But this is a weight-loss contest. I must say I'm completely prepared... considering I am a fat bastard that could exist totally on undigestible materials.*Last night was weigh-in and measurement time, and today was Day One. My diet today?
Breakfast - I cut a fart and ate it. Then I choked down a spider web and chased it with a shotglass of diet tonic water. (which was actually vodka but why does Emily have to know?)
Lunch - Marmoset jerkey and a soup of toenails 'n barley.
Dinner - Considering the stock market freefall today, I had to fight the urge to eat an entire skillet of Hamburger Helper, which is great depression food. Instead, I had rubber bands in (low sodium) teriyaki sauce. (and much more "tonic")
Dessert - distilled water. (Gilbey's brand)
Day one wasn't so bad. I'm feeling a little weak.
*I wonder why nobody's thought of the idea. Eat nothing but marbles for twelve weeks. You get a full feeling while subsisting on the ugly brown fat.
3 comments:
You are nuts!
toenails in barley?
barf.
i've been on similar diets by the way. and i GAINED.
think it was the rubber bands.
until you've eaten horseshoe clippings and toad spew soup sprinkled with dried scabs off a leper, i dont think you've REALLY dined. by the way, if you eat this, you will 4 SURE lose weight, i GUAREN-DAMN-TEE-IT!
you dont even have to excersize. yep, the bacteria alone will eat you from the inside out in no time.
now i think i will go puke......
Wish I was in your area today, I would stop by for dinner!
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