And now on the health beat...

At age 44, I'm more in-tune with health studies, stories and issues than ever. I'd like to live to at least age 200, and knowledge will be my catalyst. (and scotch, but that's another story) Here are a few news stories that have floated to the top lately:

They will soon be able to use nanoparticles to direct chemicals to cancerous tumors.

"Cancer researchers have been trying to figure out a way to better deliver drugs, such as those used in chemotherapy, to cancer cells without blasting surrounding cells as well. Last week, scientists at Stanford University in Palo Alto, Calif., devised a way to use single-walled carbon nanotubes as targeted medicinal delivery vehicles."

This is an exciting development. I predict that in only a matter of ten to twenty years, as data and research capabilities increase exponentially, we will have cures for many or most diseases - including aging.

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Is that red plastic foreign material in your Hot Pocket or are you just happy to see me?

"Nestle Prepared Foods Company is recalling about 215,660 pounds of frozen stuffed pepperoni pizza sandwich products, known as Hot Pockets Pepperoni Pizza, because the product might contain small pieces of hard red plastic and other foreign material, which pose a risk of serious injury to consumers."

Part of my health regimen has always been to avoid Hot Pockets at all costs.

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Is there a fairly simple surgical procedure that can cure diabetes? One doctor thinks so, but he's met with skepticism from his peers.

"In one experiment, he rerouted the upper part of the small intestine of animals that were diabetic (but not obese) so that food did not enter that part of the gut. Sure enough, those rats were cured of diabetes. Next, he compared gastric bypass in obese rats with a "draconian diet" to see whether the operation's effect on diabetes was solely linked to the animals' weight loss. "The operation was more powerful than the diet," he says. Finally, he did a similar comparison between surgery and insulin-boosting meds. Again, the operation won out."

Does this mean I can eat Laffy Taffy by the pound again?

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Ever wonder how men think of their age? This guy hits it pretty much on the head.

"I have this theory about men and aging. We have two ages: the age we really are, and the age we are in our heads. Most men are almost always about 31 or 32 in their heads — just ask them. Even Mr. Burns from “The Simpsons” is 31 in his head. One of the most universal adult male experiences is of standing before a mirror and saying, "I'm sorry, but there's been a horrible mistake. You see, that's not really me in the mirror there. The real me is tanned, throws Frisbees, and kayaks the Columbia River estuary without cracking a sweat."

I look about three or four years younger than I am. I'm OK with that, but I seriously hate how the sun damages us over the years. I would look another five years younger without Sol's toll.

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It's possible we've found an HIV cure.



What an incredibly complex and daunting task. If this works, it could be the most phenomenal medical accomplishment yet. I hope these guys find their financing.

I am also fascinated by the idea that miniature robots, nanobots mere microns across, will soon propel themselves through our bloodstream with a programmed destination and set of orders to kill specific viruses, diseases and mutant cells.

They went that-a-way

How hard can it be to not get in a stampede?

What is it about third world or developing nations that makes their citizens prone to stampeding? Why the rush... I mean seriously. Is there a big sale down at The Wal Marts' Jakarta supercenter? (no, in this case it was the rumor of a landslide)

I've seen John Wayne stop a thousand stampedes. All it takes it shooting a gun into the air. Haven't the people in India seen movies?

I just don't get it. 150 people dead, many children. What a waste.

The only similar event we have here would be the wedding dress stampede. Have you seen these people?


Who's marrying these gals anyway?


Yes, I'm a coarse, harsh bastard. That's life, okay? ;)

To Whomever may hear...

In a few days, NASA will beam the Beatles song Across the Universe... literally across the universe.

In commemoration of NASA'S anniversary and the anniversary of the release of the song, they will point the Deep Space Network array of antennae at Polaris, the North Star. It will beam the song to that star and all points beyond.

I wonder who'll hear it...

Words are flying out like

Endless rain into a paper cup

They slither while they pass

They slip away across the universe

Pools of sorrow waves of joy are

Drifting thorough my open mind

Possessing and caressing me...

Is there supposed to be scum on top of the jelly?

It's almost midnight and I'm sitting in the kitchen eating a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. The cold milk is helping me swallow every grapey, peanuty glob and I'm wondering why I can't sleep.

Then I realized it's because the news is almost all BAD.

Some of the events going on right now:

A former Michigan Republican congressman is indicted on obstruction of justice charges and money laundering for a terrorist ring.

A CIA official authorized the destruction in 2005 of videotapes documenting harsh interrogation of detainees at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba.

The White House, under intense scrutiny, has admitted to destroying emails as part of a "data recycling" procedure, during the period of time when the US went to war with Iraq and US CIA operative Valerie Plame was outed.

The housing market is in a depression. The real estate bubble that was only casually considered a possibility a few years ago has finally burst. In some markets, houses selling three years ago for 400,000 are being sold for barely half that. The sub-prime interest loans issued to risky borrowers for the past several years are being foreclosed upon. People are losing their homes because they can't pay their mortgage.

Eddie Murphy and his new wife (of TWO weeks) have announced their split.

O J Simpson, mistakenly (in my opinion) exonerated of murder charges in the 90's (thereby living on borrowed time) has now violated the terms of his bail in a memorabilia heist... where he, at gunpoint, tried to "take back" prized heirlooms of his career from an alleged thief. He's back in jail for contacting one of the plaintiffs and THREATENING them.

It was announced today that Ike Turner died of a cocaine overdose.

No wonder I can't freakin' sleep. The world is spinning out of control. The US has a bad political reputation which continues to worsen, Buckwheat can't stay married and Ike not only abused Tina, but also his own proboscis. (I met him in the 90's at a party in Memphis and he was a real dick... um, God rest his soul)

WTF?

OK, I'm finished with my PBJ. I'm going back to bed. The headlines have GOT to be better tomorrow.

I'll take "things that are ridiculous" for 200, Alex

Part 1:

There is a website that can predict the approximate year of your death. Or, spinning it in a more positive way, predict the length of your life. Yeah, that sounds better.

I should point out that I don't really think it's ridiculous, but since the title of my post is "things that are ridiculous..." I'm going to ask you to go with it.

According to the website, (found at Steve Mays' blog) my current "real age" is 32. (they say 40 is the new 30, right?) You get huge points for having family who live longer than average, for not smoking, and for eating breakfast. Also factored in, family disease history, etc. It says I should live to be 86 before I croak. Today, I am exactly half that.

It's all downhill from here.

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Part 2:

A British woman is apparently being held in Sudan, and may soon be whipped by the Sudanese government, for naming her teddy bear "Mohammed."

It gives you new respect for the freedoms we have in the US, doesn't it? In fact, as a result of that freedom, guess what I've just named my penis.*

Screw you, Sudan. (and we're at war with IRAQ??????)

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Part 3:

Credit card companies have now resorted to making people feel foolish for using cash.

Have you seen the latest Visa television campaign? Swipe... cool. Swipe... party! Swipe, HAPPY!!! Cash... everything grinds... to... a... halt. (and the cash person looks like a real loser)

It's obvious Americans are facing a reality check right now. They've spent themselves into debt, mortgaged themselves into a corner, and have been forced to slow the use of credit cards as a result. Citigroup has announced huge layoffs, written off billions from sub-prime mortgage losses, and stock analysts are recommending their clients sell C.

So we get to see how cool it is to use your credit card. (youtube examples of the commercials)

*Slappy Johnson, but I'll bet you thought Muhammed, right?

Comment-airy

Barry Bombs is one HR away from tying Hank's home-run total. He will then set a new record, I'm sure.

So f-in' what?

Barry Bonds is a cheat. So was Mark McGwire and a litany of other players who "juiced." (or currently juice) This is a non-event, and the more press it gets, the more troubled I get.

I think he should be recognized with a standing ovation when it happens (in the event he really DID set the record honorably and honestly) and that's it. He deserves no more, no less.

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"Aquafina... from some of the finest bathtub spigots in Milwaukee!" (How do you like my new slogan idea?)

It was revealed this week that Pepsi has been selling customers bottled water from "public water sources."

Shocking!

Americans, being the gullible bunch we are, believe water from a plastic bottle is better, cleaner, healthier... than that which is consumed from the tap. Common sense (and countless and constant health department tests) would indicate we're really, really stupid for believing that.

We bitch about $2.67 per gallon gas (my neighborhood price today) but we'll fork over 20 bucks a gallon for Fiji water because it has a fancy-shmancy square bottle and a picture of a mountain on the front.

When I leave the coffee shop this morning, I will go to QT. I will purchase a large bottle of Fiji. I will pour it down the sink and replace it with tap water. I will drink that tap water from the Fiji bottle. I will repeat that process over and over until the bottle wears out. I will look cool, rich and smart.

Which is the real reason Americans buy bottled water.

Want a sip?

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We're selling $20 billion in advanced weaponry to the Saudis?

STFU. You gotta be kidding me.

We never, ever learn. Ever. Stupidest, most forgetful people on Earth. Instead of making major moves to curb dependence on oil, we continue to coddle these backward MFs and dragging our feet on nuclear energy and the research of alternatives.

Nero fiddles while Rome burns.

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It's studio remodel time, so I'm headed to Home Depot to buy a door, a lighting fixture, some paint and all that junk. I'll take photos.

Petrodiculous

Although the prices are coming down somewhat, I wanted to post a few pics/editorial cartoons on my blog to remind me of how expensive the summer of 2007 was. Enjoy!

Gooooooood Mornin'!

Nashville was a blur last week, and aside from an extreme lack of sleep, I feel pretty good. I must learn that my body is no longer 20... it's like 8 years older than that. I can no longer work all day, party all night and sleep for 3 or 4 hours, for 5 days in a row.

Well actually I guess I can.

At a party Saturday night I mentioned to some poker buddies that my new furniture is coming a few weeks earlier than expected, and will be delivered Wednesday. I was going to paint the bedroom first, while it's practically empty, but now with the earlier delivery date it would be impossible.

One of the guys says that maybe we should have a painting party the next morning and get it knocked out. Ridiculous idea, I thought... the bedroom in question has cathedral ceilings, interesting angles, ledges, corners, bay windows... all of which make it a painting challenge. I figured I would have to hire it done at a later date.

Not acceptable to this group. 'Course we were drinking.

The next morning at 11 am sharp (after I completely lost my ass and half my possessions in that poker game) Ada, Dr. Mike, Mikey, Mike, (yes, three Mikes) and Diana show up and we wet the first brush. In 2.5 hours the entire room was done, looked like a million dollars, (minus the money I had lost the night before) and I was reminded of how much I owe my friends for being there when I need a hand.

Thing is, they all know I would (and will) do the same for them. That's how the group is. We decided yesterday that none of us would hire painters for any reason... we'll all just reconvene. The brotherhood of the paint.

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When you're out of pocket the news really piles up. I guess Anna Nicole is buried and Britney is trying to join her now? Oh, and Microsoft debuts a bigger Xbox memory unit. Good thing I checked my start page at MSN, otherwise I wouldn't know about these important developments.

This is where I avoid launching into a "what qualifies as news these days" tirade.

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Since getting home from the trip, I have a lot of catching up to do so I'm getting started now. I'll be back around later to pick up your cans, peanut wrappers and headphones. (obvious flight-attendant reference but I have no idea why)

Sordid stuff

The Baptists must be running NYC.

Check out this story. The NY Supreme Court says there is to be NO DANCING in bars which aren't licensed to allow dancing. Where are we... Purdy, Missouri in the 80's? Am I Kevin Bacon?

I think I just winked into another dimension. Whodafug is legislating dancing these days? I guess NYC is.

So if I get up from my table and put my hands over my head to stretch, but the dancing police think I'm "pickin' up a banger, 'bout to bus' out a shizzor to the niggabeats*," I'm spending the night in jail.

Word.

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After the first week of the American Idol pool, I am already behind the pack. I totally blew it with Paul Kim - I thought he would be a top-six finalist, but his pitiful song choice in the first round landed his ass on reject row.

If you are glued to the set during Idol like I am, you were likely floored by the fact that Antonella Barba made it through round one. W-T-F?

Anyway, I'm already one back in the pool and it looks like my five dollars is gone. Shit, I needed gas for my Hummer...

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Dr. Mike and I decided last night that we're purchasing a VW Bus. Mikey is going to partner up with us by providing his mechanical expertise, which I'm pretty sure we'll desperately need if any of the busses on eBay end up in our driveway.

It will be the freakin' BOMB, there should be no doubt. First thing we'll do is make it a kick-ass beat-box on wheels. A pair of 15" subs, some monster speakers and a GPS. And an La-Z-Boy recliner in the passenger position.

Then maybe we'll make sure the engine runs.

Look, I'm just saying that this machine will be a tailgating beast for Cardinals games, it will be the hit of the float trip and everyone in the 'hood will hate us because of the thump.

This is the one we're looking at. Consider it a "before" picture. I'll keep you updated.

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It's not like I'm a member of the Microsoft fan club... but I don't have a natural tendency to hate the rich just because they're rich. I need other reasons.

Here's a guy who's worth 53 billion at last estimate, and many would say he's gotten a lot of his money by being a harsh, sometimes unfair competitor. Point taken, Microsoft has crippled many challengers with sheer weight, and the world's best legal team.

But Gates is giving billions of his personal dollars away via his foundation... to some really worthy causes. This is the sort of thing a "good guy" does.

Business is business, and Microsoft has been the preeminent heavy hitter in the software industry for decades. But, companies like Google, Apple and others are showing that there is no impenetrable wall around Microsoft.

These days, Bill Gates seems to get as much or more pleasure out of giving back, than running his company. I like that. Dude's cool in my book.

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Random picture of Uncle Dave with my adopted niece, Ella.

*actual hip-hop term, I'm not racist so settle, yo.

Tapioca, Burma Shave and other words that have nothing to do with this post

Evidence is mounting that loneliness and depression are direct causes of physical illness:

"Dr. Jesse Stewart ... found a correlation between depression and hardening of the arteries in his three-year study... The arteries of those who were most depressed had narrowed twice as much as those who were least depressed..."

It's kind of spooky how this reinforces the meaning of the term "hardened heart."

Whenever I'm in a restaurant, I want to approach someone who is alone and say "mind if I join you?" I don't do it for fear of being thought a predator or scam artist (isn't that sad?) but I always feel bad when I see someone eating alone. If they're eating fatty food, and doing it alone, they're DOUBLING their chance of hardened arteries. Damn!!!

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Frankie Laine died yesterday, at age 93.

When I was a little kid, my grandma would stack albums on the console "record player" and sit me on the floor in front of it with a glass of tea on rainy days. Through her albums, she gave me an early appreciation of music. One of the artists she'd play was Frankie Laine.

Grandma's albums are in my possession now, and Laine's "Torchin'" is my favorite. It's still in amazing condition, but I did a search recently and was actually able to find it on CD as part of a two-album package. It contains his versions of "A Cottage For Sale," "I'll Get Along Without You," "I Cover the Waterfront," and "These Foolish Things." If you could wear out a CD, this one would be trashed by now.

A year ago (when I ordered the album) I was surprised that he was still alive, and shocked that he was still actually PERFORMING.

I shed a tear today. RIP Frankie Laine... Old Man Jazz.

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Why do stores still have those stupid security scanners at the exits? They are designed to curb theft, but they've become as useless as car alarms. Anytime one goes off, a clerk just motions you to go on.

I've had great success stealing about 20 bags of gummy worms and a plethora of small electronics because these beeping bitches are ignored.

I might or might not have stolen a few cars too.

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Conversation a few minutes ago:

Me - "Ha! (looking at my site meter) I got a hit today from the search term "Dave's penis."
Vi - "Yeah, it was me. I was looking for it."

I don't know why, I just found that funny. Perhaps I'll have to save her a search.