Monday, July 23, 2007

Showering is for sissies

We just returned from the annual camp-out and float trip with about 30 friends, and you just don't realize how much of a panty waist you are until you live outside with only a 5x5 tent, jerky and a fishing pole to get you by.

Of course that wasn't our situation. Sure we had jerky, but also KFC chicken tenders, packs of delicious crab meat, wine and cheese, jello shots, a huge portable CD player with sub-woofer, pre-prepared foil packs of roasted chicken with veggies and a rechargeable tent ceiling fan. Shit, tents don't even have ceilings.

Yet despite all of those "not-a-real-camper" comforts, do you know the one thing that made me a real camper last weekend? I didn't shower. In FOUR DAYS. Not even once.

I was in the river a lot, we swam, floated and waded. But I never bathed in the traditional sense, which makes me a f*ckin'-A camper. I didn't even need mosquito repellant.

Here's a photo of my Hummer, packed with the camping supplies of two couples. If you had tried to pull the wrong piece out at the wrong time, there would have been a deadly explosion of camping supplies, vodka and tent material. You may also find pieces of a pink flamingo as well... hey, even on the road your yard needs to look kitchy. If you look closely in the upper left corner, there's a black bag... thank goodness we had space enough for our deluxe queen-size air mattress with 600 thread count sheets.* Camping just isn't the same without the necessities.

A picture of Violet and me. We may or may not have been in a state of insobriety. Notice the messages on the shirts... yeah, we're just that good.

So let me ask you... if you bring pre-cooked food and have access to showers and buffet food, is it really camping? That was the subject of the great debate around the campfire. (which we lit with a bag of lighter-fluid-soaked charcoal briquets) We are most definitely NOT camping purists. Are you?

The quote of the week was courtesy of camper Bill. When told there was extra ice if he needed any for his cooler, his response was "is it still frozen?" Here's your sign.

Disclaimer: the mattress sucks and the sheet thread-count is only like 150... but that stuff doesn't sound funny at all.

6 comments:

Blogarita said...

Maybe just a little more pure than you. We do most of our cooking on-site, but once in a while I'll make cookies or pasta salad ahead of time. We shower. We use charcoal to start the campfire, but real wood to keep it going. We sleep in a tent, but we also have our own little easy-set kiosk that can be used either as a solar shower (never have) or a porta-potty (always do). Who wants to hike to the shower house at 3:00 a.m.?

Sounds like you had a great time. I think we'll have to get about going camping this year. Maybe next year will be better.

Violet said...

The camping was fun as always... Although, the mattress left something to be desired, no doubt about that!!

And listen... For somebody who was so hungry on Friday night, you'd think you'd be grateful that we didn't let you bring your own uncooked food down there. It would've been midnight before you'd eaten!!!

(I admit it isn't "pure" camping, but, between the misquitoes, the frigid temps at night, and the campfire smell that is now permeating our house, it is close enough for me!!)

random moments said...

Hey, J and I went to Chicot park and slept and showered and cooked and made margaritas in a blender and listened to the game by a fire blaring from his camper trailer, and we still called it camping!

Great t-shirts!!

There's a shirt you so should get to wear when Violet wears that shirt again.. it says "Tell your boobs to stop staring at my eyes."

ajooja said...

I've done several float trips, but I haven't camped since I was a kid.

As long as they have hotels with air conditioning, I doubt I'll do much camping.

Amandarama said...

I actually enjoy camping. Except for mosquitoes. And leeches.

I think a leech killed my father.

Blogarita said...

For Random Moments and anyone else interested having margaritas while camping. :)

We haven't added one to our gear yet.