Friday, November 24, 2006

Thanksgiving outline. You know, so you can be all jealous and shit.

I had a super-amazing, fantastic Thanksgiving! I hope you did too.

Here's a rough outline of my day.

8:00 am - Woke to sunshine in my face after getting to bed about 4 hours earlier. F*ck me.

9:00 am - Got up and took panties off my head. Wondered whose they were. So did Violet. Did I get them during last night's visit to the casino? The bar? The other bar? The third bar? And why do they say "Garanimals" on them?

10:00 am - Arrived at the coffee shop for my traditional morning venti latte with skim milk. Realized that their tradition of being closed on holidays trumps all of my traditions. Goddamn it.

10:10 am - Watched several Tivo Star Trek episodes from TV Land's recent marathon. Fantasized that I was Captain Kirk. Tried to show Violet what I call "the captain's log." Denied again. Sonofabitch.

12:00 pm - showered and prepared myself to meet Vi's family.

2:00 pm - (So it was a long shower. Sue me, it's a freakin' holiday) Arrived at Gramma Wilma's house. Nice house, great spread of food, cozy family atmosphere. Everything a guy could want on a holiday like this. The family's relatively low level of dysfunction made me look like Charlie Manson.

3:00 pm - Played word game called "Catch Phrase." Blurted out inappropriate answers with unacceptable timing and volume. Sealed the family's hatred of me.

6:00 pm - Exited my tryptophan coma, got in the car and drove to Mike and Paula's. Enjoyed more dessert, drank about 12 "Shreks" (50/50 mix of Red Bull and UV Blue Vodka, which makes a most interesting green color and causes you to both buzz and vibrate at the same time) and proceeded to kick everyone's ass in poker. And of course, by "kick everyone's ass," I mean lose my entry fee and drop out early. Chris, you cheating beeotch.

2:00 am - (Hey, it was a long poker game) Sat around as another Thanksgiving passed, talked about how blessed we are to have such amazing friends, and disussed the vacations, camping trips and barbecues we will be enjoying in 2007.

I have so many reasons to be thankful. I can't remember a time in my life that I've been happier. My prayer is that you feel the same.


Lightning Bug's Butt said...

Ah, Big Daddy Dave. It sounds like an ideal T-Day.

Sorry to read about your poker game.

Anonymous said...

You know, I was just sitting at my desk drinking coffee and then all the sudden I blew the shit all over my computer!! That is after I read this. It just wasn't one of those little spits either, it was a complete mouthfull, which by the way, I think maybe that I set some kind of distance record for spitting crap across the room. Hold on while I get a tape measure, YES, I do have one handy,..................... It looks like........................ 6', 36 5/8"!!!!

Anonymous said...

I just realized that I made a typo, the distance was 6' 6 5/8". Woops.

CP said...

Love to you and yours. Happy Turkey day.


Anonymous said...

It's good to buzz and vibrate at the same time.

Mishka said...

I guess any morning that you can wake up with panties on your head and find a drink that makes you buzz and vibrate has to be a good one.

Sounds like you had a good time. Happy Tday.

Anonymous said...

Sounds ideal to me too Dave. Can you say JEALOUSY? God, I wish my family drank. It sure would make Thanksgiving more fun. I'd love to feel all buzzy and get vibrations while sitting there with the family.

You're a very lucky man Dave. It sounds like you have GREAT friends.

Anonymous said...

Aww! Good for you, Dave. I had a SUPER Thanksgiving too. Way too much food, fun family games, football...and 70 degree sunshine! Ahhhhh! The good life! Plus over 20 turkeys in my backyard. No, we weren't bowling. They were live Turkeys! Feel free to check out my blog for photo proof!

MIA said...

AMEN! Glad you had such a great thanksgiving! mine was AWESOME, perfect!

Anonymous said...

Captain's log. Tee hee. :)

mist1 said...

I always have unacceptable timing and volume. It's part of my charm.

It's Me, Maven... said...

Hope your turkey was juicy and your gravy lump free:)

Anonymous said...

I had a great T-day too. So glad yours rock!

So, did you ever figure out whose undies they might have been? I mean, considering it's on your head when you woke up!


Anonymous said...

Violet? Clever.

Anonymous said...

one of my favorite parts of the day (besides the panties on your head when we woke up)...

Scene - Playing Catchphrase

Grandma: A president.

Elizabeth: Nixon!

Dumbfounded looks all around.


Dave Morris said...

Yeah it's not like there weren't 42 OTHER presidents from which to choose! I still don't know how she got Nixon.