I don't understand Viagra commercials. They feature guys making romantic dinners for their women, dressing up in the tuxedo from their wedding, sitting in a hot bath overlooking the ocean, etc. Look, you just took a boner pill. Strike while the iron's hot.
Why is it people grind meat into hamburger, then mix stuff into it to make it stick together again?
It's called a steak. Try it sometime.
The news media spent a week talking up the latest Bigfoot sighting, only to find out it was a hoax. A hoax? Who could have predicted that? I've seen him a bunch of times eating beef jerky on TV.
Fill a rubber gorilla suit with road kill, put it in a freezer and Katie Couric shows up. Which is why I get my news from Comedy Central.
Also in the news lately, a baby whale in Australia strayed away from its mother and was being tracked by marine biologists in boats. The whale had been attacked by sharks, hadn't eaten in days and wasn't coping well.
So they put it down. Veterinarians decided it couldn't survive on its own.
But couldn't the whale have just been left alone so we could all imagine it found its mother and lived happily ever after so we wouldn't be crying uncontrollably on our keyboards while our ice cream melts and the computer's low battery light blinks urgently in the night?