Vacation - Day One

The trouble with driving 14 hours from Missouri to Florida is that your underwear gets completely bunched up in your ass crack, you get sucked into convenience store vortices along the way where you purchase things you aren't normally interested in, such as Hostess Snowballs and those red hot fries with the picture of Andy Capp on the front, and you find out how goddamn long it takes to drive across Georgia.

And you discover that everyone in Atlanta drives like a blind, inconsiderate asshole who must be on the way to a fire. (eerie sidenote, we passed the overpass where the busload of baseball players plunged over the edge)

But the Hummer rode like a magic carpet, Emily's mom was entertaining and we discovered that none of us really like Abba. (we forced ourselves to listen to their "#1 Singles" CD all the way through, and although I recognized many of them, overall I'm not a fan. I mean, what the hell is Fernando about, really? And Money, Money, Money just sucks. But I do have what I would consider an unhealthy level of enjoyment of Dancing Queen)

We arrived in Ocala at around 9-ish and I got to meet Emily's Grandma, Aunt and Uncle... who are fabulous people. We are staying in one of the homes they own, which is a two bedroom place with an amazing lanai and all the upgrades. And to think I've been wasting time in hotel rooms all these years.

One of my policies on vacation is NOT to eat at franchise restaurants. I stick to locally-owned places where you'll find the freshest local foods and it's not the same old thing you can get back home. So we're getting ready to venture out for breakfast and a little shopping. I want to find a little diner with some eggs and potatoes, coffee and a newspaper.

I'll let you know what other kind of trouble we get into.

PS - did you know John Travolta lives in Ocala, Florida? We'll probably run into him while we're here. If so, I'll tell him how I really enjoyed Wild Hogs but Emily didn't, and he'll probably glare at her condescendingly for a moment, then John and I will go out and play golf and drink beers and become the best of friends.