on board. It's done all the time in D.C., which is why it smells like bullshit.

Quick example of extra spending tied to the Iraq funding bill: $5 million for payments to "aquaculture operations and other persons in the U.S. engaged in the business of breeding, rearing, or transporting live fish" (such as shellfish, oysters and clams) to cover economic losses incurred as a result of an emergency order issued by the Animal and Plant Health Inspection Service on Oct. 24, 2006.

That's some grade-A crap.

Democrats aren't the only ones who do it, but never was there a more important time to send a clear message to the President that America is ready to call Iraq a victory (the cluster-fuck it was) and bring our people home.

And they blew it. The legislation they drafted has VETO written all over it.

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I think erectile dysfunction is similar to Alzheimer's. It's more difficult on the spouse than you.

Come on... by the time men experience it, sex is firmly behind golf and sleep on the priority list. Usually women are just entering their prime sexually.

I've experimented with the little blue pill, (what guy hasn't??) but I don't need it yet. Besides, I'm a "spur of the moment" guy. For me it would be hard to wait 30 minutes for it to kick in. What if a buddy calls with an invitation to golf... or I fall asleep?

Things I learned on vacation...

1 - Four people aged 17 to 55 in the same vehicle have as much chance of sharing the same musical taste as Heather Mills has of winning an ass-kicking contest.
2 - You cannot take a Motorola Razr swimming with you.
3 - Cingular sells a good, cheap replacement phone that I am now using until the Apple iPhone comes out.
4 - My girlfriend is a statuesque, blonde, beautiful woman who looks amazing in a swim suit. (already knew this, but lying by the pool and on the beach was a fun reminder)
5 - All of the Melting Pot's restaurants smell the same.
5b - Large amounts of melted cheese and good colon function do NOT go hand in hand.
6 - The 61 dollar entry fee and 10 dollar parking at Busch Gardens-Tampa is a high price to pay for what ultimately is an expensive induction of vomiting.
7 - The Florida oranges they sell at grocery stores here in St. Louis are fresher and prettier than the ones they sell at those roadside stands in Florida... and much cheaper. WTF?
8 - Dr. Mike and Paula are great dog sitters.
9 - Driving 30 hours for vacation is a crazy concept when Southwest has freakin' 90-minute flights for $199 round trip.
10 - Even people in Florida hate American Idol contestant Sanjaya Malakar and can't wait for him to lose.

Vacation is great, but it's so damn nice to be back in my own bed. This week is a bitch at work... you know how it is. You spend an entire week after vacation playing catch-up.

Plus my tan's almost gone already.

It's 3 am, I must be ... awake

"I was licking jelly off my boyfriend's penis, and all of a sudden... I'm thinking 'Oh my God, I'm turning into my mother!'" - Sarah Silverman

I'm watching her Showtime stand-up special and it's pretty funny, but I'd totally rather be punching my pillow into just the right shape and then drooling on it... or drinking insane amounts of Captain and Cokes... because those are the types of things you do at 3 am.

Three of the last five nights have been the same. I wake up at 3, usually from a really weird dream. I lay there in the dark, listening to the train pass about 2 miles away and wonder how the people who buy a condo right by the tracks (an entire complex is currently being built) will ever sleep. That goddamn train goes through three times between 1 and 5 am.

Then I think about how I feel right now, checking for pain anywhere in my body - and if I find a few pains, wonder what they mean. I am a borderline hypochondriac. Yes, there MUST be something wrong if I have symptoms.

By now I'm comletely awake, so I open my laptop and start worrying.

WebMD is the satan of the online experience. It makes a hypochondriac like me completely ape-shit. (click) Lupus. (click) Lymphoma. I start reading, and suddenly I'm having every symptom that points to Lymphoma. The power of suggestion is strong with hypochondriacs. So I start reading about survival rates, thinking about what to do with my life insurance payout, who I should trust to distribute it... shit, I wonder if I can get some of it before I die. I have a million in life insurance coverage - I could do some major vacationing before I kick it.

This thought pattern starts a panic attack. My stomach hurts and I start sweating a little. OMG, both 'stomach ache' and 'sweating' are on the symptoms page! (click) (click) (click) click) Soon, I am also dying of a brain tumor, with a side of gout.

Screw you, WebMD. I feel like Al Pacino in Insomnia.

The Ambien is starting to work. I'm now seeing double, my eyelids are drooping and I'm now slouched over my machine. Don't get me wrong, I'm still convinced I have some disease, but soon I will be able to sleep on it.

Oh great, here comes another train.

EDIT: in the light of morning, I realized I had rambled on and on about disease as if I really thought I have something. I do not, of course. Those kinds of things tend to sneak in your mind when it's 3 am and you're sleep deprived and sitting in a quiet living room, just you, a lamp and your laptop. So Mom, I know you're reading this - I'm fine!
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One more thing before I drift back to sleep - apparently American Idol's Antonella Barba, the one I thought would be voted out in the first week, might be pushed out in another way.

I believe she can get expelled by this sort of picture, and there are others to see here. I'd look for some sort of shake-up this week. At least it will be interesting. Thanks to Steve Mays, who pointed me to the pics.