I have the turkey. Do what I say, or he dies.

My Thanksgiving tradition (if one year equals a tradition)* is to post this picture of Tom. This year, I am adding an element - a prize.

You will need to print it, color it (using the explicit color guide on the picture) and send it in. If you've adequately stayed inside the lines, used standard OSHA quality guidelines for your crayons and taken plenty of artistic liberties (such as adding a penis or moustache) you could be the winner.

Winner will be determined by a monkey with a dart. Winner will receive some bacon and a shoe.


You may choose to scan and email your entry, or simply drop it in the mail. If you don't already know my address, you are not eligible to win, anyway. If you do know it, perhaps you are the sonofabitch who egged my garage door. (prick)

Happy Thanksgiving to all, I hope your day is blessed! Eat. Drink. Puke. Repeat.



*Technically, this is the second time this picture has appeared. Since Violet is making a federal issue about the meaning of "one year" and "tradition," I felt I needed to explain further. You go ahead and fret about it Violet... the rest of us are busy drinking by now! ;)