GPS (Greatly Profane Slanderer)

Yesterday, as I cursed and honked at dolts who clearly couldn't pass a Missouri driver's test, it occurred to me that I need to develop a data set for GPS systems that provides directions in the same way Ed Debevic's in Chicago serves its patrons - rudely.

"Take a left turn in a quarter of a mile, douche bag." If you pass the turn, the unit gets indignant: "So why don't you just turn me off if you're not going to pay attention, idiot?"

"Only your Mom would be driving this slow - what are you, handicapped?"

"Well, well. You reached your destination. Aren't we both a little surprised? Now turn me off, I'm tired!"