Thursday, April 13, 2006

I pulled the cork out of a hole in my head and all this stuff came pouring out

Arbitrary thoughts:

The term organic food is kind of funny. Almost all food is organic, except maybe Velveeta. I know they mean organically GROWN food, but even that's kind of humorous, if you think about it. If food grows, it's organically grown. I think they should just be honest and call it "more expensive food."

How did sushi and Thai food become restaurant partners? I went to a place last night that served both. Isn't Thai closer to Chinese? Isn't sushi Japanese? China and Japan aren't that chummy. So, I've decided to open a cafe that serves Amish and Cuban food. "Welcome to Jedidiah Garcia's house of Black Beans 'n Butter, with buggy and raft parking in the back. Can I take your order?"

Chauncy is a weird name. Even if it's just a nickname, who wants to be referred to by a word that makes you sound obese, or sauce-like?

Why do birds suddenly appear anytime you are near? Just like me, they long to be, hovering over people and shitting on them and passing avian flu to unwary victims.

How did that Susie bitch corner the market on sea shell sales on the seashore? Aren't there licenses and documentation she hasn't filled out? Does she have her green card? Isn't it kind of hard to SELL sea shells when they're abundantly available just by looking down? She must be showing her boobs to customers - now that would be worth paying for.

Bucky is a weird name. Even if it's just a nickname, who wants to be referred to by a word that makes you sound like a beaver, or hoosier-like?

The word "sandals" is very similar to "scandals." The difference is, people who are involved in scandals usually aren't afraid to wear socks during.

Why is the day Jesus was hung on the cross called "good" Friday? Isn't crucifixion inherently not-good? I propose that from now on, we refer to it as Wow Jesus Got Hung On The Cross And That's A Huge Downer Friday.

Meanwhile, today is I'm Having A Pretty Good Day And There's Nothing You Can Do To Stop Me Thursday. See you around, home slices.

11 comments:

Mishka said...

Thai food is NOTHING like Chinese food...not even remotely close...but I agree putting sushi and Thai food in the same restaurant is weird...maybe they are a married couple and each wants to have food from their culture.

OldHorsetailSnake said...

Well, see, it was good for the rest of us. Piss on that other guy.

Blogarita said...

Chauncy?

My cousin's son is named Chance, whom they call Chancey. But, since they are of the redneck persuasion, it always comes out as "chaincy".


Oh, and did you ever see/hear that joke Mr. Schulz used to tell in English class about Easter? He'd spread his arms out to the sides, hang his head and sigh, "Easter again". That was sooooo wrong!

Unacknowledged Genius said...

put the cork back in, you're scaring me.

honestly, shame of you, blasphemer!

;)

Anonymous said...

Absolutely Delightful!! Thank you!! I needed that today!!
- Mary of dear-adri.blogspot.com

~The Goofy Ass Chick said...

Everyday when I walk back to my car after work I have to walk through a whole side walk full of bird shit. My co-workers and I always complain about it. Tonight, I think I may surprise them and sing your new version of the Carpenter's classic. :-) Thanks Dave!

that girl that keeps calling said...

I really hate to remind you of your confusion regarding socks with sandals. Typically, the type of person who would wear socks with sandals is WAY too oblivious to pull off anything close to a scandal...

Weary Hag said...

I wonder if there's "organic" Thai or Sushi food? You're right ... it's another ploy to get us to overspend.

Chauncy. The only way a guy could pull that off is if he lives in London and works as a bank president. There is no other way.

In light of the new avian flu, I must ask myself why we still fill our bird feeders out back.

Everything's relative. I wouldn't pay a nickel to see Susie's boobs. No, really.

Bucky - the only way a guy could pull off a name like that is ... um ... well there ISN'T any way.

Wait. If a guy wears sandals with socks AND gets involved in a scandal ... then MAYBE he could be named Bucky.

I think it was dubbed Good Friday because everybody back then knew that in two days, he'd come out of his tomb, see his shadow and give everyone little chocolate eggs.

I hope your Friday, Saturday and Sunday are as wonderful as your Thursday was!

Amandarama said...

How did sushi and Thai food become restaurant partners?

And, even more inexplicably, end up being Korean owned?

There are some mysteries that are just going to have to remain unsolved.

Lightning Bug's Butt said...

A FINE collection of musings.

StringMan said...

That chick who sells the seashells has always bothered me, too. I think you're right about the boobs. Reminds me: I've been hearing people talk about this chick Pandora and her box - it must be really impressive. Who is this chick? Anyone got a photo out there? A phone number? I'd like to see it.