Wednesday, August 30, 2006

Las Vegas ends late-night wedding-license service

LAS VEGAS, Aug. 30 — Las Vegas bills itself as ''the wedding capital of the world,'' but late-night revelers who decide they want to tie the knot now must wait until morning.
The county's marriage-license office, as of Wednesday, will be closed between midnight and 8 a.m., when much of Las Vegas is still very much alive. (


What kind of politically correct, wussified, cowardly, bullshit-world have we become???*

Las Vegas is the oasis of spice, debauchery and hookers in a figurative desert of sameness, boredom and "righteousness." When I want those things, I go to Iowa.

But Vegas is the place where you can see trannies dance, people puke up their $4.99 lobster dinner because of the free alcohol (oh wait, neither of those things exist anymore - my bad) and idiots on the precipice of insanity take the foolish dive into the hell that IS marriage because they drank too many Jaeger bombs. It's a beautiful thing!

And now it's over?**

Look, I know gambling is a sin. I realize buffet gluttony is an assault against the lord's temple, and yes... I am even aware that prostitution is frowned upon in certain religious circles. But come on! People should be allowed to enter the loving, tender, wonderful institution of late-night, alcohol-induced matrimony when the urge strikes. Make 'em wait until morning, and many of them will lose their buzz, er, gutts, bread tie they were going to use as a temporary wedding band.

I hope the zealots are happy. But in the words of Nathan R. Jessep in A Few Good Men, "All you did was weaken a [city] today. That's all you did. You put people's [marriages] in danger. Sweet dreams [city council]."

What happens in Iowa STAYS in Iowa.


*Satire, people. Satire.

**And I haven't even brought up the constant presence of Celine Dion.


Amandarama said...

Well that just ridiculous. If someone is dumb enough to want to get the courts involved in what was otherwise a perfectly good relationship while in a complete alcoholic blackout, I say we keep letting 'em. How else are we going to keep the divorce rate at 50% so I can throw that at my mother everytime she asks me why I'm not married?

Eve said...

I have been to a 2:00am Vegas wedding.

The most brilliant mother-effing thing I have ever witnessed.

It's Vegas though, Dave. Have faith.

Some ordained call-girl out there will be performing the ceremony in between her pole acrobatics. Who knows, maybe WE'LL RENEW on our next trip?! ;)

It's Me, Maven... said...

See, here is the one thing I think the fundamentalist Islamics have over on the rest of creation. They have this "loophole" (excuse the pun) called a "24 Hour Bride." It's in the Qr'ran somewhere, don't know the passage, but I know it's in there (kinda like Ragu spaghetti sauce). If they are married and they want to get their freak on with a different woman, but don't want to marry a different woman, they will go into these remote, impoverished villages, to take a "24 Hour Bride," where they pay the girl's father a "dowry." The man gets what he wants, the girl's family gets to eat for a year, and since she no longer has her virtue, no man in the village will want to marry her, thus she becomes a burden to her family.

I think they should reinstitute 24 hour availability for marriage licenses, and put a 24 hour clause on it, so that when folks wake up from their drunken stupor to find they married someone coyote ugly, all they have to do is mail the license back to the registrar, to negate the document, ipso-facto (gosh, I love ipso-facto, don't you?), what happens in Vegas can truly stay in Vegas.

(Been there three times in five years.)

Chris Cope said...

To be fair, would you want to be the bureaucratic hack manning the marriage license office at 3 a.m.?

ned Wilkinson said...

Okay, I'm not sure I even want to know this... but... are there actually men out there who have had sex with a virgin woman and then adopt the attitude of "Ah hah! I TOOK something from you, and now you'll always be without it! So I win! I win! I win!"...????

Fantastagirl said...

Damn, just when Mr. Incredible and I finally book a flight and are going there - they start making rules... damn if I want rules I'll stay home... seeing as I'm already in that boring state!)

Shoshana said...

That's really sad. I was going to marry my husband again for the 4th time, and I was thinking, we'd get drunk and then park ourselves in them chappels....

*sigh*another sweet dreams bite the dust!

Mishka said...

My mom was married in Vegas and in Reno but neither were late night drunk fests....both were planned and just happened to be where they wanted to get married.

That is funny that they are getting rid of the late night thing, but I am sure it will cut down on court costs for divorce and annulments (sp?), right?

Violet said...

so, what's plan b?

Lightning Bug's Butt said...

I agree. I agree.

Well written, Big Daddy Dave.